


The Lamentable Tale of a Fox's Intervention

by ScribbleGeek



Category: Naruto
Genre: Adult Content, And my take on it, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Comfort/Angst, Fluff and Angst, Human Trafficking, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Man are these boys bad at communicating with each other, Mentions of sexual abuse (but no descriptions), Mild Gore, Non-Explicit Sex, Pining, Post-Fourth Shinobi War, Protective Haruno Sakura, Romance, So is Sai, The Coliseum, They'll get better though, eventually, in his own way, mentions of physical abuse, sakura is a good friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:29:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 72,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24805459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScribbleGeek/pseuds/ScribbleGeek
Summary: A choice made in the heat of the moment can change everything.On a whim and the back of faint hope an action intended to be one of violence turns into one of affection - and what follows is way more complicated than Naruto imagined.After the 4th ninja war, he lives an unsatisfactory life in Konoha, lonelier than ever despite his new status as the greatest hero of his time.Nothing turned out the way he wanted it to, and despite 'having it all' - he misses the only thing he actually wants.Both sad and happy memories, a complicated friendship, and a distant Uchiha haunts Naruto's mind... At least there are missions to focus on.
Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 155
Kudos: 226





	1. Violence and affection

**Author's Note:**

> A few disclaimers for anyone reading this:
> 
> This is a story about how things could’ve turned out if the final fight between Sasuke and Naruto had gone down differently.
> 
> It is simple, it is clichéd, a little silly and it is sappy. There will be angst and hurt, so prepare yourself - don't expect it to be a complete joyride - but when there is sap, there is a. lot. of. it. Not just romantic fluff, though, friendships are important, too.
> 
> I make my own rules in this, although I'd say my ideas are additions and not changes. It starts during our boy's fight at the Final Valley, and everything up to that point is canon.
> 
> It also contains my take on the Coliseum. I always found it strange that ninja would accept being treated like property.
> 
> But mainly, it's about two boys trying to do their best in a messy situation.
> 
> So. If you want romance, pining, fluff, angst, hurt, and some dumb jokes that may or may not fly, then please; stay and read. Hopefully, you will enjoy it. If you do; we are kindred and should probably hang out.

Naruto was sick of fighting. He had never expected himself to tire of it; the thrill of a good battle - he did love being a ninja, after all - but he was sick to his stomach by this. By the twists and turns that he should be prepared for by now, but still wasn’t.

Most of all he was sick about the fact that after hours of fighting a common enemy, he had to exchange blows with the person of whom he cared the most. Again.

He didn’t want this, despite the bravado and bright smile he had displayed before facing it. He was tired. Not physically, despite the war he had just fought (and won), but mentally. Emotionally. Desperation built up to a crescendo inside of him as he and Sasuke kept punching the ever-living crap out of each other underneath the familiar masses of stone above them.

Had Hashirama felt this way when he fought Madara here? Had he been tired? Had he been sad? Had he wanted it all to just end?

Naruto didn’t want everything to ‘just end’, though. He would never give up, no matter how difficult things got. No matter how much it hurt him to hurt Sasuke. Not to mention how much it hurt to take the full force of Sasuke's attacks. He sure had gotten strong.

Naruto knew that already, of course. Sasuke had always been strong, but during their years apart he had passed all limits of what should be humanly possible for someone who wasn’t a jinchuuriki. Having trained under Orochimaru, fought his own brother and obtained the mangekyo sharingan and eventually the damn rinnegan - of course, he was a dangerous opponent.

But so was Naruto. The power surging between them was enough to level mountains and he was glad that Sakura was not there. He didn’t want her anywhere near this, hundred healings jutsu in effect or not.

He could barely believe they had all been together mere moments ago. Fought together, won together. It had been like a dream, even amongst the horrors of war. They had been together; Team 7, at full power, and together.

Naruto had spent countless hours wondering about Sasuke's whereabouts when they had been apart. And not just that, but about his health, about what he did, about whether or not Sasuke ever thought about him. And that last part had always hurt Naruto the most, because what if he didn’t? In his darkest moments, he had feared that Sasuke really did want to rid himself of his connection to Naruto. To Team 7. To Konoha - to everything that wasn’t vengeance in some form.

Naruto had always been able to pull himself back up, because even though he sometimes felt doubt, he didn’t really believe that. He had seen Sasuke’s heart, in this very place, almost five years ago, and yes, a lot had happened over those years, but Naruto still believed that it hadn’t changed.

Yet, here they were; fighting. In the same place, but for other reasons, and the stakes were so much higher this time around. Naruto had to win. He had to beat Sasuke badly enough for him not to be able to resist anymore so that Naruto could bring him back to Konoha.

It just hurt so much to inflict pain on Sasuke. Naruto felt as if his heart was breaking with every hit, with every punch that hit its mark, with every drop of blood that emerged from his former team mate.

But Naruto _had to win_.

His fist connected with Sasuke’s jaw once again, and this time the Uchiha fell backwards and hit the stony riverbed with a splash. Naruto welcomed the opportunity to fall to his knees - exhaustion almost overtaking him - straddling Sasuke to the ground. He managed to get a number of hits directly in his opponents’ face, and Sasuke’s head fell back, which gave Naruto the chance to grab his collar. Their eyes met for a split second - an icy gaze meeting Naruto’s burning eyes - and then Naruto pulled Sasuke forward, hard.

Sasuke’s eyes almost fell shut and his face, which the second before had been near maniacal, all gritted teeth and almost snarling, was smoothed out and suddenly somewhat relaxed by the force, and maybe the surprise, of the pull.

At that moment something came over Naruto. It felt like a spark of electricity ran up his back and fired off in his brain. He had intended to headbutt Sasuke with all the force he could muster, but within a millisecond he had changed his mind, and without thinking Naruto braced the impact - and kissed him instead.

Their teeth nearly collided, lips pressed forcefully together as all of the desperation and longing that Naruto had felt for months poured into this moment, this one action of his inner truth. And need. And _want_.

It all happened so fast that he hadn’t considered what Sasuke might think of it. The Uchiha was stiff beneath him, lips against his and Naruto's hands still tightly curled in his collar. Naruto had no time to prepare for the retaliation he was sure would come - and was surprised when he realised that it didn’t. He was even more surprised when he noticed Sasuke’s body relaxing, slowly - as if he was leaning into it. Leaning into the kiss, into him.

Naruto’s breath hitched and the rush of electricity that ran through his body suddenly felt like fire. And he kissed Sasuke, this time for real, not just by banging their lips together and hoping for the best. His tongue found its way past Sasuke’s lips and Sasuke met him, more careful at first but then with matching intensity. Their eyes met momentarily and Naruto noticed that the Sharingan had faded away. The dark, mismatching eyes fluttered shut and Naruto closed his eyes as well, loosening his grip of the collar, but still holding Sasuke close, and reaching up with one hand to touch soft, dark hair.

 _What is happening?_ he thought, dazed, before he pushed the question away. He knew what was happening - he just couldn’t believe it.

* * *

He stared blankly up into the roof of his dimly lit room. There were cracks in it. He wasn’t quite enough the sad romantic to think just like in my heart, but it wasn’t that far away.

Naruto was lying on his back in his bed with his hands behind his neck. It had been another sleepless night and dawn was near. He was supposed to go on a mission in the morning after two days off, and he couldn’t wait.

It was easier when he was working.

When he was out on a mission he didn’t have time to think about this stuff. He didn’t have to see the stupid cracks in his stupid roof of his stupid, lonely apartment.

He tried to see past the roof and picture the moment again in his head. The moment when he understood that he hadn’t been alone with his feelings. That Sasuke had felt the same way - or at least something similar. He tried to remember the feeling of Sasuke in his arms for the first time. It wasn’t that hard, the moment had been etched into Naruto’s memory like a tattoo; the rather clumsy kisses and very rough hands that tried to adapt from having punched the shit out of each other mere moments before to suddenly attempting at showing affection.

It had been such a mess, but a good mess. The best mess. And still, after all the time that had passed since then, his heartbeat started racing just thinking about it.

There were more memories like that by now. But the first kiss, that was special. Naruto had his selection of favourites and he could call almost all of them up if he just tried hard enough. He could picture them in his head almost as if it was happening again.

Almost.

But thinking about it wasn’t the real thing. Sasuke wasn’t there. He hadn’t been for a long time, and Naruto hated every second of it.

 _Two years. Two years of this shit_ , he thought.

And just as he did, the other voice inside him rumbled:

“Is it really worth it, kid?”

Naruto didn’t respond at once. Not because he didn’t know the answer, but because he felt like he had to phrase it in the most correct way possible.

“Fuck yes, it is”, he mumbled, his voice low, but sure, and Kurama said nothing else.

* * *

 _This asshole_.

Yotsume eyed him over the edge of her glasses. The pale boy was smiling, but she knew she couldn’t trust that. Thank god for the other two or she would have tried to avoid having to give them assignments and have someone else do it. But she couldn’t turn down the chance to see the great hero of the 4th ninja war, and so here they were. The girl Sakura was rather delightful as well, no less since she was the only one who could shut Sai (the little prick) up. Yotsume had heard that he had a girlfriend now and she couldn’t in her wildest dreams understand how someone could put up with his impudence. The girl in question must have the patience of an angel, and maybe something wrong with her head, because who could look at Team 7 and notice Sai before a true hero like...

Her eyes turned to Uzumaki Naruto. Tall and bright and so handsome. He was looking out the window, a rather solemn look on his face, which was slightly unusual. He was prone to smiles, she had noticed, and was easily flustered when people focused too much on him. Even this look suited him, though; he looked like the tragic hero of a romance novel, she thought and her heart skipped a beat. His back was straight as an arrow and his blue eyes caught the sunlight perfectly, making them shine like _sapphires._ She managed to hold back the sigh that was threatening to escape from her lips.

He must’ve noticed that she was watching him then because he turned and snapped out of his thoughts. One of his hands left his pocket to touch the back of his head as an embarrassed smile crossed his face.

“Sorry, sorry, Yotsume-san, I spaced out. Did I miss something?”

She cleared her throat, tried to hold back the blush that threatened to paint her cheeks pink and shuffled through a few of the papers she had in front of her.

“Er, no, Naruto-sama, I was just about to see what I have for you today.”

“Just ‘Naruto’ is fine.”

He said it almost absent-mindedly, and she was well aware of what he thought about being addressed that way, but she didn’t care. He was a hero - he deserved respect. Yotsume thought that maybe he appreciated it deep down, but that he was too humble to let it show.

Sakura shifted her feet, cocked a hip to the side, and placed a hand on it. Yotsume realised it was because she was getting impatient. Sai just kept on smiling his creepy ass smile.

She went back to her papers to look for something worthy of the hero and his team. High ranking missions weren’t really a regular occurrence anymore, but she had at least a couple of A-ranks to choose from today. The Daimyo weren’t all as chummy with each other as the Kage were these days, especially not the lesser Daimyo, and some of them gladly paid to undermine a rival. Usually it was dumb stuff, more or less pranks, that were quickly discarded since they weren’t suited for ninja. But sometimes the Daimyo actually had real reasons to check up on each other.

Yotsume quickly skimmed through the two A-ranks and picked the one she deemed the most appropriate for a ninja of Uzumaki Naruto's standing. A Daimyo suspected another of hosting an illegal fighting ring. These were not unusual allegations, but this one actually seemed viable and too important to not check up on. The suspicion was that the fighting ring was connected to a larger one, well known but never found; the Coliseum. It was a fighting ring for ninjas and thus the mission was considered dangerous.

It was strictly recon, though. If it actually was connected to the Coliseum it was important that they didn’t spook the criminals operating it. The focus was to find proof of what was (or wasn’t) going on and bring it back to the Daimyo who paid for this part of the mission (probably because of some personal vendetta against the other Daimyo, but still) and to the Hokage, who would decide the next step of the investigation depending on what type of evidence was found.

She knew Team 7 rarely got recon missions, although she was a little unsure why. Surely Uzumaki Naruto could handle any situation thrown at him. Plus this was the most exciting mission she could find, despite it being recon.

She cleared her throat.

“Your next assignment is A-rank, recon only. All you need is in the file.”

Sakura picked up the file and bowed her head slightly in thanks. Naruto smiled and waved as they both turned to leave and Yotsume let her mind wander as she watched him go. Her eyes followed the line of his body, from his strong neck, to his broad shoulders, toned back and slim waist down to…

“Bye, four-eyed pervert!”

She snapped out of it, a crimson blush creeping up her face.

 _Fucking Sai_ …

* * *

“A recon, though?” Naruto said as they left the building. “They must really be running dry on missions, when was the last time we got recon?”

He scratched his head as he leaned forward over Sakura’s shoulder to try and get a look at the file. She sighed and turned, waving it in front of him, clearly annoyed.

“Don’t complain, Naruto, we get what we get. Either way we should just do our best and savour these last few missions together. Both Sai and I will be taking our jounin exams next month and when we pass we’ll get assigned to other teams or positions. This might be one of the last missions we do together as Team 7”.

Naruto straightened his back and the hand on his head drifted to the back of it. He had a sinking feeling in his gut; he knew she was right, there was no risk of either of them failing the exam. And he, since he was technically still a genin, renowned war hero or not, couldn’t take the test with them.

He knew that Sakura was planning on moving on from a life of missions and take position at the hospital after becoming jounin. She had told him that her goal was to become head chief of medicine before turning 20 and he believed she could. She only had a year left to do it, but she would probably make it. She was the best medic-nin to have come along since Granny Tsunade, after all.

Naruto glanced over at Sai, who said nothing and seemed unfazed by the idea of an undercover job. Naruto figured he was used to this sort of mission. He’d probably even excel at it. Naruto knew Sai wanted to enter the police force and use his knowledge from his time in Root to make sure nothing like that ever happened in Konoha ever again.

Naruto’s own goal seemed farther away than ever. Taking the chunin exam again, without his team - or anyone else he knew, for that matter - was not happening. He was rarely ashamed, but the thought of being put on a team with 13-year olds to get through the exam… No, plain and simple.

Kakashi-sensei had given him a way out by offering to let him study until he was considered jounin-material, but studying had never been Naruto’s strong suit, and after a few months with his head buried in scrolls as soon as he wasn’t on a mission, his motivation had dwindled, and as such Iruka sensei never recommended him for the position.

The absence of any signs of life from a certain _someone_ hadn’t helped.

Team 7, by the way… Sure, they were technically Team 7 - and Sai was a natural part of it by now - but they weren’t complete. Kakashi-sensei was the Hokage, Yamato-taicho was off doing whatever the heck he was doing (they had barely seen him since the war ended) and Sasuke… Well.

Either way. The thought of losing Sakura and Sai soon sure _sucked_. Their missions together were one of the few things that kept Naruto’s mind off other things and their companionship made him feel less lonely. And soon they’d be split up. Naruto bit the inside of his cheek, trying to hold back any signs of how that made him feel. He was happy for them but really sad for his own sake at the same time. Not that he would ever admit that. He wouldn’t want to rain on their parade.

He sighed and raised his hands in defeat.

“You’re right, you’re right! I’m not complaining, I’m just surprised, that’s all”, he said and produced a faint smile.

Sakura seemed to relax by that and she handed him the file and put her hands on her hips. Her face had softened and Naruto, to his dismay, noticed a hint of concern embedded in her light green eyes. He didn’t want her to worry about him, but he knew she did anyway.

He tried to wave it away by changing the subject.

“Sai, dude, why are you always rude to Yotsume-san? It’s so unnecessary.”

Sai smiled, not the weird, forced smile he still sometimes displayed among other people, but a real one. He tilted his head slightly to one side and said, matter-of-factly:

“Well, because she is a four-eyed pervert, of course. She has glasses and she’s always checking out your…”

“What Sai is _trying to say_ …” Sakura interrupted, glaring at Sai to make him shut up. “... is that she’s clearly smitten with you and has a hard time keeping it a secret.”

Naruto stared at them both, dumbfounded.

“What?”

“Naruto, please. You can’t possibly be this dense.” Sakura sighed and touched her forehead with a slightly bothered look on her face. “Look; you’re a hero. Everyone knows who you are and everyone thinks you’re great.”

Naruto cringed a little inside. The 12-year-old him would have loved hearing those things, but now he just found it strange. It was weird to adjust from being shunned to being... He wouldn’t say loved, but admired, at least. He didn’t think he’d ever get used to it.

Sakura continued:

“It’s not unusual for people to be attracted to that sort of thing. You probably have to get used to it, and most of all; you have to learn to notice it and realise when someone likes you for you or for your status. I get that that will be hard for you, but please, just try? It’s embarrassing to watch how oblivious you can be to these things.”

Naruto listened to her as he watched a group of younger girls pass them by. They were whispering, eyes wide and they even started walking backwards to be able to keep looking at him. He smiled nervously and the group erupted in excited screams and giggles.

Okay, that was pretty obvious.

Sakura snorted at the girls, annoyed again. Naruto figured that if everyone was just a bit more like those girls and were open and unashamed of their emotions things would just be a hell of a lot easier. But he still didn’t think he’d ever get used to it or learn how to handle it well.

The type of romance he was used to was vastly different, after all.

It didn’t take them very long to gather the things they needed for the mission. Since it was recon and they were supposed to execute it undetected and undercover, they had to opt for a less “ninja-ish” look, so all three went back to their respective flats to change into civilian clothes. Sakura had given the boys some pointers and promised them to get the finishing touches for their disguises herself.

Naruto chose to still wear his black jacket since he deemed it discrete enough, but he changed his shinobi sandals for regular ones and his orange pants to a more loose-fitting, light grey pair. He folded the legs on them twice to leave his ankles bare.

Of course, he skipped the forehead protector, utility bag and the other gear he usually wore and packed a regular bag with whatever he deemed necessary. The looser pants gave him the opportunity to hide a kunai by strapping it to his calf. The mission was supposed to be discrete after all and none of his jutsus really fitted that mould, so he reckoned it could be useful to have a silent weapon easily available.

When he was done he threw his travelling cloak over his shoulders and left the apartment to meet up with Sakura and Sai. He was more aware than ever of all the people who turned to watch him as he walked through town. A few of them waved and greeted him, but that Naruto was used to by now and he gladly waved back with a smile. It was just a nice thing to do. But he had no idea how completely oblivious he had been to all the eyes that were upon him each step he took - and especially not the way some people looked at him. Sakura's lecture about how people were drawn to him turned out to be very accurate, and it was bothersome.

How the hell was he supposed to execute a secret recon mission if everyone recognized his face? Did people in other places know what he looked like as well? Should he be wearing a mask…?

When he finally reached the gate where they were supposed to meet, he was a little flustered and his cheeks were slightly red. He felt exposed and almost… dirty. The last drop had been two women, probably a few years older than him, who had watched him like a couple of wolves getting ready to devour a helpless fawn. How had he not noticed these things before? Naruto almost wished Sakura hadn’t said anything so he could’ve kept on living in ignorant bliss.

He looked around for his teammates and spotted Sai. Sakura didn’t seem to be there yet. Sai was dressed in a plain, dark grey haori, his usual, narrow legged pants and black, civilian sandals. He didn’t look up or greeted Naruto in any way, he just jumped right into conversation.

“What happened to you?”

Naruto winced.

“What?”

Sai looked him over, a neutral, kind of hard-to-read expression on his face.

“You look embarrassed”, he said simply, and after a thoughtful moment he added: “I think”.

Naruto made a face and leaned his back against the wall by the gate. He crossed his arms and tried not to pout, but it was dangerously close. When he talked he bit out the words, just a few at a time.

“It’s just… Sakura was right. People stare. A lot. Especially girls. And they giggle.”

Sai smiled, almost empathetically. He had gotten a lot better with these kinds of things since he started dating Ino, Naruto thought.

“It must be because they can tell you have a really small di...”

“Oh, shut up, asshole!” Naruto growled.

Apparently he had been wrong, Sai still sucked at these kinds of things. To his surprise, Sai laughed and Naruto realised he had just been teasing, using his old mean nickname for Naruto as a joke and nothing else.

Naruto wasn’t sure if he found the joke very funny, but he couldn’t help but smile. Sai hadn’t used that nickname once since the war. It was dead and buried, along with Sai’s old troubled, smile-less self. Overall Sai was really nice to be around, these days, at least for the people who knew him. People he didn’t know still got to experience his less… accommodating self, at times. Like Yotsume-san. Naruto suddenly realised that the reason Sai was mean to her might be because he didn’t like that she was ogling Naruto in inappropriate ways.

It wasn’t the first time that Naruto’s view of Sai changed slightly, but he still was surprised by that revelation.

“I tried to cheer you up. Did it work?” Sai asked, seriously.

Naruto blinked at him, again - surprised. Then he smiled. He wasn’t so dense that he didn’t notice the faint hint of hopefulness in Sai’s voice.

“Yeah, I guess. But don’t call me that, that’s not what cheered me up.”

Sai just smiled back at him.


	2. Disguises and surprises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am taking some liberties with the feudal system in this story, mainly because this is the way I always imagined it in my head (it shares similarities with how it was in Japan during the Tokugawa Shogunate). 
> 
> There is not only one Daimyo per country, but one who is the country's leader (king, if you will) and several vassals - lower-tier (or "lesser") Daimyo - who governs their own people and pieces of land.
> 
> The Daimyo in this story is a lesser Daimyo, a vassal to Fire Country's Daimyo. Might not be a big part of the story in itself, but worth noting so no one is confused.

It took them a day and a half to reach their destination; a rather small farming village at the edge of Fire country. Despite the quaint little houses and seemingly humble population, the Daimyo’s palace was freaking huge. Even from this distance, it was clear that it was heavily adorned in a way Naruto had never seen a palace be in a town of this size before. There seemed to be something weird going on, alright.

They checked in to the only inn in town, all three of them in the same room. Sakura and Sai posed as a married couple; he a merchant, interested in the fertile lands in the vicinity of the village, she as his soft-spoken and courteous wife. Naruto was acting as their bodyguard. He had burst out into laughter when he had heard Sakura describe the role she would play. In response, she had punched him so hard his skull almost cracked open and then explained that the area was very old fashioned and that it would draw attention to them if she wasn’t someone’s wife.

That had been the night before their arrival to the humble village. They had stayed at a roadside inn and Sakura had tweaked their disguises slightly, by giving Sai a fancier haori, although not so fancy as to draw attention, and handed Naruto a mask to hide his face. She also managed to talk him into colouring his hair a light brown. He had tried to worm out of it by suggesting henge, but Sakura had been relentless - it was far too unreliable.

“It’s only temporary”, she had hissed at him when he started protesting. “We can’t risk anyone recognizing you, and ‘blue eyes and golden hair’ is what’s written in every fucking tabloid about you.”

“There are _tabloids_ about me?”

Sakura had stared at him in disbelief for a moment before she groaned loudly and covered her face in her hands - making it clear that her patience with him was wearing thin. Naruto had quickly decided not to question her anymore. He accepted his new hair colour without any more interruptions. It had been easily done, with a simple mixture that Sakura worked into his hair and he rinsed off in the shower.

Worse than the hair was the jacket. Sakura’s eyes had widened in alarm when he had taken off his cloak, and she gave him an earful about not bringing anything else since it had the Uzumaki symbol embroidered on the back. Naruto felt like an idiot because he hadn’t really thought about that or realised it would be a problem. Of course it would, since it was well-known as a symbol worn by Konoha ninja.

It was pure luck that Sai had brought a simpler haori so Naruto could put that on as Sai changed into his more high-class looking one. Sakura had just muttered under her breath about how ‘boys never listen’ and that she had to ‘do everything by my damn self’.

As a final touch, Sakura had tossed a bundle of white wrappings and a mask at Naruto and told him to wrap up his lower arms and hands. It would cover the small mark of the sun on the palm in his right hand as well as complete his look. The mask was to cover the rather distinctive marks on his face. It reminded him about Kakashi-sensei's mask except for the colour; it was light grey. He had never been dressed so bland in his life and he didn’t feel like himself at all in the full get-up. But that was the point, after all.

So there the three of them were, all in the same room at a tiny inn in an equally tiny village, looking like different people. They were preparing to go through with their plan; spending the first three days carefully talking to farmers who might be interested in selling some of their land and casually ask about their Daimyo, and the first three nights scouting out the palace before infiltrating it.

However, before they even got to settle into their room properly, they were surprised by a loud knock on the door.

Sakura’s eyes grew two sizes and she stared at Naruto, urging him to open it. He figured it would be the most correct way to go about it so he straightened his back, tried to look intimidating, and opened a small gap in the door.

He had grown rather tall in the last year but he wasn’t really used to looking down at people. However, he was doing that now. The man outside the door was shorter than Sakura and dressed in very formal clothes.

“Yes?” Naruto said, tone short and an octave darker than usual.

The small man looked up at him but didn’t seem bothered at all. He just bowed his head quickly and said:

“I heard a certain Toreda-san and his lovely wife were here to inquire about farmland.”

Naruto hesitated, then nodded once. The small man smiled.

“Good, good. Daimyo-sama would very much like to meet him.”

Had Naruto been any less of an experienced shinobi he would've frozen up. How the fuck did they know that already? They had announced their business by the gate (or a poor excuse of one, at least) merely forty minutes earlier. The word had spread that quickly all the way to the Daimyo they were supposed to investigate? He had some serious doubts about Sakura's plan right now, but she was usually the smart one so he had accepted it without question when she proposed it.

What did a Daimyo care about some farmland anyway?

Naruto looked over his shoulder at Sakura and Sai. They were positioned by a small table in the room, Sakura already looking coy and sweet, in a simple but neat and suitably adorned kimono, and Sai looking slightly haughty, but not so much that it would seem out of place. He was usually so awkward around strangers that Naruto sometimes forgot he was one of the best spies in Konoha - when it came down to it, he could play almost any part. Sai nodded once, and Naruto opened the door, stepped aside and bowed as the small man entered the room.

“I am Kenkyona Sabanto, Daimyo Attotekina Ona’s humble servant”, he said and bowed before Sai and Sakura. “My lord would like to invite you to his palace for supper, to discuss your interest in his farmlands.”

Sai bowed his head slightly and answered with perfect aloofness:

“I thank you, Sabanto-san, for this invitation. We are humbled by your lord’s kind offer. I am Ryoko Toreda. May I present my wife, Sakura.”

They had seen no need in changing Sakura’s name - it was very common, after all, and half-truths were easier to keep believable.

Sabanto bowed again and praised Sakura’s ‘blinding beauty’. She smiled and bowed her head in thanks, a light blush upon her cheeks, and Naruto was surprised to see her play her role with such ease. She had been very clear about the need to act as someone’s wife on this mission since an unwed woman traveling with two men would not go unnoticed in these parts of Fire country. Well, now they were noticed anyway, but she kept up appearances and if Naruto knew her at all she was already planning on ways to use this to their advantage. An invitation to the palace could sway in their favour, after all.

“Sabanto-san, if I may”, Sai continued. “How come your lord is inviting us? I was under the impression that I was to talk to the farmers themselves about their land.”

Sabanto smiled, and if the question surprised him he didn’t show it.

“Oh, Daimyo-sama owns all land here. The farmers are only renting it”.

So _this_ was why the Daimyo was inviting them; he owned the farmlands and the farmers only worked them for him - plus they were paying him to be able to do it, to put food on the table for their families.

Naruto refrained from curling his hand into a fist. What an old-fashioned way of doing things, and in no way to the farmers’ advantage. Sure, farmers always paid some sort of tax to the Daimyo, but usually they owned their own land and worked it freely, keeping the harvest they needed for their family and had the possibility to sell farmland they no longer used.

This, though… This old system risked getting families into serious debt to the Daimyo, or worse - starvation. If the harvest was bad one year the tax would still be a certain percent of the harvest and let the farmers themselves keep the larger part of it. That way they weren’t bled dry and at as big a risk, but if they rented and their land didn’t produce a good harvest the farmers were still obliged to pay the rent - the same rent as always.

The townsfolk hadn’t exactly looked like they were in distress, but the harvest had been good this year. Naruto wondered how much they suffered in the years when it wasn’t. It suddenly struck him that his lessons with Iruka-sensei seemed to have paid off - these were not things Naruto had known anything about before his cut-short jounin prep-course.

Sai seemed unphased by the news, though, and he politely responded without hesitation:

“I see, I apologise for my ignorance.”

He didn’t comment on the fact that this system barely existed in Fire Country anymore. Instead, he turned to Sakura and smiled.

“Are you in the mood for supper at the palace, my sweet?”

Sakura lowered her gaze respectfully and answered:

“I would very much like to see the palace, my lord, if it’s not too much to ask. It looks so beautiful from afar.”

Sai had perfectly managed to find out Sakura’s opinion on the matter. Had she thought it a bad idea she would have probably figured out some sort of excuse to buy them time.

Sai smiled a bit broader, all the doting and adoring husband he could be, and Naruto wondered if he was like this with Ino since it came to him so easily. Naruto hadn’t seen the two of them together in public yet. Whenever they had time off together they just disappeared into Sai’s apartment and declined (or straight up ignored) any invitations from the rest of the group.

Right now he beamed at Sakura, and Naruto himself would’ve believed his devotion to her if he hadn’t been so familiar with the difference in Sai’s fake smile and his real one.

“Of course, my darling”, he said before he turned to the small man in front of them. “We humbly accept your lord’s invitation.”

“Excellent, excellent! I will send an escort for you. Daimyo-sama will be most delighted.”

Sabanto bowed before both of them, nodded at Naruto, and left. Naruto closed the door behind him and carefully put his ear against it, making sure the sound of light footsteps faded away and disappeared before he turned to his teammates and signaled that the coast was clear.

Sakura let out a breath, but as soon as she had she looked up, steel in her eyes.

“Okay, here’s what we’re going to do…”

* * *

By the time the escort knocked on the door they were ready. Sakura had made an attempt at a traditional updo while they waited and had nothing better to do, but her hair was a bit too short so she settled for a few pearl adorned pins and deemed it good enough.

Her plan was really simple, and a little risky, but if it worked it would get them all the proof they needed.

Naruto opened the door again, merely grunting in acknowledgment as he let the three guards inside. They bowed deeply before Sai and Sakura and exchanged a few pleasantries before they turned to leave with both of them in tow. Naruto closed the door behind them and followed, which made one of the guards stop and turn.

“Ryoko-sama, I assure you that you and your wife are completely safe with us. Your guard is not needed.”

Naruto stopped in his tracks and tried not to show surprise. Instead, he folded his arms and tried to look imposing, trusting Sai to handle the situation, which he did.

“We are not going anywhere without Gado. Daimyo-sama would surely understand.”

The guard hesitated at first, but then he nodded. Clearly he didn’t want to harm the Daimyo’s chances of making a good deal tonight.

All six of them made their way up the winding path towards the palace. They passed a guarded gate and Naruto noticed that it was both sturdier and more secure than the one that led into the village itself. Plus it was rather pretty, painted red and with paper lamps hanging from protruding wooden figures that resembled dragons. This Daimyo sure wasn’t modest, flashing this type of ornaments in a small, unassuming village like this one.

They continued up the hill that the palace inhabited and it looked even more extravagant up close. They were led into a heavily ornate salon before they went down a hallway into a large dining room. Naruto didn’t have to wonder who the Daimyo was. He was wearing the most garish get-up Naruto had ever seen and his hat was covered in gold, pearls and jade.

Daimyo Attotekina Ona was a large man, rather well-built, actually, which surprised Naruto. His figure kind of reminded Naruto of Killer B, but he doubted they had anything else in common. Ona’s eyes matched the jade in his stupid hat perfectly and he towered over Sai and Sakura as they approached him. They both bowed deeply and the large man sort of bowed back, respectfully and without rushing it - but it still wasn’t much more than a nod.

“Toreda-san”, he said, and his voice was rather deep and strangely warm. “I am honoured that you and your lovely wife chose to join me this evening.”

The only thing that seemed out of place was the way Ona had emphasised ‘lovely’. It just didn’t sound as sincere as everything else, and Naruto soon realised why as the man's eyes landed on him. The look that the Daimyo gave him reminded him far too much of those two women that had made him so embarrassed back in Konoha before they left.

_Crap._

Naruto quickly bowed deeper than Sai and Sakura had and hoped his eyes hadn’t shown any of the dread he felt. The Daimyo was still watching him as he straightened his back again, and all he did was smile, so Naruto figured they were fine.

Sai and the Daimyo got the usual greetings, thanks, and other shallow types of exchange that this sort of meeting required out of the way, and then Ona asked them to join him by the table. Naruto stood firm as Sakura and Sai sat down.

The first part of the evening was rather uneventful. The Daimyo and Sai talked about standard stuff, mostly, nothing special, and then they got into land, prices, and even bartered for a bit (Sai playing his role perfectly all the way through) before Sakura suddenly let out a very low sigh. Her ‘husband’ immediately turned his attention to her.

“My flower, are you bored by all this talk of business?”

Sakura looked abashed.

“Oh, no, don’t mind me, husband, I’m just a little tired.”

Sai smiled sweetly at her and then he turned back to Ona with a rather foxy grin on his face.

 _Oh, here we go_ , Naruto thought.

“Daimyo-sama, your hospitality and your company are all that I need, but my dearest wife seems to want something a little bit more… exciting.”

Ona raised an eyebrow at that but seemed intrigued. Sakura, on the other hand, made a show of trying to downplay the whole thing by blushing brightly (just how did she do that on command?) and hide her mouth with her hands.

The Daimyo watched them both and then a smile spread across his face, his green eyes glistening clearly through the dim light in the room.

“I understand your wife, Toreda-san. I enjoy a good deal, but there are other things that are far more… exhilarating. Tell me, are you very tired, my lady, or would the prospect of something thrilling prompt you to stay in our company for a bit longer?”

Sakura’s eyes lit up with interest.

“What would that be, Daimyo-sama, if you don’t mind me asking?”

She bowed her head slightly and Ona smiled back before he refocused his interest on Sai.

“Tell me, Toreda”, he said, throwing etiquette out the door. ”What’s the story behind your bodyguard? Did he perhaps… use to be a shinobi?”

Naruto held back a smile. They wouldn’t even have to feed the Daimyo the story - he had already thought of it himself. Naruto made a mental note about not to underestimate the man.

Sai grinned back at Ona in a way Naruto had never seen him grin before and with a soft surge in his stomach he realised that Sai was imitating his own smile. It sure looked sincere and disarming, and the Daimyo was clearly buying it.

“Gado is a former chunin from Konohagakure. He quit three years ago and has been with us for the last two.”

“Affinity?”

“Wind.”

“Really?”

The Daimyo looked interested. Maybe a bit too interested, Naruto thought, because his eyes had left Sai to linger on Naruto. For a moment Naruto thought Ona was on to them, but then...

“Is he still… in shape?”

Naruto’s heart sank. He was in no way in the mood the be examined as some sort of specimen by this person. Or anyone, ever. Sai had a knack for catching on to perverts though, and Naruto felt thankful when he heard him say:

“Of, course, there’s no need to worry about that, Daimyo-sama. Gado keeps up his regimen and spars regularly with other personal guards of ours. He’s by far the most talented, which is why we bring him with us on our travels. How come?”

The question managed to grab the Daimyo’s attention and he looked away from Naruto to meet Sai’s eyes.

“I might have something that could excite you and your wife. If you are able to stay with me for another hour and a half and are prepared to let go of your honoured guard.”

“Darling?” Sai said and looked at Sakura, whose eyes shone with interest. Without looking away from his ‘wife’ Sai continued: “Yes, Daimyo-sama, we would love to stay.”

“Excellent. My guards will escort… Gado, was it? They will escort him to the... area and let him get prepared while we enjoy dessert and maybe some sake, hm?”

Sai grinned again and waved a hand lazily in Naruto’s direction.

“It sounds delightful, Daimyo-sama. We look forward to… _reuniting_ with him.”

It was settled. In ninety minutes Naruto would fight in the Daimyo’s illegal fighting ring and they would get all the evidence they needed to prove that he was involved in criminal activity.

Naruto tried hard not to smile as he was escorted away. The mask was good at hiding his face but too thin to hide the grin that was teasing the corners of his mouth.

Thirty minutes later he had been fed a simple meal and had gotten to choose a weapon to bring into the ring. He went with a simple wooden bat since there was no kunai, and he had no knowledge of kenjutsu or… anything else weapon-wise, really. A bat seemed easy enough. Being offered to choose a weapon made him think that the ninja that fought here probably weren’t very proficient in ninjutsu and Naruto wondered just how much he would have hold back.

He was sitting on a wooden bench with his back against the wall, fighting the restlessness that made his left heel tap against the floor no matter how hard he tried to stay still. Naruto had never been any good at remaining calm and just waiting - not even moulding chakra or gathering nature energy or anything - just sitting. After a while he couldn’t stand it anymore and got up, stretched, and asked the guard to visit the restroom. It could be a good opportunity to snoop around for a bit and see more of what he figured was the palace basement.

The guard escorted Naruto down the hall, but he seemed rather relaxed and unfocused and he just motioned to Naruto to get inside and then turned his back on him to lean against the wall. Naruto’s eyes scanned the hall quickly before he went inside.

The restroom looked like shit and he was happy that the mask was obstructing at least a little bit of the smell. He turned on the faucet and then quickly formed the seal to make a bunshin. It appeared with a low poof and Naruto closed the faucet again. It had masked the sound, he thought. Not that the guard outside seemed very alert or aware of their surroundings.

He looked at his other self, who looked back, eyes equally blue. They both nodded once and then the clone reached out and flushed the nearest toilet. Naruto grinned and turned on the faucet again to ‘wash’ his hands before he left. The guard outside stretched lazily and followed him back to the room where he had been waiting before. Naruto settled in, calmer and more relaxed than before, knowing that his clone was out there trying to find even more proof of the Daimyo’s activities.

Just a few minutes later he jolted to his feet in shock as the clone disbanded and his head filled with its memories.

* * *

He was waiting in the restroom until he no longer could hear the two pairs of footsteps that belonged to his real self and the guard. Then he carefully opened the door and slipped out.

He quickly and silently went down the hall towards what he figured was some type of office. Naruto had noticed it as the guards brought him down there and now the clone stepped inside, carefully closing the door behind him. He turned, expecting to see file cabinets and a desk, but it turned out to be rather dark and cramped. This was no office; it seemed to be a discarded old weapons storage. He almost cursed out loud.

Well, whatever. There was clearly nothing here and he had two choices; keep going down the hall to try and find something of interest, or just disband now and leave the original Naruto disappointed. He decided to try for the first option and listened through the door to make sure no one was out there when he heard rapid footsteps echoing through the basement. Several people were running down one of the adjacent hallways. He could even hear people shouting what sounded like orders - it seemed to be the guards and he could hear the steps split up and disappear in different directions. He listened intently, ear pressed against the wooden door. He could hear three sets of feet that seemed to be nearing his location, although in an adjacent hall and still quite far off, so he figured if he slipped out now they wouldn’t be close enough to see him. He deliberated with himself for a bit but finally decided not to risk it. Instead, he’d stay where he was, keep listening and try to figure out what was going on. What had gotten the guards so riled up?

The clone pressed his ear against the door again when suddenly it was jerked open so that he fell forward and landed flat on his face. Perplexed, he managed to pull his feet up under him and quickly tried to form the seal for disbandment, but the other person was too fast - they grabbed him by the collar and pushed him forcefully back inside the storage, followed him inside and closed the door behind them both.

The stranger still held on to his haori and pressed him hard into the back wall. The clone noticed that they seemed to be listening through the door the same way he had just moments before, so he kept quiet, just staring at the silhouette of other person's back in the darkness, figuring they were technically not enemies if they both wanted to hide from the guards. Plus, he was intrigued; this person was probably the cause behind the commotion.

After a while that seemed like an eternity, the stranger relaxed slightly and turned towards him. A spark of red glistened in the dark and a low and all-too-familiar voice hissed at him:

“What the _fuck_ are you doing here?”

His mind went blank, the surprise just short of a shock.

“... Sasuke?”

“Leave. _Now_.”

The red eye narrowed dangerously.

“Don’t get in my way.”

The clone stared in disbelief into the void, trying to see anything else but that one, glowing eye, but it was too dark. He remained stunned by shock even as Sasuke’s hand closed around his throat. The slender fingers pressed until his windpipe gave in, and the clone disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I like to give my OC's silly names.
> 
> This chapter was a scene setter and a sort of build-up for the drama that is underway. Stay tuned - I think (hope) you'll enjoy what comes next!
> 
> See you in about a week ^^


	3. Devotion and separation

He stared wide-eyed up at Naruto, his heart in his throat as the shock seeped into every vein in his body.

_Is he… kissing me?_

Sasuke could feel his anger and - way worse - his _resistance_ bleed out onto the rocky riverbed beneath them. No. This was not happening. This wasn’t real. But the stones pressing into his back, and the cold water soaking his clothes, felt way too realistic to be anything but.

He realised that his Sharingan was fading away and that he couldn’t bring it back, even though he tried. For a moment Sasuke stared blankly at Naruto, without seeing. Why didn’t he push Naruto away? Why didn’t he take this chance to get the upper hand? What was this _feeling_? The one that made his heartbeat race and his hands tremble. The one that made it hard to breathe, and made his eyes burn, but clearly not because he had been overusing the Sharingan. Sasuke swore internally, hating that his own eyes would betray him - that his _whole body_ betrayed him this way, but...

He closed his eyes over the tears that threatened to well up and helplessly relaxed into it. Even though his lips and teeth hurt from the collision. Even though he still kind of believed it wasn’t true, that it was a trick, a ruse...

Naruto’s tongue found its way into Sasuke’s mouth and his doubts washed away. Sasuke met him, hesitant at first because he still didn’t know what to think, but when he noticed the eagerness in Naruto’s kiss - he finally _let go_.

He melted into Naruto fully and completely unabashed _._ For a moment their gaze met and the look in Naruto’s eyes made his heart jump. He let his eyes fall shut again and when Naruto touched his hair gently Sasuke’s head _spun_. He grabbed ahold of the orange jacket with both hands, jerking Naruto even closer, and wrapped his arms around his back. He pressed their bodies together as hard as he could.

Naruto gasped into his mouth and the soft touch to his hair suddenly turned into a firm grip. Sasuke winced slightly at the pain but didn’t pull away. Instead, he kissed Naruto with even more intensity and buried his fingernails fiercely into his back. 

Naruto gasped again, and for a brief moment Sasuke felt concerned about whether it had hurt, but then Naruto let go of Sasuke’s collar to grab his chin and jaw and it was everything but gentle.

His concern for hurting Naruto didn’t surprise him. It had always been lingering in the back of Sasuke’s head, despite all the harsh words and the violence that he consciously had subjected Naruto to. Sasuke was aware that he had never wanted to hurt him, but the path he had chosen had made it a necessity. In a twisted way, he had managed to tell himself that it was _right._ He had known that the confusing bond he had with Naruto would get in his way - and now it _had_ \- and he didn’t _care_ anymore _._

Their kisses intensified and their hands grew bolder until their bodies ached less of pain and more of _something else_. It was exhilarating - and _so_ confusing. That was when Sasuke finally snapped out of it; flustered and embarrassed. _No_ , he thought decisively, trying to tell himself that it was the truth, not embarrassed - _angry_. He broke free, gasping for air:

“Stop… Get _off me_!”

He grabbed the front of Naruto’s jacket and forced him away, using his other hand to push himself up. Holding Naruto at an arm's length, Sasuke stared at him, still not knowing what to think, what to believe - about Naruto’s actions _or_ his own reaction to them. He was panting hard, and he could feel his own heartbeat throughout his whole body, more intense than during battle. More intense than _anything_ he had ever experienced before.

Naruto stared back, something wild and almost scared in those bright, blue eyes. Sasuke felt his heart skip a beat and cursed it for it.

“I’m sorry…” Naruto whispered breathlessly.

Sasuke looked away. He felt more exposed than ever and he didn’t like it. He had, strangely enough, liked everything _before_ this, but now that they were back to reality he hated that he had slipped up so badly. He realised that it was too late to try and smooth this over with his usual stoic demeanor, but he couldn’t let his guard down, either.

The way Naruto watched him and the way _he_ was feeling; it dawned on him that their relationship had never been what he had believed it to be. He had known from the start that he did not see Naruto as merely a friend, but not as a brother, either. It had always been clear to Sasuke that what he felt for Naruto had no similarities to his relationship with Itachi - that it was something else _entirely_ \- but he had never been able to define it. In fact, he had tried hard _not_ to define it, chosen to ignore it, hoping that it would _just go away_ so that he could leave Naruto behind and focus on his current objective.

He couldn’t ignore it anymore. Naruto had taken that possibility away, by showing that he didn’t see Sasuke as just a friend, either. The realisation made the burning sensation in his eyes come back and before he could stop it, he felt something wet run down his cheek.

* * *

Sasuke stared at the spot where the bunshin had been a second ago. He knew the original Naruto was aware of what his clone had seen by now and, knowing Naruto, he would be coming for him, no matter what he said or did. It was just the way Naruto was.

 _What is he doing here_?

Sasuke curled his hand into a fist and ground his teeth. This was the last place he had ever expected to see Naruto, but he should have known to expect the unexpected from him by now.

He had looked different. His hair was shorter and darker, and he had covered his face the same way Kakashi did but it _was_ Naruto - there was no doubt about that. Sasuke would know him anywhere, in any disguise, as long as he could see those eyes.

He tried to calm his heartbeat and get it back under control. But just like _back then_ he found it hard to stay calm and collected when Naruto surprised him.

* * *

Naruto drew a couple of sharp breaths, trying to calm down. He felt dizzy and almost faint, his vision unfocused and his heart racing. Afraid that someone would notice, he snuck a glance at the closest guard - the one who had escorted him to the restroom - and breathed out in relief when he saw that he seemed to be dozing off. Naruto noted that the sounds that his clone had heard in the hall hadn’t reached them in here.

There were three other fighters in the room and none of them seemed to pay attention to him so Naruto relaxed a bit more. He sat back down on the bench and leaned against the cold stone behind him, closed his eyes, calmed his breathing, and tried to think. Sasuke was here, in this _very palace_. Well, _actually_ \- he was just short of a hundred meters away. He was _so close -_ and yet still unreachable.

Naruto was on a _mission_. He valued his work and (even though he didn’t show it as frequently anymore) he still carried the dream of becoming Hokage one day. Abandoning a mission wouldn’t really go well with that ambition. Especially if the reason for abandoning was a long lost rogue ninja that Naruto had no other plans for other than to _talk_ to, despite the capture-on-sight order. Naruto gritted his teeth and tried to push back that wish - he had already sacrificed enough to be with Sasuke, and it hadn’t turned out the way he had wanted it to.

So there he was, conflicted, staring at the dark stone roof of the room he was contained in. He had no idea what to do. His heart didn’t only want one thing, but _two_. He was torn between the chance of finally seeing Sasuke again and his duty; to be the best shinobi possible for his village.

The decision came to him like a sad revelation - not that his other choice had made him any happier - and he relaxed, leaned back, and closed his eyes. He almost groaned when the first thing that entered his mind was the memory of the reason why he was in this _shit position_.

* * *

Sasuke _cried_.

A lonely tear was running down his cheek and he was frozen in his place, looking distraught and almost scared. He didn’t sob, didn’t move, and his eyes were wild with a mix of surprised anger and something else; something that seemed _hurt_. Naruto didn’t know what to do - he felt lost.

“I’m so sorry”, he said again, still out of breath.

Naruto didn’t know what else to do. He had crossed a line, well - _several_ lines, probably - but Sasuke had _seemed_ to be into it. It had seemed as if he had felt the same way, that he had wanted the same thing.

Sure, it had been _rough_ and Naruto’s back ached from where Sasuke had dug his nails into it earlier, but they had both seemed equally engaged. Until they weren’t. Sasuke’s voice still rang clear in his ears, telling him to _stop_.

_Shit, what did I do?_

“Sasuke.”

Naruto reached up towards the hand that was curled into the front of his jacket, meaning to take it, hold it, but Sasuke released his grip and pulled back as if he had been burned. Naruto winced at the painful sting of rejection and decided to not try and touch him again. Instead, he leaned back on his hands in the shallow water.

Naruto felt like he had to at least say something - _anything_ \- but for once he was at a loss for words. He decided to try anyway.

“Hey…” he started, tentative and a little on guard even though he tried not to be. “Look; I get that that was… weird.” He immediately regretted his choice of words. “Er… Not _weird_ , but you know…”

There was no change in Sasuke’s expression. Naruto drew a shivering breath. He had no idea how to do this _right_ , so he reverted to his old, familiar strategy - pure, unchecked honesty.

“I care about you, Sasuke.”

Sasuke flinched at that and his eyes widened, as if the words had shocked him. Naruto waited with bated breath, his heart pounding so hard it was almost suffocating. When Sasuke finally moved it was to lean back into the water and stare up at the sky above them. Naruto stayed where he was, his eyes still focused on Sasuke’s face. It was now a blank mask, impossible to interpret, and his eyes were glossed over with something Naruto only could guess was disbelief.

They were silent for a while. Naruto felt like he had said enough and it was an unfamiliar feeling. He was used to being able to talk people into believing him - believing _in_ him - but he knew that wouldn’t work on Sasuke, so he stayed quiet, waiting for a reaction.

When Sasuke chose to speak his voice was low and heavy with anguish:

“We _can’t_ , Naruto.”

Naruto’s heart almost stopped; because of disappointment or because of the spark of hope he felt when Sasuke didn’t say he _wouldn’t_ or _didn’t want to_ , he had no idea.

“Why?” he asked, trying to keep his emotions under control.

Sasuke scowled and kept gazing absently into the sky for a while, and Naruto couldn’t determine if he was trying to figure out what to say next or simply had decided that the conversation was over. Naruto imagined that the second option was more likely, but he waited nonetheless.

“Because it wouldn’t work out”, Sasuke finally said flatly.

It was Naruto’s turn to be consciously silent for a bit. His mind touched upon all the different reasons he could think of that weren’t in their favour. There were quite a lot of them, yes, but he was sure they could work it out. Somehow. If they both _really_ wanted this, they should be able to find a way, right?

“Would you… _want_ it to work out?” he asked carefully.

Sasuke lifted his head and met Naruto’s gaze. He was still frowning but he didn’t seem angry or upset, just a little perplexed. They stared at each other for quite a while and Naruto refused to look away even though he started to feel self-conscious. Sasuke’s eyes were… intense. Not because of the rinnegan - the _way_ he watched Naruto made him feel _exposed_.

Finally, Sasuke propped himself up on his elbows and looked as if he was going to say something. Instead, he just snorted and Naruto’s heart sank, thinking that Sasuke had put up his walls again. His eyes still held Naruto’s, though, so he guessed that was something.

“I’m not going back to Konoha.”

Naruto had figured Sasuke was thinking along those lines and he had his answer ready:

“Not even to change it?”

Sasuke winced. His eyes shifted from determined to slightly uncertain and Naruto felt a sliver of hope stir in his chest again. Then Sasuke broke eye contact and looked sideways as if he tried to distance himself from it all.

“We should get out of the water.”

That was not the answer Naruto had hoped for, but he realised that Sasuke wanted to avoid the subject and, well - he wasn’t wrong. Naruto’s pants and the sleeves on his jacket was wet, and Sasuke was completely soaked.

“Er… Yeah, probably.”

Naruto got to his feet and offered Sasuke a hand, but he snorted again and chose to get up by himself. His hair was sopping wet and a strand was plastered to his forehead. Naruto wanted to reach out and stroke it away from his face, but didn’t - he felt like he couldn’t take more rejection. He glanced at Sasuke and noticed that the water that was streaming down his pale face was tinted pink; there was blood mixed into it. Naruto looked away, shame spreading through his body. Sure, Sasuke had hit him too, but he couldn’t help it - he was sick of seeing Sasuke in pain, no matter if it was physical or emotional.

He felt Sasuke’s gaze burn into his skin, so he tried to shake it off, looked up, and smiled. Or at least he attempted to. Sasuke sighed.

“Idiot.”

“What?”

Sasuke didn’t answer, instead, he started walking. Naruto followed him out of the water and they both sat down with their backs against a large boulder. Being out of the water and with a larger distance between them, Naruto felt as if they were coming back to reality and he realised that whatever was going on with them, this was not the time to explore it. They had things to do that weren’t _about them_. Things that were objectively way more important.

“Sasuke…”

“Why did you say… _that_?”

Naruto blinked in surprise. He had not expected Sasuke to speak.

“Why did I say what?"

Sasuke looked away, turning his head so that Naruto couldn’t see his face.

“Why did you say… that you care about me?”

Naruto scowled. He especially hadn’t expected Sasuke to bring _that_ up.

“Why do you think? Because I _do_ , you know”, he answered, his tone a little indignant. He didn’t understand how there could be any question about that.

Sasuke turned and their eyes met. Naruto’s breath hitched; he had never seen that look in Sasuke’s eyes before - the intensity from earlier was _nothing_ compared to _this_ . This time _he_ had to look away.

“But _why_? Why do you care? I have given you no reason to.”

Naruto swallowed, suddenly nervous. Sasuke had asked him similar things before, but in anger, and phrased very differently. This time the question seemed sincere and Naruto had to make sure that he managed to phrase his answer in a way that would make Sasuke trust that _he_ was sincere, too. Naruto collected himself, and his voice was low and steady when he started to talk.

“I always have - you know that, right? As a friend. Until we found you at Orochimaru's hideout and…” He had to look away, unable to look Sasuke in the eye anymore. “I realised I didn’t _just_ want to be your friend. It was really fucking confusing at first. I mean, I already knew you meant a lot to me, but I haven’t had a lot of… experience with relationships, of any kind, you know, so I wasn’t sure what it meant. I just knew that something had changed. Then the Raikage wanted you dead, and I…” He shook his head. “The thought of you not existing _broke_ me.”

He noticed that Sasuke’s breathing had sped up and when he dared look at him again Naruto was taken aback by the amount of emotion visible in his features. They watched each other for a short moment before Sasuke turned away, hiding his face behind a curtain of dark, wet hair.

“Sasuke…” Naruto started, but once again he was interrupted.

“I’ll undo the jutsu with you.”

Naruto’s eyes widened, and he fell silent, waiting for Sasuke to speak again.

“I’ll undo the jutsu and release the bijuu. I... “

Sasuke’s voice trailed off. Naruto noticed a few drops of water falling down into his lap. They didn’t seem like they came from his hair, and Naruto finally gave in to his previous urge to touch it. He carefully stroked away the dark strands that hid Sasuke’s face from him and Sasuke jerked away, but not so fast that Naruto couldn’t see the tears. He didn’t reach out to touch Sasuke again and Sasuke didn’t seem like he wanted to finish the sentence he had started earlier so Naruto decided to speak:

“Thank you.”

Sasuke said nothing, so Naruto continued:

“Let’s do it.”

Naruto lifted his hand again, the palm with the mark of the sun open towards Sasuke. After a short moment, Sasuke lifted his as well, only to stop a few centimeters away. Naruto watched him intently. Had he changed his mind?

“Naruto…”

“Yeah?”

“After we’ve done this everyone will wake up, and they will come looking for you. For us. If they find me, I might be as good as dead.”

“What?” Naruto stared at him, unable to say anything else.

Sasuke looked up. He was calm and he was back to seeming indifferent, but Naruto could see in his eyes that he was everything but.

“Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean I won’t do it. I’m saying that when we’ve released everyone - I will leave. I won’t allow myself to be captured and they will stop at nothing to subdue me.”

“But… You’re helping. You _helped_. Without you, we never would’ve won...” Naruto started, a hint of desperation in his voice, but Sasuke interrupted him:

“ _This_ … It cannot erase all the other things I’ve done. There will be no forgiveness for me. They will lock me up or kill me.”

He fell silent for a bit, looked away from Naruto, and leaned his head against the boulder behind them. Then he sighed, scowling, and continued, voice calm and even:

“I have done things that won’t be forgiven and forgotten. People will demand some sort of retribution and not even _you_ will be able to protect me from the wrath of all the elemental nations.”

Naruto stared at him, dumbstruck, hand still stretched out. Sasuke looked back at him and seemed to come to the conclusion that Naruto didn’t understand, so he continued:

“I acknowledge that I’ve made mistakes. Sometimes I knew I made bad choices even as I pursued them. I thought I did what I had to do, what I was _meant_ to do… But I did know that I was… Out of line.”

“That’s one way of putting it”, Naruto said with a sad smile.

Sasuke glared at him, but didn’t let the sarcasm stop him as he pushed on:

“I’m saying we’ll have to part ways again, Naruto. And this time maybe for good.”

Naruto swallowed hard and tried to hold back the sadness that felt as if it was going to suffocate him. Sasuke seemed very determined, and Naruto had never been able to talk him out of _anything_ he had set his mind to before. That didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try, though.

“I know that if you came back and talked to Granny Tsunade she’d…”

“I won’t go back to Konoha.”

There it was. Again. He knew that was it, that Sasuke wouldn’t change his mind about this.

Naruto nodded slowly in acknowledgment, trying to smile, but tears were already forming in his eyes. He attempted to fight it for a bit, but when Sasuke softly _said his name_ , he gave in. He lowered his hand and bowed his head as the tears ran unhindered down his face. It was too much. For a moment, when Sasuke had said he’d release the jutsu and the bijuu, Naruto had thought that everything would be fine. That they’d both go back to Konoha and figure everything out together. He had been naive.

He felt Sasuke shift beside him and Naruto glanced to the side just in time to see him reach out as if to touch him, but stop before he did. Naruto’s gaze latched on to the small symbol of the moon - distorted through the tears - in Sasuke’s hand.

“What if I came with you?”

Sasuke pulled back and Naruto followed the motion with his eyes, a little surprised by how sudden it was. He looked at Sasuke, who was frowning, clearly displeased by his question.

“ _No_.”

Naruto felt a hint of anger flare within him. He tensed and dug his fingers into his legs so hard it almost hurt.

“Why not?”

“Because… You have a home and a life there. Because you shouldn’t be punished with a life on the run because of _my_ actions.”

His tone was harsh and unrelenting, but then he sighed and looked at Naruto, fire in his eyes. When he spoke again it was softer and more insistently:

“Because you are going to be Hokage.”

Naruto froze. Sasuke was right about leaving Konoha… Leaving Sakura, Kakashi-sensei, Konohamaru, _Iruka-sensei - everyone_. Not just for a while, but _abandoning_ them; it was as if his heart was ripped apart. And then Sasuke’s firm belief that he would _actually_ become Hokage someday...

“At least… write to me?”

Sasuke lowered his eyes, as if he was thinking about it.

“Sasuke. You _have_ to write to me. Don’t disappear. If you do, I’ll have to come to find you. _Again_.”

Sasuke snorted.

“Idiot”, he said softly before he surprised Naruto completely by leaning forward, putting a hand at the back of Naruto’s head and pressing their foreheads together. He didn’t say anything, but Naruto felt like he understood.

Together they formed the seal and released the Infinite Tsukuyomi. Still holding Naruto’s hand Sasuke set the bijuu free. He met Naruto’s eyes one last time and Naruto smiled sadly, finally at a complete loss for words. There was nothing more he could say.

Sasuke’s eyes seemed to bore into him, and Naruto could swear that for a second the left one gleamed red. Sasuke slowly let go of his hand and the feeling of their fingers brushing against each other and then fall apart was almost painful. Sasuke kept his gaze fixed at Naruto for another moment, his face blank although his eyes conveyed everything but indifference.

And then he left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, difficult conversation for our boys, but also some passion and cuteness.
> 
> Anyone who was happy to see some of that after last week's very romance-free chapter? ^^


	4. Interruptions and promises

Naruto’s back felt cool against the dark stone wall behind him, and he tried to focus on that feeling and that feeling only, pushing all other thoughts down and away.

_If only I had tried harder._

_If only I had been able to convince him._

_If only I hadn’t let him go._

He snuffed each thought out like a candle and started to feel calm enough to assess the situation.

The guards were well aware of Sasuke’s presence and that would probably have some consequences for the mission. Naruto had barely finished that thought before the door next to him flew open and the rustle of armour and clatter of metal reinforced boots against stone filled the room. The other fighters flinched and stared, Naruto merely glanced over at them, heart beating hard in his chest. One of the three new guards talked to the slack guy who had been guarding the room in a low, agitated voice. The lazy guard sighed and then he hit his spears metal end piece against the floor to get everyone’s attention.

“Okay, you lot. Tonight's fight has been cancelled. Go back to your masters.”

The tirade of curses that went through Naruto’s head would’ve rendered even Pervy Sage speechless.

* * *

Naruto had waited for a month when the first letter arrived. He removed it from the hawk’s leg and opened it with shaky hands, too excited to be able to keep them steady.

_Naruto,_

_I hope you are well. I am._

_Sasuke._

Naruto stared blankly at it for quite a while. That was _it_ ? He scowled and decided that his reply would prompt for some more information - a _real_ letter - but before he could even reach for pen and paper the hawk took off.

“Hey! Wait! I haven’t… _Shit_!”

He stared after it, frozen in his place. He had already tried to send Sasuke letters with other birds, but they had all come back with the letter still attached to their leg; they couldn’t find him.

Naruto had given up and had patiently waited for Sasuke to send a letter so he’d be able to use Sasuke’s _own_ bird, but… it was gone.

He swore and decided that next time, he’d be ready.

By the time the second letter arrived Naruto had carried a response with him _everywhere_ for _three weeks_ and he _still_ barely managed to get it onto the hawk’s leg before it took off again.

The letter he got from Sasuke looked a lot like the first and Naruto was unsurprised, but he felt a little more hopeful thinking about the next one. If Sasuke had something to reply to and a few questions to answer - maybe then he’d open up a little.

Two months passed without any new signs of life from Sasuke and Naruto started to get worried. In four months he had gotten two ‘letters’ which told him _nothing_ and after almost nine weeks of silence, he started thinking that would be it. Perhaps there wouldn’t be any more of them, maybe Sasuke had gotten into some real trouble or… had cut him off. Naruto reluctantly thought that the latter seemed more likely considering Sasuke’s level of skill as a shinobi (and him being a _total dick_ ).

Naruto started planning to leave Konoha. Not forever - just to find Sasuke and give him a piece of his mind, and to show him that Naruto had _meant it_ when he’d said that he’d come after him. All Naruto had to do was wait for a few days off from missions. The only problem was the lessons with Iruka-sensei that he was supposed to attend when he was home. Naruto had already started to weasel his way out of them now and then, motivation fading as his concern for Sasuke grew. He couldn’t concentrate either way, so what was the point? Now Naruto figured he had to ditch them all together for a while so he wouldn't be immediately missed when he left.

The fight that ensued when Iruka-sensei confronted Naruto about his lack of interest in the lessons were on a level Naruto had never experienced before. He was covered in cold sweat and his hands were shaking when Iruka-sensei finally stormed off, but he had managed not to waver in his conviction or slip up about his plans. Telling Iruka-sensei that Naruto wanted to skip lessons to go find a S-class rogue ninja with a kill-on-sight order in three out of five elemental nations was not in the cards. He couldn’t tell anyone, not even Iruka. Naruto _had_ to be free to go find Sasuke. He just _had_ to.

It took over a week before they spoke again and Iruka-sensei was still pissed. Naruto felt horrible but thought he would make everything right again as soon as he had talked to Sasuke.

After a particularly shitty mission Team 7 got ten days off and Naruto saw his chance. He decided that he’d have a well-deserved shower and a few hours in his own bed before he left, but when he tried to slink off Sakura caught him in a headlock and declared that they all deserved a drink. Naruto tried to protest but she would have none of it and proceeded to drag both him and Sai with her towards their regular place - a tiny bar at the edge of town. It was the type of place where the staff didn’t care to check whether their patrons actually were old enough to drink.

Naruto liked the place, even though it was rather run-down. Since it was in the outskirts of Konoha it had survived when Pain leveled most of the village, and Naruto was fond of the area for that reason. Another good thing about it was that the bartender and the server never looked at him twice. They probably knew who he was, but they let him be - even though they also probably knew he was way too young to be there.

The first time Naruto had learned about the place was when Kiba had dragged him and the other boys there for their first bender together. At least that had been Kiba’s plan. The others hadn’t been as excited. Choji worried about breaking the rules, Shikamaru didn't think it was worth the risk of getting caught doing something illegal and declared that hangovers seemed bothersome. Lee backed away slowly - his face almost as green as his jumpsuit - and Neji had pursed his lips disapprovingly and followed Lee. Naruto was uninterested - he wanted a sharp mind and body for the training he was conducting at the time - and Sai was indifferent, so he had decided to just do what Naruto did. Kiba yelled after all of them as they left and stormed off in another direction - completely missing Shino, who was the only one who had yet to protest the idea, and still was standing in front of the entrance.

Then the war happened. After a few days back in Konoha they all met up - the girls too - and went to the shoddy little bar together. They declared a toast for Neji and laughed (and cried) a little about how he’d probably not approve of it. It was a quiet night, spent talking about the people they had lost - not at all the crazy bender that Kiba had planned the first time he’d brought them there - but it was calming and comforting. Naruto quite liked the warm feeling that spread throughout his body with every sip of sake. He only wished Sasuke had been there as well, but he couldn’t say that. No one else mentioned him and Naruto didn’t want to bring him up, either.

The others had conflicting feelings when it came to Sasuke. Ino and Sakura had been sad that Sasuke hadn’t come back to the village. They believed him to be reformed and on Konoha’s side again, despite the fact that he was out there, still a rogue ninja. Hinata carefully agreed and Chouji nodded slowly at what the girls said. Kiba, on the other hand, saw Sasuke as an enemy of Konoha, one he’d rather like to get a shot at, and he and Ino entered a screaming contest until Shikamaru calmed them down. Shikamaru didn’t trust Sasuke either, but made a point about trusting Naruto. The others didn’t say much and seemed conflicted. Not even Lee wasn’t able to take a clear stand on the matter. In the end, he decided to put his trust in Naruto the same way Shikamaru did.

Naruto had told them all what had happened, or at least a version of it; that they had fought, but reconciled, and that Sasuke had released the Tsukuyomi together with Naruto of his own free will. He didn’t get into exactly what he had done to change Sasuke’s mind and he couldn’t really explain to them what Sasuke was up to since Naruto didn’t know that himself. He had only said that Sasuke refused to return to Konoha, and that Naruto had decided not to fight him over it, since he was sure that Sasuke would never try to hurt Konoha, or any of the other villages, ever again.

The others had looked at him and all the different expressions on their faces had only made him embarrassed and unsure about how to handle the situation. Either way, the subject was still sore between Ino and Kiba and the whole group avoided it after that.

When Team 7 arrived at the run-down little bar Sakura ordered a bottle of sake for all three of them and threw her first cup back with a speed that made Naruto wince. Maybe she had hung around Granny Tsunade a little too much. Sai barely touched his cup and Naruto took it slow, not wanting to actually get drunk - he was going to go on a trip very early in the morning, after all.

Sakura was in a terrific mood. She was talking excitedly about what she was going to do with her time off. Most of it seemed to be training and extra work at the hospital to keep her medical ninjutsu sharp, but she also wanted to plan a get-together with the rest of their friends. Naruto felt guilty about the fact that he probably wouldn’t be there for it, but pushed that away and pretended to be equally pumped about the idea.

They pretty much planned the whole thing and Naruto got excited for real, not noticing that Sakura filled his cup several times during their conversation. After a while, he started feeling woozy and a little unfocused and he realised that he was getting drunk. To Sakura, this was a regular night of celebrating a job well done but to _him_ …

_Shit._

Naruto realised he had to pull himself together and go home. Sakura expressed disappointment and Naruto felt a warmth in his gut about the fact that she genuinely wanted to hang out with him these days, but he still got up from his chair.

“I’m really tired, you guys. Imma go home.”

Sakura and Sai stayed a while longer, although Naruto was pretty sure that Sai only wanted to make sure that Sakura didn’t get too drunk to get home by herself. When he left he felt both happy and sad. It had been a fun night, but he felt bad about lying and pretending like everything was normal. Hopefully, Sakura and Sai wouldn’t be too disappointed or mad at him when they found out that he had left the village. It would only be temporary, after all.

He strolled through Konoha’s dim and silent streets, counting the street lights he passed on his way home. It calmed his otherwise rather muddled mind, but about halfway he got lost in thought anyway and stopped to stare up at the sky. It was pitch black, barely any stars were visible, and the lack of lights and colours prodding at his vision made him feel slightly more sober. He drew a deep breath of brisk winter air and tried to imagine seeing Sasuke again. Tried to remember what it had felt like to have him close. What it would feel like to hold him again. He shuddered at the thought, but it might have been the cold. Naruto started walking again - he had to get ready for tomorrow and stop wasting his time _thinking_ instead of _acting_.

Since he felt soberer he took to the roofs and arrived outside his apartment within minutes. A shower was even more appealing now and he quickly got out of his clothes and slipped into it, turning the handle to let the warmth wash all over him. Well, he _wanted_ it to be warm but instead he got a face full of ice-cold water. It made him yelp out loud and jump back into the far corner of the shower until it warmed up enough for him to step into the jet again.

He had no idea how long he was in the shower, but when he stepped back into his room something felt very different from before. It was pitch black since he hadn’t turned any lights on, but he knew that he wasn’t alone in the apartment anymore. 

“For real?” he said into the darkness. “For _fucking_ real, Sasuke?”

He heard the rustling of fabric and shifting of feet against the floor and grimaced.

“You didn’t even take your shoes off?”

He could hear movement that made him think Sasuke had flinched. 

“... that’s what you’re focusing on?” 

Naruto couldn’t help it. Anger surged through him like fire.

“What the fuck, Sasuke?” he hissed. “What are you doing here? I was just about to leave and come to find you!”

He was going to continue, but Sasuke interrupted him:

“Why?” He sounded puzzled, and Naruto almost growled at him.

“Why do you _think_ ? Because I haven’t heard from you in _months -”_ He heard Sasuke draw in breath as if he was going to interrupt him, so he pushed on, but still kept his voice low as to not alert the neighbours: “- not in any way that _matters_ ! You wouldn’t tell me _anything!_ You call those _letters_ ? _Really_ ? You thought I would be _satisfied_ with that? You didn’t even answer the letter _I sent you_ . I was going to leave to find you and give you a _fucking beating_ for the past few months…”

In the last few sentences, Sasuke walked forward to stand right in front of him. Naruto fell silent, perplexed, but he was still seething with anger.

“Naruto.” 

Naruto turned his face away. His cheeks were burning and he didn’t know if it was because of being upset, or because Sasuke was so close. Either way, he figured it was too dark for Sasuke to see him, so it didn’t matter.

“Naruto”, Sasuke said again, his voice soft; just like when they were saying goodbye at the Final Valley. Naruto’s heartbeat sped up a little, and not because of anger this time.

“What?” he muttered, annoyance clear in his voice.

“I wanted to see you.”

Naruto’s cheeks burned even hotter as Sasuke’s words sunk in. He suddenly got very conscious about being fresh out of the shower and only wearing a towel around his waist. He kept his head turned away, not sure if he dared to look Sasuke in the eye. 

“Well, here I am”, he said and tried with all his might to still sound mad, but wasn’t sure if he succeeded.

“I’m sorry.”

Naruto blinked and turned to look at Sasuke. Those were words he had never heard Sasuke say before and he could feel the anger starting to melt away. He closed his eyes and tried to calm his breath, holding on to the reason why he was pissed off.

“About the letters or the shoes?” Naruto muttered and crossed his arms over his chest.

Sasuke didn’t answer, and Naruto decided to drop it. Sasuke had stayed away and had barely reached out for over four months and now he had decided to just show up? Something must have happened to make him do something so drastic.

“Sasuke. What are you doing here? You said you wouldn’t come back.”

“I’m not here to stay”, Sasuke answered and Naruto felt no surprise.

“I get that, but you’re still here. How did you even get in here…”

Then he remembered Sasuke’s abilities and fell silent for a brief moment, trying to glare at Sasuke through the darkness, even though he barely could see the outlines of his body.

“You made one of those portal-thingy’s and stepped right into my apartment?” he said, voice flat.

“Something like that.”

“And you couldn’t have thought about doing that earlier? I have been _waiting_ and _worrying_ for _months_ …” The anger was building up again.

“I sent you reports.”

Naruto almost burst, and for a moment he even felt Kurama stir inside of him. When the fox realised there wasn’t anything dangerous going on, he snorted disapprovingly and went straight back to sleep. Naruto sent an angry ‘ _you just don’t understand_ ’ in his direction but got nothing in response.

Sasuke seemed to realise that Naruto’s silence was worse than him yelling or cursing and he pulled back, but not far. The tension between them filled the air until it almost was hard to breathe, but Naruto didn’t speak. Not until he had calmed down enough to keep his voice steady.

“Sasuke. You promised me letters, not _reports._ ”

“I promised nothing.”

“ _What_!?”

“You demanded letters - I never said I would send any.”

Naruto inhaled sharply, readying himself to go _off_ on the idiot in front of him, but stopped short, mouth open and eyes wide when the memory hit him. _Damn_. Sasuke was right; he had never actually made a promise. Naruto closed his mouth, breathed out of his nose, and shook his head a little. He couldn’t make an argument out of this and frankly; he didn’t want to anymore. Sasuke was here now, he should focus on that. It was all he had wanted for the past months, and his first response to seeing Sasuke again had been to start a fight - old habits sure died hard.

Naruto's eyes had gotten used to the darkness by then and he could make out some of the features in the pale face before him. Sasuke looked tired. He was also skinnier than what he had been four months ago and the last sliver of irritation melted away to be replaced by concern. The question slipped out of him before he could stop it:

“Why did you come? Did something happen?”

“I already told you that.”

Could that be it? He just _wanted to see Naruto_? Either way, Naruto decided to play along for a while.

“Oh, right. Okay. Tell me again.”

Sasuke hesitated, clearly unsure whether Naruto was messing with him or not. Unsure about whether or not he should lower his guard again, Naruto thought.

“Okay, I’ll tell you first, you dumbass”, he grumbled. “I missed you.”

Sasuke's features softened somewhat and Naruto could tell he relaxed a bit more. He didn’t respond, though, but Naruto decided that the changed demeanour would have to do.

The earlier irritated tension between them had shifted into something else; a strange awkwardness that was unfamiliar and uncomfortable. Naruto couldn’t help but reach up and scratch the damp hair at the back of his head.

“So… Did you just drop in? Are you leaving again?”

“Is that what you want me to do?”

Naruto froze.

“Er, wha- no, I didn’t mean…” he spluttered, then sighed. “Are you hungry, or something?”

“No.”

“Oh, okay.”

The weird tension stretched out again and Naruto started to shift nervously - he felt as if he couldn’t stay still for much longer. Sasuke, on the other hand, stood like a statue before him and it started to piss him off again. He found it hard to figure out what the correct next action should be. Sasuke was there, as strange as it was, and he had actually said that he had wanted to see Naruto, but nothing more. Naruto swallowed.

“Apart from wanting to see me; what made you come here _now_ ? For the last time; _did something happen_?”

Finally, Sasuke shifted his feet. He drew in a slow breath and opened his mouth as if to speak - but didn’t. Naruto waited, tension running up his back, prickling his skin, but Sasuke remained silent, although he clearly had something on his mind. Naruto couldn’t stand it anymore.

“What is it?”

Sasuke still said nothing, but the question seemed to have jerked him out of his inertia. His fingertips touched Naruto's cheek and Naruto’s breath hitched in his throat. He swallowed hard and tried not to show too much of how the touch affected him, but Sasuke had clearly noticed. He moved in a bit closer, so close that Naruto could feel his breath brush against his lips.

“Sasuke…” he whispered breathlessly into the narrow space between them.

As if that were his cue, Sasuke pressed his lips against his.

Naruto’s knees almost gave in beneath him. It was even more overwhelming than what he remembered. Maybe being safe and together at home, in a dark, warm room made the experience even more intense, because _this_ completely took his breath away. He reached up and curled his fists into the fabric of Sasuke’s cloak, as if he’d never let go again. Sasuke snuck an arm around Naruto’s waist and pulled him closer. The feeling of Sasuke’s hand against his bare skin sent electric currents up his spine.

When they parted Naruto’s breath was heavy and his hands were trembling, but he wouldn’t let go of Sasuke’s cloak.

“I’m still kind of pissed at you”, he said, voice low, but without anger.

“Would you rather fight?”

Naruto shook his head and leaned closer again. The second kiss was deeper, less hesitant, and more serious. Sasuke pushed the hand harder against his lower back and let his other hand move to the nape of Naruto’s neck. Their bodies pressed together and Naruto finally let go of the cloak to put his arms around Sasuke, holding on to him almost desperately.

Naruto had been thinking about this. When his mind hadn’t been occupied by worrying and being angry with Sasuke about the lack of news he had been imagining doing _this._ Just being together, without anything else needing their attention. He hadn’t always been sure that Sasuke would want the same thing since he didn’t even send him proper letters, but those doubts were now being washed away.

Sasuke's thumb stroke his cheek and Naruto let out a breathy “I missed you”, as if the touch had triggered the response from him. He let one of his hands find its way into Sasuke’s hair, relishing in the feeling of soft strands of it between his fingers. He broke the kiss for a moment again as the need to tell Sasuke what he felt overtook him:

“I _missed you_.”

“I heard.” Sasuke’s voice was but a breathless whisper and Naruto grinned.

“Jerk.”

Sasuke closed the space between them again, pulling Naruto back into a deep kiss with a heat in it that Naruto hadn’t associated with Sasuke at all before that moment in the Final Valley. That moment when Sasuke had let go and opened himself to the affection Naruto so clumsily had tried to show him. Sasuke’s icy demeanor had melted away and all that had been left was passion and something that had felt like… devotion. This felt the same way.

Naruto’s thoughts drifted at the memory and he realised this wasn’t exactly a safe situation. He pulled back and locked eyes with Sasuke, who was breathing deep. The room was still dark, but Naruto could see rather well through it by then. Sasuke met his gaze with hooded eyes and his nails dug a little into Naruto’s bare skin. He bit back the sound that threatened to slip past his lips.

“Sasuke… Isn’t this kind of risky? What if you’re discovered?”

“I’m not afraid of Konoha.” His voice was coarse and he leaned in for another kiss, but Naruto held him back.

“I’m not afraid for you either, idiot, but what would happen? Would you fight if people came after you? Like, if it was Kakashi-sensei and Sakura… or other Konoha ninja.”

Sasuke pulled away but didn’t remove his hand from Naruto’s back. He was silent for a while, but eventually, he spoke:

“No.”

“So you would let them catch you?”

“No.”

 _“_ Then _what_?” Naruto pressed on through gritted teeth.

“Naruto, you're being annoying.”

“ _You’re_ being annoying…”

Sasuke stepped away from him and let go of his back with a low sigh. Naruto missed his touch immediately, but this was too important to ignore. He wouldn’t be a part of anything that might hurt Konoha and its inhabitants, and if Sasuke was discovered the other ninja would stop at nothing to capture him. If Sasuke and him meeting like this meant that Sasuke might have to fight and hurt Konoha ninja then Naruto would rather just have the shitty letters.

“You should go”, he said, trying with all his might to sound convincing.

Sasuke watched him for a moment and Naruto almost thought he would open a portal then and there and just disappear, but instead, he spoke:

“If I made a promise not to fight back if I’m ever discovered by ninja from Konoha; would you let me visit you again?”

Naruto froze. 

“You’d do that? For real?”

Sasuke lowered his head slightly in confirmation.

“Even if you're completely cornered and can’t escape?”

Sasuke snorted - clearly he thought that scenario unlikely - but he bowed his head once again.

“Okay, then promise me. Really make a promise, this time.” He would not make the same mistake twice, and this was far more important than letters.

Sasuke smiled slightly and Naruto noticed that his eyes had softened. He almost looked affectionate.

“I promise”, he whispered, and then he stepped back into Naruto’s personal space, his hand finding its way back around Naruto’s waist. The way Sasuke looked and the way he _looked at_ Naruto in that moment made him feel as if time stood still. He swallowed, unable to break eye contact. It felt so sincere - almost ceremonial. 

Sasuke leaned forward and his lips brushed against Naruto’s as if he was asking permission. When Naruto didn’t pull away Sasuke went in for another kiss as he added, smirking through the dark:

“And I won’t go back on my word.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you SO much for your comments and to all of you who are following this story <3 
> 
> Thoughts so far? ^^


	5. Concerns and boundaries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're hyped for this chapter - it's a big one. Maybe not in word count, although it's slightly longer than usual. Ah well, you'll see. 
> 
> Having a bit of a family situation. I hope it won't affect the posting, but just putting it out there so you know why if a chapter comes later than usual in the future. 
> 
> I am actually about to start writing the very last chapter of this fic, which is chapter 10 (maybe there will be a need for 11, we'll see, it's... getting a bit longer than I anticipated) - so we're already halfway through posting, gaaah! 
> 
> FYI - I am taking some liberties with Konoha's rules. Because I want to. No need to comment about it :)
> 
> I hope you enjoy this!

Sakura followed her “husband” out of the palace, head slightly bowed and taking extra small steps to keep up the appearance of being dainty. If her twelve-year-old self could see her now, she would be thrilled; dolled up, in a palace, with a handsome husband (although not the one she had had in mind) - she probably would have squealed in excitement. But Sakura only felt uncomfortable, depreciated, and _pissed off_. Sure, it had been her idea to play this role, but only because of the old fashioned ways of this part of Fire country. She hadn’t realised exactly _how_ old fashioned this place was before she got here, though. 

Passing through the little village, she paid close attention to the plain, dark houses - a stark contrast to the garish palace they had just left - and the fact that the street was completely empty. No one was outside and in the huts and houses, all the lights were off. Sure, it was late; but not _that_ late.

When they reached the inn she felt a small sting of surprise, but another part of her felt like she should’ve known. In other villages of this size, inns were usually a place of light, music, and drinking all through the night, but this inn was quiet and just as dark as the other houses. Apart from the night host, it was also empty.

They thanked the guards that had escorted them and went up the stairs to their room. Safe inside Sakura activated the warding seals and then threw herself down on the bed with a sigh. 

“That went well”, she said sarcastically, but instantly changed her mind and propped herself up on her elbows to look at the boys. “Well, actually it did, right until the end.”

Sai nodded with a neutral look on his face, back to his own self and no longer acting the part of the somewhat shrewd trader Ryoko Toreda. Sakura had known he’d be good, but not _that_ good. She had almost blushed for real when he had looked at her with such devotion in his eyes. She made a mental note to never mention that to Ino.

“I don’t know what happened”, she said, frowning. “But I don’t think he’s onto us. I don’t think we’re the reason he called it off. Naruto, what happened in the basement?”

When Sakura looked up at him she almost stopped breathing. He looked… _wrecked_. His body language screamed of emotional distress and she tensed, feeling chakra run to her fists as if she was going to punch an enemy into oblivion. It happened without her intent - by now a natural reaction to danger; to herself or someone she cared about. She pushed it back, stretched her fingers, and locked her eyes on Naruto's face.

“Naruto, what ha…?”

“Nothing.”

She was taken aback by his curt response. He rarely lied to her. Actually, she only knew of one or two times that he had done that before. He wasn’t very good at it and this was clearly him lying, trying to cover something up. She felt her blood run cold and she sat up straight, holding back the urge to rush over, grab his face between her hands and make him look her in the eye. If he lied, something really bad might’ve happened to him. What the _fuck_ had they done to him down there?

“Naruto. What happened, _please_?” she urged.

He sighed and she could see he was scowling even through the mask. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed.

“I need to think. I’ll just get some fresh air and then…”

Sakura didn’t hesitate - if he wanted a minute he’d have it.

“Sure, whatever you need.” Then she hesitated for a moment, anyway. “We should talk, though, about some things Ona said after you left.”

“Yeah, sure. I just need to clear my head. I’ll be right back.”

Sakura nodded, and without looking back Naruto left through one of the windows.

* * *

Sasuke started dropping by Naruto’s apartment. Not often, always several weeks apart, but it made the situation bearable. The letters he sent were still unsatisfactory, but the visits were everything but. 

Sasuke put hints in the letters about when he was going to show up next, but Naruto only managed to figure it out about half of the time. When he did he prepared by buying extra food so that he wouldn’t have to go outside during Sasuke’s stay and Naruto planned out different excuses to tell his friends and Iruka-sensei so that they wouldn’t drop by unannounced. Sakura did once or twice anyway since Naruto couldn’t prepare any excuses for the times he hadn’t been able to figure out Sasuke’s hints about when he was going to show up. She left with a smug expression on her face after having listened to Naruto’s reasons for not being able to hang out. It made him worried. He was pretty sure she didn’t suspect anything, though; had she even had an inkling about what was going on he was pretty sure she wouldn’t just smile and leave.

Five months in Sakura didn’t seem as smug anymore, and Naruto started to notice a hint of irritation radiating off of her every time they were together. She kept it on the down-low during missions, but she didn’t try to make him hang out afterward. She was clearly frustrated with him but she didn’t throw an angry fit the way she used to. Naruto found that he very much preferred her blowing off steam and then going back to being her usual, happy self over this prolonged uncertainty.

He decided to confront her about it.

After a very successful mission, he gathered the courage to do it. As they exited the Hokage tower together he approached her carefully, not wanting to actually make her angry if he was too pushy or annoying.

"Er... Sakura-chan?"

In his nervousness, he slipped back into using honorifics, something he hadn’t really done since the war. Sakura's eye twitched and Naruto swallowed hard. Sai seemed to notice the tension and smiled, waved, and took off without a word. Sakura didn’t even look at him. Instead, she locked her steely gaze on Naruto.

"What?" she answered, tone curt and distant.

"Well... I was kinda wondering if... If you'd like to have dinner? With me? Right now?"

"I'm not going on a date with you, Naruto."

He scowled at her, suddenly more irritated than nervous.

"That's not what I meant!"

"Oh, really? That's new! Why wouldn't you want to ask me out on a date, all of a sudden? You've been pestering me about them for years!" she snapped back at him, widening her stance and putting her hands on her hips.

She looked as intimidating as ever and Naruto bowed his head before her anger. He suddenly remembered how much her punches hurt and realised that he didn't really want her to hit him and ‘get it over with’ anymore.

He raised his hands defensively and closed his eyes as he continued:

"I just wanna hang out, you know? Like we used to. It feels like... It just feels like you don't wanna be around me anymore."

His voice got lower towards the end as it hit him how sad that actually made him. He opened one of his eyes and peered at Sakura. She watched him warily as if she didn’t know how to respond to that. Her stance was less tense and threatening, though, and Naruto relaxed a little. She seemed hesitant and a little unsure.

"I... I wanna be around you", she said slowly. Then she sighed and brushed her fingertips against her forehead, exasperated. "I just... Ugh, okay. Let's go somewhere and talk."

Happy about her change of heart, but still nervous, Naruto followed her down a couple of streets to a small, cosy restaurant he had never been to before. It seemed to mostly serve sweet things, but he went with it, thinking he'd hit Ichiraku's later if he wouldn't get full from eating there. The important thing was to talk things through with Sakura.

They were seated at a small table in the back and Naruto opened a pink menu adorned with pictures of smiling dango and bowls of anmitsu. He buried his head beneath the edge of it for a bit, taking a moment to gather his courage before he'd have to confront Sakura about her strange behaviour.

After a moment of silence, she was the one who spoke first.

"Naruto. What's up with you?"

"Er... What do you mean?"

He peeked at her over the top of the menu. She had put hers down on the table, folded her hands over it and was looking straight at him with a serious look on her face. She didn’t seem angry, though, just concerned; her pink eyebrows furrowed and her mouth a thin line. She took a deep breath.

"I mean you haven't behaved like yourself lately. For a long time, actually."

She locked on to him with her green eyes in a way Naruto hadn't seen since she had tried to convince him that she didn't love Sasuke anymore. The memory made his gut twist.

"What do you mean?" he asked again, tentatively. Apparently it was the only thing he could think of to say.

He caught the subtle change in her features and hid under his menu before she went off on him, her voice an angry hiss:

"I _mean_ that you are distant and rarely talk to any of us anymore. I _mean_ that you are skipping out on the lessons you are supposed to have with Iruka-sensei. I _mean_ that you barricade yourself in your apartment and don't let anyone in - or for that matter, _leave it_ \- for a few days almost every month. I _mean_ that you are clearly _hiding_ something from us and I am getting really, _really_ worried about you. What is going on? What is so secret that you actually _lie to my face_ if I come by your apartment at what seems to be the wrong time?"

Nearing the end of her tirade Naruto had to admit that she indeed started to look really worried. 

_Shit_. 

This was not what he wanted. In fact; this was exactly what he had tried to avoid. Apart from not wanting Sasuke to be discovered, he really didn't want to worry anyone. But here they were and Sakura's large eyes shone with concern. 

"I'm so sorry, Sakura", he said sincerely, sitting up straight and lowering the menu. "I never meant to do that to you."

Her eyes widened - as impossible as it seemed that they'd be able to get any larger - then she collected herself and leaned forward over the table, closing the distance between them before she whispered:

"So why, Naruto? What is going on that makes you act like this?"

He didn't answer, _couldn't_ answer. If he did it would have to be another lie and he didn't want to lie anymore, not when it caused her so much worry.

Sakura leaned back in her chair, looking exasperated.

" _Shit_... At first, I thought you had a secret lover, but I guess not..."

Naruto winced. "What?" 

"Well, you were so secretive and didn't want to go outside and just stayed in... It made me think you had someone in there that you wanted to keep to yourself, and I just... I thought that if I let you be, you'd eventually tell me about it." She looked a little embarrassed. "I really didn't mean to barge in on anything, I'm sorry about that, but... I guess it wasn't a lover, after all."

She drew a shaky breath. 

"So what is going on? Did you invite me out to talk about it or... is it still a secret?"

Naruto hesitated. It would be so easy to just admit that there actually was a secret lover, admit to her that she was right, as always; annoyingly clever as she was. 

But he couldn't. No one could know about him and Sasuke. And the thought of telling _her_ about them... He had dreaded that ever since the Final Valley. Naruto was well aware that he was taking part in breaking her heart and it bothered him to no end - when he wasn't caught up in all the bliss of it. 

Even if Sasuke had not been a rogue ninja, hunted by all the five nations, Naruto wouldn't have been able to just tell her to her face that he spent a few days every month cuddled up next to the love of her life. At least not without preparing thoroughly _how_ he was going to tell her.

_Damn._

He peered at her, heart in his stomach. He cared about her _so much_. He wanted her to be happy, without worry, and with someone who deserved her. And he didn't want to hurt her. 

As he wrought his mind over how to handle the situation they were interrupted by a waiter, and they both placed their orders. Naruto welcomed the break as he tried to make up his mind. Sakura was patient, but it was clear that her concern only grew as she waited for a response.

Naruto sighed and put his menu down at the table when the waiter left. He had made his decision; he couldn’t just straight up lie to her face when she already knew something was up. 

"Sakura-chan", he started, voice low and honorific back because of the tension. "I don't like keeping things from you. I want to tell you, sort of, but I can't. Okay?" 

He scratched the back of his neck and dared to look up at her. She nodded slowly. 

"Okay. Okay, Naruto, I get it. It's none of my business. But..." she sighed. "I just want to know one thing, alright?" 

He stared at her, every muscle in his body tense. If she asked about Sasuke... He wasn't sure he'd be able to lie to her face about that if she did. He braced himself, nodded once and she continued: 

"Are you okay?" 

Naruto froze. He stared at her for a moment, in awe. Here he was, keeping something secret from her which had caused her concern for _months_ , and even though he still refused to tell her - her only wish was to know that he was fine.

He couldn't hold back the tiny smile that appeared on his face due to the warm feeling that spread throughout his body. A short laugh escaped him, and his smile broadened when he answered, with a slightly modified truth: 

"Yeah, I'm good. Really good, actually!" 

Sakura's eyes widened in surprise at first, but then they narrowed mischievously. 

"Oh, really? Maybe my instinct wasn't so wrong, then? _Do_ you have a secret lover?" 

She was clearly mocking him, not really believing that idea anymore, but Naruto took the chance to let the seriousness of the conversation melt away. Sakura’s tone and the look on her face made him laugh again and he scratched the back of his head, embarrassed, but less tense. 

When the server came back with their orders, Sakura was busy firing guesses at Naruto about who the secret lover might be, and he shot every suggestion down with a shake of his head, a frown or a sound of disgust. When she suggested it being Maito Gai and Naruto snorted with laughter and spat cream in her hair, she decided that the guessing game was over. They continued their evening without any tension, concern, or difficult questions and when Naruto walked towards his apartment several hours later, he felt calm, content, and very lucky to have her as a friend.

That calm eased away during the next few days as Naruto's bad conscience caught up with him. Lying to Sakura overall was bad - lying to her about Sasuke was starting to get nerve-wracking. He felt like a really, _really_ shitty friend. If only he didn’t have to lie and could be straight with her - at least then they’d have a chance at working it out together. She was pouring her heart into their friendship, being present, honest, and truly caring for him, and he was keeping the biggest part of his life a secret from her.

He couldn’t stand it. Keeping secrets had always been hard for him. He tended to be very open about his thoughts and emotions, so _of course_ Sakura noticed that change in him. It had been stupid of him to think she wouldn’t, and now she knew something was up but had maturely decided to let him take his time and didn’t push him at all about it anymore. 

The guilt was eating him up inside.

He stared down at the small note in his hands, but he didn’t really see it. He was sitting on the edge of his bed, nervously tapping his heel on the floor. If he had calculated the notes’ content correctly Sasuke should be showing up at any moment.

For once he was right and he let out a sigh of relief when the portal manifested itself in front of him and Sasuke emerged from within. 

“Sasuke”, Naruto whispered as he got up to embrace him.

Sasuke caught him in his arms, burying his face against Naruto’s neck and breathing out, and then inhaling slowly as if to draw in the smell of him. He seemed tired, just as he always did when he dropped by, but the way he had reached for Naruto and the way he held him, spoke of something more; a deeper sort of weariness.

“You okay?” Naruto asked into his hair, closing his eyes and relishing in being close to him again, despite the concern.

“Now I am”, Sasuke mumbled back against Naruto’s skin. 

“Did something happen?”

“Not really.” Sasuke straightened up and looked him in the eyes. “It’s just good to see you.”

Naruto couldn’t help but smile. It had taken months, but by now Sasuke seemed comfortable with actually saying these kinds of things.

“You too.”

Naruto started making dinner as Sasuke activated all the warding seals. He had shown Naruto how to do it and Naruto activated them beforehand if he knew Sasuke was on the way, but it always ended up with Sasuke redoing them, anyway. It had irritated Naruto at first and they had bickered about it, but then he had realised that it had less to do with Sasuke thinking Naruto was bad at wards and more to do with Sasuke being paranoid so he had dropped it. 

When the wards were up Sasuke slipped into the bathroom to have a shower. When he came back out, hair still slightly wet, he was wearing one of Naruto’s t-shirts and a pair of loose, grey pants. Naruto’s heart made a little backflip. It still did that every time Sasuke wore something of his. And every time Sasuke came out of the shower, his face finally calm and seemingly at peace. And every time Sasuke’s hair was wet. That last part always reminded Naruto of their first kiss; Sasuke on his back underneath him as water soaked into his hair and clothes. He could barely believe it had been ten months since then, already.

Naruto glanced over at Sasuke as he sat down by the table with a sigh. No matter how happy he was every time he saw Sasuke step through the portal, this was the best part - when he was relaxed and calm and they could fall into their usual routine and just _be_.

Naruto was just finishing up dinner and placed the rice and the tempura fried vegetables on the counter. He wasn’t the best cook, but having Sasuke over in secret had forced him to learn at least a few things. Sasuke would _not_ eat cup ramen and Naruto didn’t want to leave the apartment to get take-out when Sasuke was there. He wouldn’t waste even a minute away from him when they could be together. 

Before he sat down to eat, Naruto moved behind Sasuke’s back and snuck his arms around him, resting his cheek in Sasuke’s damp hair and hugging him tight. He was slightly nervous about what he was going to do, and he just wanted to bask in the moment for a bit before he risked ruining this visit. Sasuke didn’t do or say anything, but Naruto noticed the way the edges of his mouth was pointing a bit more up afterward.

He gave it a few minutes before even nearing the subject he wanted to talk about. He went through their usual routine; starting by asking Sasuke what he had been up to and receiving the same response as always: 

“Nothing worth mentioning.”  
  
Naruto asked every time, but Sasuke had never even hinted at what it was that he was doing between the visits. That had also been a topic of discussion during the first few times Sasuke dropped by, but Naruto had decided to not press him on the subject; only ask and wait, and maybe someday Sasuke would tell him. Today was not that day, though, and he went on to the next topic:

“Kakashi-sensei is making progress with setting an age limit requirement on joining ANBU. There are still some who oppose, but most of the Daimyo actually signed the petition. It’ll probably be decided by the end of the year.”

He always made sure to have some piece of information about the improvements to the village rules when Sasuke visited. Naruto didn’t really think one piece of information would change Sasuke’s mind about Konoha, but he still wanted him to know that the village was slowly changing under Kakashi-sensei’s leadership. 

Sasuke only hummed in response. He usually ignored whatever Naruto said about Konoha and its (still rather new) Hokage.

“I had dinner with Sakura a few weeks ago.”

This was the third topic that Naruto always brought up. Usually, it was a rather innocent one, just a few updates and sometimes a retelling of some funny event, but today the subject weighed heavily on Naruto’s heart, and he could feel its beating quicken.

“She… knows something’s off.”

Sasuke’s eyes met his. He had stopped eating and just stared at Naruto intently, his posture stiff as he waited for Naruto to keep talking. Naruto poked at his rice for a bit as he thought about the best way to continue. He inhaled deeply, gathering some courage.

“She was acting all irritated and weird, so I confronted her about it. She knows something is going on, but not what. She was very close to having the right idea, though.” He sent Sasuke a lopsided smile. “She thought I might have a secret lover.”

Sasuke leaned back in his chair, the food seemingly forgotten. His face was a blank mask, but Naruto noticed the hint of thoughtfulness and concern in his eyes as he digested the information. 

“And?” he asked when Naruto didn’t continue.

“And, nothing. She gave me a piece of her mind about lying to her, but she was mostly just worried about me, you know. I told her not to, that I was fine, and we sort of left it at that.”

Naruto could see that Sasuke relaxed, which made the next part even harder to say. He fixed his gaze at Sasuke, steel in his eyes to show that he was being serious, as he said:

“I want to tell her, Sasuke.”

Sasuke bristled like a cat, his muscles tensing and his eyes twitching as they widened slightly. Naruto kept talking, not allowing for any interruptions.

“She deserves to know. She has always been there for us and I don’t think this will be any different. She might be shocked and hurt, but she will support us in this, as well. I am sure of it.” 

He _was_ sure of it. Sakura wouldn’t betray them, even though they had betrayed her in the worst possible way. He knew she’d probably need a lot of time to work through her emotions and heal, but she was strong and she would get through it. Maybe she would cut him off and never speak to him again, but she wasn’t vindictive and in the end, he knew she cared for both of them too much to sell them out. She would be there for them in this as an ally, even if their friendship would be over.

Sasuke did, however, not seem convinced. “It’s not worth the risk, Naruto.”

“But it is! I can’t lie to her about this anymore.”

“And what if you’re wrong, if she tells someone?” Sasuke’s eyes were sharp as blades, but it did not intimidate Naruto in the slightest.

“She won’t!” 

“What if she slips up?”

“She _won’t_ !” Naruto was getting frustrated, but Sasuke remained undeterred.  
  
“How do you know that?”

“Because _I trust her_!”

At the last words, Naruto balled his hands into fists and hit them on the table with a force that made his glass of milk topple over. The white liquid spread over the tabletop, running over the edge and started to pool on the floor. Naruto watched it happen with unseeing eyes, surprised at his own outburst. He glanced up at Sasuke, who seemed unfazed by it, but he had crossed his arms over his chest, and his eyes had glossed over with something that looked similar to guilt.

“You trust too easily, Naruto”, he said softly, and Naruto wasn’t so stupid that he didn’t catch the double meaning of that statement.

He sighed and leaned back in his own chair. 

“And you doubt too easily”, he responded.

Sasuke made no sign of reacting to that. Instead, he kept watching Naruto with wary eyes, mulling everything over. 

“This is important to you.”

It wasn’t a question.

“Yes. Yes, it is.”

Sasuke sighed and a hint of irritation crossed his face, but then he relaxed. When he looked at Naruto again there was a tired, almost pleading look in his dark eyes.

“Remember the first time I came here?”

“Uh. Yes? Of course.”  
  
“I made you a promise, then.”  
  
Naruto straightened up, alert at the mention of that promise.

“Yeah?”

“It was very important to you that I keep it, and I will, but now I want you to promise me something in return; _don’t tell anyone about us_.”

Naruto opened his mouth to protest, but something in the way that Sasuke was watching him, made him close it again. Sasuke had made a promise for his sake, a promise that went against Sasuke’s greatest wish; to be free and unrestrained. A promise that would put him under the mercy of all the hidden villages if he was discovered here, in the center of Konoha. 

Naruto was sure his trust in Sakura wasn’t misplaced, but putting himself in Sasuke’s position he could understand that the idea of including her in their secret was everything but appealing. He slumped back into his chair again, defeated.

“Okay”, he said weakly and met Sasuke’s cautious gaze, trying to instill calm and security. “I promise.”

Sasuke didn’t seem to dwell on the topic during the rest of his stay, or the next time he came to visit. Naruto wasn’t entirely sure if that was because he just pushed his worries away when they were together, or because he actually trusted in Naruto’s promise so completely that he, in fact, didn’t worry about it. Either way, neither of them brought it up again.

Having made that promise to Sasuke somehow made it easier for Naruto to keep the secret. Sakura knew something was going on, but she didn’t pressure him and seemed to have accepted that she wouldn’t be invited into this particular part of his life. He even told her that he was about to have ‘a few days at home’ before Sasuke’s next visit and she respected his privacy enough to leave him alone during them. Just knowing he was okay appeared to have quelled her worry, and they kept hanging out as usual, without it getting in between them.

Apart from his bad conscience, Naruto spent his days feeling quite alright, when he didn’t suffer from being apart from Sasuke for weeks at a time. It had almost been a year, and as amazing as it was being together, it was also suffocating to have to live this way.

He longed for their times together so much that it _hurt_. They had finally found comfort in each other that worked for them; routine, safety amongst the uncertainty and secrecy, but it wasn’t enough. Naruto had started thinking about the future in a way he hadn’t before. Was this all their life together would ever be? Him going through the motions in Konoha, with friends around him, sure, but still somehow lonely - and Sasuke out there doing whatever he did and just dropping in whenever he felt like it? All in _secret_? As if their relationship was something disgraceful?

Naruto was nearing the edge of what he could take, and he soon decided that he would have to do _something_. He had already asked Sasuke to talk to Kakashi-sensei several times, but Sasuke always refused. Naruto had to change his mind - he just wasn’t sure how.

The following weeks he wrought his mind over the matter, trying to figure out exactly what to say when Sasuke dropped by next. The only problem was that he still had no idea when that would be. 

Kurama nudged at him; he did that sometimes when Naruto had a hard time falling asleep. Naruto shifted sides and pulled the cover up a little higher as he answered and listened to the fox’s words. The deep voice was friendly and soothing, and Kurama’s warm presence lulled him to sleep a lot faster than what he had been able to without it. Thankful and a lot calmer, he finally fell asleep.

He startled awake, breath caught in his throat, and almost crying out in alarm only to feel a hand close over his mouth and the smell of autumn rain filling his nostrils. 

_Sasuke_.

Naruto stared wide-eyed into the darkness, feeling the damp fabric of Sasuke’s clothes brush against his skin as Sasuke removed his hand and placed his lips over his mouth instead. His face was wet and his hair even wetter, leaving trickles of water where it brushed against Naruto’s face. It sent shivers down his spine, but the good kind - the kind that made his limbs start to tremble and his heartbeat speed up. 

The kiss was deep and there was a heat in it that completely overshadowed the cold of the water that ran down his cheeks. The shuddering sound that left his lips almost took him by surprise; it wasn’t as if this was the first time they had kissed on his bed, but something in the way Sasuke held him - something in the _way_ he kissed him - was… _different_. 

In the small gaps between the kisses, he could hear Sasuke whisper his name, and each time it made his breath quicken, made him grab onto Sasuke’s clothes with a little more eagerness, made him fill up with an unfamiliar sensation that almost made his head spin.

He hadn’t even known Sasuke was going to show up. In fact; he had been sure he _wouldn’t_ show up today, of all days. After all, he hadn’t visited for his _own_ birthday, so Naruto hadn’t expected him to show up for _his_ , either. Sasuke had never seemed to care much about that sort of thing. But here he was. Wet and cold, but still so warm and… 

A hand found its way under the covers and Naruto whimpered into Sasuke’s mouth when cold fingers brushed against his ribs on its way down to his waist. He only wore a pair of pajama pants and when Sasuke’s fingers stayed to rest right above the waistband Naruto almost stopped breathing. There was a threshold they had yet to pass and Sasuke’s hand stopped short just right before it did, and lingered there, not moving further, but not settling, either.

Naruto leaned back into his pillow, trying to find his voice as he stared blindly into the dark. He felt Sasuke’s breath on his face, one hand caressing his cheek and the other brushing against the waistband, almost like a question.

_Holy shit._

Naruto couldn’t find his voice - apparently, he had misplaced it somewhere - and even if he had been able to speak he didn’t know what to say. He reached up with a shaky hand and brushed some of the wet hair away from Sasuke’s face, realising that _he_ was trembling just as much, his breath irregular and his shoulders tense. Clearly Sasuke was as just nervous as Naruto himself. Somehow, knowing that reassured him and made the decision even easier to make.

Since he was unable to talk Naruto pulled Sasuke closer instead, kissing him as his unstable hands started fumbling with the clasp on Sasuke’s cloak. Sasuke leaned into the kiss with renewed fervour and reached up with one hand to open the clasp with a practiced snap of his fingers. Naruto threw the cloak on the floor in one big swoop.

His hands were shaking so bad he even had trouble with getting a hold of the zipper on Sasuke’s shirt, but Sasuke was more than willing to help out with that as well. This theme repeated itself until they were both under the covers, warm against cold, trembling hands over shivering skin, nervously exploring areas that earlier had been off-limits. 

All the months of fantasizing about this moment turned out to have been worth it and so, _so_ much better than Naruto had ever imagined. It was awkward at times, but that only made him break out in nervous little fits of laughter and Sasuke to blush violently before they breathlessly were back in the moment. The desire increased steadily between them, whipping up a storm in Naruto’s chest, making his head spin with a desperate mix of _too much of everything_ and at the same time _not enough fast enough_ combined with the sheer need to _hold onto Sasuke_ or else he’d _fall_. 

The feeling of skin against skin, the sounds that left Sasuke’s lips, and the twisting whirlwind of emotions was almost overwhelming. No, it _was_ overwhelming, and Naruto sometimes felt like he wouldn’t be able to bear another second of it, but at the same time, he only wanted more. He wanted it to never end. He wanted Sasuke this close, this unrestrained, this accessible _always_ \- without any obstacles between them.

At the moment his mind went blank with ecstasy he also experienced a clarity like never before. Panting, completely out of breath, he clung to Sasuke, pressed his face against his neck, and breathed into his skin the words he never had the courage to speak out loud before:

“I love you. Sasuke - I love you _so much_.”

The only response he got was Sasuke’s arms tightening around him and an unintelligible, muffled noise that sounded like a mix of laughter and a sob - but it was enough. It was _everything_. It was _Sasuke_.

Afterward, when he was almost dozing off in Sasuke’s arms with a hand in his (now just slightly damp) hair, a thought came to him that made him chuckle. Sasuke stirred and hummed - apparently he had fallen asleep for a moment, but been woken up by the sound. Naruto looked at him, a wicked smile spreading across his face.

“Were you seriously just waiting for me to turn eighteen?” he purred and felt another rush of mirth as Sasuke winced noticeably, suddenly fully awake.

He clearly tried his best to play it off as nothing, though, shrugging slightly and closing his eyes again as if he wanted to go back to sleep. Not that Naruto would let him.

“You did? Oh, Sasuke...” He drew out the last syllable of the name. “I had no idea you were such _a law-abiding person_. I mean, history sort of proves otherwise.”

“Tch.”  
  
Naruto’s eyes widened. 

“Shit, I haven’t heard you make that sound since you were, like, _twelve_.”

“That’s because you’re just as annoying right now as you were back then.”

Naruto laughed and brushed a strand of dark hair away from Sasuke’s face so that he could look him in the eye - both of them; mismatched, annoyed and absolutely wonderful. Sasuke met his gaze in silence, clearly a little embarrassed.

“It was worth the wait. _You_ have been worth the wait.”

Naruto wasn’t only talking about the last year and he could see in Sasuke’s eyes that he understood that. He grabbed one of Naruto’s hands and laced their fingers together, still holding eye contact and almost looking as if he wanted to speak. Naruto waited with bated breath, but after a while, Sasuke simply exhaled, furrowed his brow slightly, and pulled Naruto in tighter to his body.

Naruto smiled into Sasuke’s chest, held him close, and ran his fingertips over the fine scars that trailed across the pale skin; from his shoulder to the back of his neck and then he started running his nails slowly over Sasuke back. The last Uchiha shuddered at the touch, relaxed and within a few minutes, he was asleep in Naruto’s arms.

He had never had a better birthday in his entire life, and he was pretty sure nothing would ever top this. Still smiling, he drifted off to sleep.

He awoke with a start again, but this time it wasn’t because someone was in his apartment - but because someone _wasn’t_. Naruto turned around, only to find the bed empty. He stilled, listening intently, trying to hear if there were any sound of movement in the apartment - but all he got was silence. He scowled, fear seeping into his veins as he threw his legs over the edge of the bed. Sasuke had never just left in the middle of the night before. 

Naruto reached out to the nearest lamp and turned on the light, and that was when he spotted the small scroll on the bedside table. He stared at it for a while, unable to move. If Sasuke had just gone out for a quick errand (or something, whatever that would be) he wouldn’t have left an entire scroll. Hell, over the past year Naruto had never gotten anything written from Sasuke on a piece of paper bigger than an exploding tag.

He picked up the scroll and tried to calm himself before opening it. It was probably fine. What was he even afraid of? There was no reason to get this worked up about Sasuke… disappearing… without warning.

Naruto shook his head, clenched his jaw, and opened the scroll. There was a lot of text, written in Sasuke’s elegant, but clearly rushed hand. He read it quickly, hurrying through the words, almost as if he didn’t want to see them - as if he didn’t want to understand, didn’t want to accept what it said.

At the end the scroll was crinkled and almost torn between his fingers, splotches of dark ink bleeding out into the paper where it had suddenly become wet. The scroll tumbled to the floor and Naruto leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees and burying his face in his hands. He couldn’t hold back the muffled cry that escaped him as all the sadness, anger, and disappointment overwhelmed him.

Sasuke’s first, _real_ letter for him - and it was a break-up note.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry, don't hate me ;_;
> 
> How do you like these types of turns of events? I mean, I guess you knew something would happen since they're not together in the present, but still :)


	6. Signs and support

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to take this moment to thank my beta Scoprions_Admirer here on Ao3 for helping me push myself and improve my writing during this journey <3
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter!

The cool air cleared his head, as expected. The small village was so dark that every star in the night sky was visible, shining bright and giving him something calming to look at while he tried to get his thoughts in order. It felt surreal. He hadn’t seen Sasuke in almost a year and now…

Naruto sat up with a sigh, removing his back from the roof on which he had been lying down. He turned his gaze to the small piece of paper in his hand. The handwriting was painfully familiar. The hawk har surprised him the moment he had gone outside and he had yet to make a decision on how he felt about it.

The number of times he had stared at _that scroll_ , tried to notice any type of hidden message or code, and found _nothing_. Well, on this note the code was clear as day.

Sasuke had tried teaching him how to decipher the hints he put in the messages he sent before showing up in Naruto’s apartment, and in the end, Naruto usually got it right, but only because Sasuke had simplified it. 

The memory of both of them sitting at his kitchen table and Sasuke carefully describing how to interpret the code to him almost made his throat close up. Sasuke had been calm, then, explaining how it worked with a level of patience Naruto had never seen him show before. The first few times Naruto had been way too distracted by how close Sasuke was and always ended up touching his hands, kissing his face or neck, and nip at his ear. Sasuke had become increasingly more flustered until he either blew a fuse and gave Naruto a scolding about his lack of concentration or gave in and returned the kisses in kind. Even when Sasuke became angry and went off on him it usually ended in a fierce make-out session, so Naruto felt like he had won either way.

In time Sasuke had presented the new, easier way of deciphering the letters and Naruto learned that one rather quick - especially since he realised that if he did they’d get more time for other activities.

Naruto sighed and looked up at the sky, trying to suppress the memory. Thinking about that only made this harder.

He glanced back at the note. The book that the code was based on was still lying on the bedside table back in Konoha, but ironically enough Naruto had spent more time reading it in the past year than he ever did during the time Sasuke actually visited him. He had it memorized in full by now, but of course, Sasuke wouldn’t know that. The code on the note was ridiculously easy to figure out, especially since it was based on one of the only two poems Naruto ever managed to reiterate when Sasuke had pressed him about it. 

The first word of every sentence formed the date, the last words of every sentence formed the time and since they weren’t in Konoha Sasuke had added in more hints that Naruto figured formed coordinates. They had never used that before, but since he knew the poem on the note by heart he easily recognised the faults in it and connected it to the only other poem he had memorized back then. 

He knew where to go, and when. The question was if he wanted to let Sasuke distract him from this mission even more than he already had.

* * *

When Sakura knocked on Naruto’s door she hadn't been prepared for what she was going to find inside. After having knocked three times, pausing in between to wait for a response, she lost her patience and started checking the windows. The apartment was dark and it was very hard to discern anything when the sunlight hit the glass. 

She hadn’t seen him for a couple of days - since his birthday - but that in itself was no cause for concern. They had been scheduled to show up at the assignment desk today - which Naruto hadn’t. The new assignment clerk, Yotsume, had seemed disappointed but had admitted that she didn’t really have anything ‘on their level’, anyway, and that they could just come back tomorrow. 

Sai went home and Sakura went to check on Naruto. She was getting both annoyed and worried at the same time. Naruto had never arrived late to a mission assignment before, he was always eager to get going. She rapped her knuckles against the glass on the window she knew was located closest to his bed and then pressed her ear against the glass to try and hear any movement. 

She _did_ hear some shuffling. Okay, so he was home. Maybe he had only overslept - it did seem like the most probable reason, although even that would be unlikely. 

Sakura made her way back to the door of the apartment and knocked again, even harder this time. She could hear movement inside even without trying to listen for it now, and that made her relax a little. Until the door opened. 

She inhaled sharply at the visage that was Uzumaki Naruto. He was usually such a shining light, all bright smiles, embarrassed laughter, mischief in his eyes - or all determination, a force to respect, and if you were his enemy; to fear.

This was not him. 

This slumped, hollow-eyed _wreck_ could not be him. It was a shadow, a frail copy of the boy she had grown up with and knew. Sakura had never seen him like this before. 

“Naruto”, she breathed out. “What in the world…”

He just looked at her with a blank expression on his face. His eyes were swollen and his lips so dry they were chapped. He looked broken. Sakura trailed off and just stared at him. Whatever had happened had really done a number on him. She realised that the last thing he needed was to be questioned about it right now. So instead of pressuring him further she took a small step forward and pulled him into a light embrace. 

For a moment he just stood there and allowed himself to be held, but then Sakura patted his back and whispered:

“I’m here.”

Before she could react he grabbed her, hugging her back desperately. He burrowed his face into her neck, slumped over since she was shorter than him, and she moved to stroke his hair. She didn’t even think about it; it just happened. She just knew that he needed more than a simple hug and some soothing words - he was beyond that. Sakura held him in silence until she heard a dry sob; a sound she knew well. She had heard it many times at the hospital; patients or their relatives sometimes made that sound when they had cried until they were out of tears. Most of the time she could comfort them with good news - she rarely lost a patient - but right now she had no idea what to say except to ask what was wrong.

She never got the chance to, though. Naruto spoke before her, his voice hoarse and choked up:

“He left me.”

A spark of understanding went off in Sakura’s head. She didn’t have to ask who he meant. 

* * *

Naruto held on to Sakura for dear life. He felt the way she stiffened at his words and then started to shiver in his arms. 

_She understands_ , he thought. _She knows._

He held her even tighter, even though a part of him told him that he didn’t deserve to be close to her at all. That he didn’t deserve to even speak to her, look at her, but… 

Naruto feared that if he let go, he would lose her. If he let go, she would leave and never come back. He would lose her - and be truly alone.

Sure, there were other people, people who might forgive him for hurting Sakura and - perhaps in some eyes - having betrayed Konoha, if they’d ever got to know the truth. He had precious people who might stay and be a part of his life regardless, but… 

Without Sasuke and Sakura, he’d still be alone. 

Naruto closed his eyes and pressed his face even harder against her neck. He couldn’t let go, he couldn’t look at her, he _couldn’t lose her, too_. The thought started to ring louder with every beat of his heart.

_I’m losing her._ ** _I’m losing her._** **_I’M LOSING HER!_**

Sakura was stiff and motionless in his arms and his breath started coming out in irregular little puffs of air as his fears grew. She hadn’t tried to push him away, hit him or yell at him, but that only incited more fear in him; he had _ruined_ her with those three words that apparently had been enough to make her understand. 

It was as if Naruto’s mind started to blank out as if he no longer could feel his own body; all he felt was her, rigid and trembling against him. She felt frail in his arms, and he was not used to seeing her like that anymore. She had proved that she was everything but - and still, those few words had been her ruin. The thought came back again, even stronger this time; _he had ruined her_. 

He felt her hand twitch, and then move slightly. She hadn’t let him go, she had just frozen in place, but now the hand at his neck was stroking his hair slowly again. She was still trembling, but she didn’t stop and soon her hand seemed less shaky and she even moved the arm around his back to hold him tighter, to press him closer to her. 

Naruto felt as if he was barely breathing - and then the tears came. A wave of emotion welled up inside of him as his fears gave way for surprise and relief, as well as the painful sadness he had tried to handle for the last few days. 

Sakura gave his neck one last stroke and then she nudged him backward. Naruto unwillingly started to take small steps away but went more easily when he realised that she followed, one arm still around him as she reached out to close the door behind them. 

“There”, she said in a small voice, then cleared her throat and spoke with more assertiveness: “Easier to talk without the risk of eavesdropping.” 

Naruto just looked at her for a while, a few tears trailing down his cheeks, not sure how to react at first. Then he snapped out of it and activated the seals. The seals that Sasuke had put there so that they’d be able to be together without anyone knowing.

_Shit_. 

He looked away from Sakura, still not sure how to respond to her reaction. Whatever he had expected was not this. He realised he hadn’t given her enough credit. He believed her to be strong, but strong enough to just pass over the fact that one of her closest friends and first love had been meeting behind her back… That was something else. 

“Sakura…” he said slowly, and then trailed off, not sure about how to continue, so he looked away and let out a shaky breath.

“It’s okay, Naruto. I… I mean I knew something was up, and that it was something very secret. Of course it occurred to me that it had something to do with Sasuke-kun.”

Naruto dared to look at her again. She clearly noticed the question in his eyes and continued to explain:

“Not at first, but after our talk, when you said you couldn’t tell me anything. I just… If it was something _that_ secret that neither I nor Iruka-sensei knew about then it had to be pretty big. And there was nothing that could be a bigger secret than Sasuke.”

“You talked to Iruka-sensei?” 

She nodded. 

“He knew something was up, he’s not dumb. He asked me about it and I told him I didn’t know either, even though I had my suspicions by then. About it possibly having something to do with Sasuke.” She looked away, her gaze going a little blank as it lingered somewhere over Naruto’s shoulder. “I thought you might be in contact with each other, but… your reaction just now, and the way you said... “ She shook her head and seemed to steel herself. “Am I crazy to think you actually had a secret lover?”

Sakura met his gaze, her eyes calm and direct despite the hurt that she clearly tried to conceal.

Naruto had carried the secret for over a year, and after making that promise to Sasuke he thought he’d never be in this position, but the letter he had gotten had contained more than just a farewell, and he nodded slowly to confirm her theory. 

She drew a shaky breath at the revelation. 

“Okay.”

Her voice was even smaller than before, but she still held on to him. Naruto almost folded in on himself as the guilt threatened to make him sick to his stomach. He leaned forward and rested his forehead on her shoulder.

“I am so sorry.”

His voice was nothing more than a whisper. It was in no way enough, such a poor shadow of an apology - but he didn’t know what else to say. He didn’t want to defend himself. There was no way for him to actually do that, anyway, and Sakura deserved better than him trying to justify it. 

“It’s okay, Naruto. I mean it”, she said softly into his ear, her hand stroking the back of his head again. “I _really_ mean it. Who would I be if I was angry with you for being with him if that’s what both of you want? He made it pretty clear he didn’t want me, so…”

Her voice trailed off, and it was apparent that she was sad, but she wasn’t crying. She wasn’t angry. She wasn’t even really upset. Naruto could barely believe it. 

“How are you taking this so well?” he asked, turning his head and glancing up at her face.

She smiled weakly. 

“I don’t know.” She laughed a little, shook her head and continued: “I guess… I know I have no right to be upset. Plus, I have no real reason to, you know? I have no right to him, it’s not like he’s some... _thing_ that we can fight over. And even if we did you’d still win, so...”

She smiled a little wider and nudged his head with her shoulder, making him stand up straight and look her in the eye. She looked serious and sincere and when she spoke Naruto made sure to keep eye contact and really take in every word.

“Listen to me, Naruto. If you and Sasuke are… you know, then _I_ really don’t want to be someone who stands in your way. Don’t let my feelings stop you from being happy. I care about both of you, and to be completely honest? Even if I have loved him _forever -_ ” she rolled her eyes. “ - I somehow feel like I _care_ more about you. Every time you have been in distress it has hurt me immensely. On a different level than what I’ve felt when Sasuke has been in trouble. I think… I think it means that even though I _do_ care about you both and have had romantic feelings for Sasuke - I still _care_ about _you_ more. You’re my _best friend_. My _brother_. I want nothing else than for you to be _happy_. Okay?”

Naruto couldn’t hold back the tears. He had thought he had run out, but apparently tears of sadness and tears of relief came from different pools. Sakura, however, looked taken aback and completely mortified. She stared as tears started streaming down his face again, and clearly she interpreted them as him being sad again because she inhaled sharply and spoke, quickly an apologetically:

“Wait… I’m so sorry, Naruto, I forgot that… You said he _left_ you?”

Her voice went up a few notches at the end and Naruto flinched at the apparent anger. He tried to blink the tears away and almost took a step backward, but she grabbed his arms and held him in place. 

“He _left_ you? Like, _really left you_?”

Naruto nodded. Sakura bristled and swore. The names she called Sasuke made Naruto feel like he had somehow been sucked into a parallel universe. Out of all the reactions he could’ve imagined - this was the one he’d least expect. 

“Sakura-chan!” he breathed, perplexed.

“How could he? Haven’t you been together for like, a _year_ by now? And what, he just decided to _dump you_?”

Naruto backed away, all the other conflicted and painful feelings melting away to leave room for his complete shock at Sakura’s reaction. 

“Well, yeah”, he answered, already scared of the reaction he predicted would follow.

She swore some more - even worse words than before - but soon she tried to calm herself, took a deep breath, and fastened her gaze on Naruto again. 

“Okay. _Okay_. So; how did it happen? What did he say?”

“He… Didn’t say anything.”

“What?”

Naruto scratched the back of his head and braced himself mentally before he spoke again.  
  
“He sort of left a note.”

“He left you… a _note_?” Sakura’s voice was flat, but Naruto could tell that he was in for some more cursing. 

It took several minutes for Sakura to calm down. Naruto even made her tea, even though he sucked at it, and tried his best to soothe her, but she clearly needed to get it all out of her system. Finally, she could sit down by his kitchen table, take a deep breath, and accept the tea, although she accidentally broke the mug when he handed it to her. She helped him clean it up, apologetic, and calm on the outside, but still clearly fuming internally.

When they were seated again, on different sides of the table, both with a mug of tea each and a lot less swearing going on, Sakura asked to see the letter.

Naruto went to get it from where it still rested on his bedside table and put it in front of her. She snapped it up, apparently still irritated, but when she opened the scroll she was very careful. Break-up note or not, she still seemed to respect the meaning it might hold for him. 

She read it in silence while Naruto tried to drink the tea, grimacing at how bitter it was. When she was done, she put it down on the table with a sigh.

“What a load of crap”, she muttered.

Naruto put his mug back onto the table and looked at her intently, brows furrowed.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean he’s writing a _load of_ _crap_. ‘Needs to be on his own to be able to do what he set out to do’? ‘Doesn't see how there’s a future for you together’? ‘Isn’t willing to live this way anymore’?”

Naruto almost teared up again just by hearing those words, and Sakura fell silent, looking at him with compassion in her eyes. She leaned forward over the table and grabbed his hand.

“Look. I’m mostly just pissed he’d treat you like that, leaving a fucking letter instead of talking it through. Sure, this sounds like his usual crap, like something he definitely could pull, but has he ever mentioned any of these concerns before?”

Naruto shook his head. Thinking about it, Sasuke had seemed rather content with their arrangement; the one having a hard time with it had been Naruto himself. 

“Okay. And this ‘promise’ that he’s relieving you of, what is that?”

Naruto bowed his head and chewed on his bottom lip for a while before he answered:

“He made me promise not to tell anyone about us. Not even you.”

“You wanted to tell me?”  
  
Naruto nodded again and glanced at her through strands of blond hair. She looked surprised and her gaze was very soft, almost endearing. 

“Oh, I see”, she said in a faint voice and just looked at him - in wonder.

They fell silent for a short while and Naruto felt a little embarrassed, although he wasn’t sure why. Something in her tone and the way she looked at him just made him blush, without really being able to pinpoint the reason for it. 

Sakura seemed thoughtful for a while but then she smiled faintly and looked back down at the scroll. She reread some parts and her brow furrowed as her eyes scanned the content.

“Naruto… Near the end here; it got wet, right?”

“Er… Yeah.”

Sakura glanced up at him in understanding but returned to the scroll just as quick. 

“Yeah, well… Look at this.”

She turned the scroll so that it faced him and pushed it forward. A slender finger pointed at a certain part of the letter.

“See here? How the ink sort of has blotched, but you can still see the letters?”

Naruto nodded. She hesitated for a bit, but then asked softly:

“Just so I didn’t misunderstand; did you cry on this?”

He bowed his head a little deeper and nodded again. Her fingers brushed over his hand and she sent him an encouraging smile before she continued, clearly keen at explaining whatever it was she had figured out. 

“Okay, and then _here_.” Her finger now lingered over another part, close to the first. “See how this letter is almost all gone?”

“Yeah?”

Sakura leaned back in her chair, caught his gaze, and held it - she almost looked triumphant. 

“That’s not because of _your_ tears, Naruto.”   
  
“What?” He had no idea what she was on about.   
  
“The ink must have been fresh on the paper when it got wet for it to look like this. Where your tears landed it blotched, but just a little, because the ink was already dry, but on these other parts… Well, the ink must have been _just applied_ for it to make these kinds of splotches.”

Naruto stared at her in disbelief. 

“You’re saying Sasuke _cried_ when he wrote this?” he asked flatly.

She bit her lip, looked at him, then back to the scroll, and nodded.

“Yes. That’s the only conclusion I can make. Ink is ink. It behaves a certain way. I am sure some of these wet spots are from the moment the words were written.”

Naruto continued to just stare at her. He didn’t know what to think. 

“Are you sure?”  
  
“ _Yes_ , Naruto; I’m sure.”

He tried to subdue the flurry of emotions that rushed through him; a strange mix of sadness and relief, surprise, and distrust. The only times he had seen Sasuke cry had been out of guilt, maybe mixed with confusion. Plus that maybe-sob a few nights earlier, but Naruto would rather not think about that. Or… Had Sasuke known he was going to leave at that moment? Had he planned it? Had that night been a farewell in its entirety? But if so, if he had already made up his mind - why had he written the letter that night and not beforehand? Naruto knew his writing well enough to know that he had rushed it, and knew _Sasuke_ well enough to know that he would never have left a letter with signs of tears on it if he could help it.

All the questions were giving him a headache, and made him so _confused_ \- so he settled for the main one:

“Then _why_? If he was that sad about it… then _why_? Why would he just… leave?”

Sakura slumped in her chair, and it was clear that she was deeply concerned and confused, as well.

“I have no idea.” She bit her lip thoughtfully. “Well, there’s another thing.”  
  
“What?”

She let her eyes wander for a bit as if she was stalling for time to think before she met his gaze again. 

“The promise. He made you promise not to tell anyone about the two of you. Which I can understand, considering the bounties on him in the bingo books and the kill on sight-orders from Iwa, Kiri, and Kumo, but… Why release you of it now?”  
  
Naruto had no idea. Apparently Sakura could see that in his eyes.

“Okay. So.” She leaned forward again, looking rather excited about having connected the dots Naruto couldn’t even see. “He leaves you a shitty note with a bunch of bland excuses, right?”

“Er… Yeah, I guess.”

“And at the same time, he makes it clear that you are free to tell whoever you like about your relationship?”

“Yeah”, Naruto said again, wondering where she was going with this.

“And thus making sure that you wouldn’t have to handle this all alone.”

“What?”

Sakura’s didn’t answer the question, but her eyes shone when she continued her thread of thought:

“And he cried as he wrote the letter.”

Naruto heard that the last part was not intended as a question and he awaited her conclusion with bated breath, still not understanding what she was going on about.

“Naruto - I don’t think Sasuke wanted to break up with you.”

He scowled at her, his heartbeat quickening. That made no sense. Sure, she had noticed things he hadn’t, and when she put them all together like that it _did_ almost seem probable, but...

“If he didn’t want to, then why’d he do it?” 

Sakura slumped back into her chair with a sigh. “I’m not sure.”

Naruto leaned back in his own chair, eyes on the wretched little scroll in front of him. He had been frowning so much that it almost hurt, but he couldn’t stop. He pushed a hand to his forehead for a moment, and then he ran it over his eyes with a sigh.

“No one can make Sasuke do anything he doesn’t want to do, you know”, he said, exasperated. 

He felt sure that no one would have been able to pressure Sasuke into leaving him. Sasuke leaving of his own volition made a lot more sense than that. Sakura shrugged.

“Well, he might be stubborn as all hell, but he isn’t exactly immune to manipulation.”

Naruto stared at her, growing more and more concerned. 

“But that… That might mean he’s in some sort of trouble. Like, that he’s fallen in with some bad people or something.”

“Well”, Sakura said and cocked her head to one side. “Would that really be that surprising?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a sucker for mama bear Sakura. Do you care for their friendship? I really do O.O
> 
> Next week's chapter, people - it's a big one and I can't wait to post it, aaah!


	7. Reunion and disruption

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's still Sunday so I'm not technically posting late >.> Sorry if it feels like it, I've just been lucky enough to be able to post on Fridays so far. I spent this weekend with my family, so this time I couldn't!

As Naruto approached the coordinates he noticed that the trees were thinning out. There were no thick forests in these parts, not like around Konoha, but it was still a forest. The other parts of the landscape were mainly fields and farmland, but at least here there were trees. As he moved forward he realised that there was a clearing ahead. He stopped for a bit, letting his eyes search the area.

_Kurama, do you feel anything?_

The fox snorted in response, and although the disdain was clear, Naruto thought it sounded like an affirmation. Kurama had never really cared about Sasuke and Naruto couldn't blame him.

He sighed and wrought his mind over the situation one more time. He had almost decided not to go; to stay away. If he had it would've been the same as to tell Sasuke to fuck off and not try and contact him again. At least Naruto was pretty sure that Sasuke would interpret it that way.

He scratched the back of his head a little, almost considering turning back. It had been a year. He had been _waiting_ for this. He had been thinking about this moment for endless amounts of time. He had searched for clues about Sasuke on every mission, as discreetly as he could, but had never gotten anywhere. And now, _finally_ , the chance had presented itself - and he was _hesitating_.

Having seen Sasuke again had forced all the pain back to the surface. Naruto carried it with him always, but apart from keeping him up at night and making his thoughts drift during the day, it didn't really affect his everyday life anymore. With Sakura's help, he had healed somehow, so to potentially overturn all of that... well, it was scary.

Then there was the theory that Sasuke hadn't left Naruto of his own volition, and that… It had both helped him and thwarted him. Helped, because perhaps there was still hope for them and Naruto could wait - and _was still waiting_ \- but also because he was lying awake at night trying to figure out what had caused the sudden shift in Sasuke.

Well, now he had his chance to find out.

Naruto straightened his back and stepped forward with feigned confidence. He sauntered through the clearing, scanning the area discreetly. He knew Sasuke was around, but couldn't pinpoint where he was. He stopped beneath a tree that towered over the smaller ones that surrounded the clearing, put his hand in his pockets, and waited.

"You came."

Naruto looked up. On a branch several meters up - there he was, relaxing against the trunk.

He looked a little different, but not much. The clone hadn't been able to get a good look in the darkness of the storage room in the Daimyo's palace, but here Naruto could see Sasuke clearly; the sky was still bright with stars and the moon was coating everything in a soft, silvery hue.

Sasuke's hair was longer and he dressed differently; all black apart from the belt and the scabbard, which were white. The black cloak looked almost new. When Sasuke stepped off the branch and landed silently in front of Naruto it was also clear that he had grown taller, although not as tall as Naruto. That was strange. Sasuke had been slightly taller than him the last time they had been together, but now they seemed to be the same height. He was also slimmer than what he had used to be, and Naruto couldn't help feeling a sting of concern about that.

Sasuke's eyes met his and Naruto made sure not to react in any particular way, hands still in the pockets, face as blank as he could keep it.

"Yeah, I came", he answered, trying to be curt, but it came out way too soft.

Sasuke watched him intently, and then a small, almost invisible frown appeared between his brows.

"You're… taller."

Sasuke's voice was so serious that Naruto couldn't help it; a weak laugh escaped him and without thinking, he reached up and placed a hand on the back of his head, as if he was apologetic.

"Well, yeah, I guess."

"Your hair is different."

"Er… Yeah, I had to colour it for the mission", Naruto answered, slightly hesitant. Where was he going with this?

"It's _short_."

Sasuke's frown had deepened and Naruto raised an eyebrow at him in surprise.

"What? You don't like it?"

"No."

Sasuke's face displayed clear displeasure and Naruto was at a loss for words for a moment, before irritation surfaced and he furrowed his eyebrows at Sasuke.

"Too bad, you're not really in a position to have an opinion about that."

They glared at each other, suddenly tense and on guard. Then Sasuke snorted.

"At least you've finally kicked the orange obsession."

Naruto snorted right back at him and shrugged. "Nah, it's just for the mission, as well. Orange is still my thing." He fired off a wide smile, despite the irritation, sure that he'd be able to tantalise Sasuke right back with that.

The look Sasuke gave him threatened to make Naruto laugh again, but he managed to quell it and straightened up once more, putting the free hand back into his pocket. This hadn't really gone the way Naruto had expected it to. He needed to get to the point, but before he could speak Sasuke cut in:

"At least take that stupid thing off."

"Huh? Oh, right."

Figuring they were far enough away from town for anyone to see them, Naruto yanked the mask down.

"Happy?" he asked, a little sourly.

Sasuke didn't answer - he just looked at him. Naruto felt a little flustered by the gaze and wished he had just kept the damn thing on. Whatever, better to just get to what this whole meeting was about.

"So. What are you doing here? What do you want?"

Sasuke frown melted away and he looked at Naruto without any hint of thoughtfulness or concern anymore.

"I could ask you the same thing."

" _You_ asked me to come…"

"I didn't mean what you're doing _here_ , idiot, I meant in this village, the palace."

Naruto sighed, and tried to suppress the flare of anger that threatened to make him go off in the jerk in front of him.

"Mission", he responded curtly.

"What for?"

"I can't really tell a rogue ninja that, can I?"

They glared at each other again. Naruto felt that they had come to a standstill; neither wanted to tell the other what they were doing there. Someone had to bend a little and Naruto'd be _damned_ if it was him. It had _always_ been him. Except for when Sasuke actually promised to never hurt Konoha again, which, admittedly, was a pretty big thing and at the same time just the _bare fucking minimum_.

Sasuke stared back at Naruto and his face was impossible to read. Then he sighed and shifted his stance.

"I am following a lead about some illegal activity being held in that palace."

Naruto's jaw almost dropped." _You_ are _investigating illegal activity_?"

"Something like that."

"Why?"

"Can't tell."

Naruto couldn't help the question; it slipped out of him before he even thought it through:

"And you're not a part of that illegal activity in any way yourself?"

Sasuke's jaw clenched visibly. "No", he growled, and Naruto almost believed him.

Sasuke had never told Naruto about what he was doing when he was on his own, but whatever it was it seemed to keep him clothed and fed, so he got money from _somewhere somehow_. During their time together Naruto had been too happy about simply being with Sasuke in _any_ way or form to put real pressure on him about it. After Sasuke left him, however, Naruto had spent hours upon hours dwelling on it, and his concern had only grown.

His old, blind trust in Sasuke had diminished over the past year, and he wasn't sure if it was because of the way Sasuke had left him or simply the fact that Naruto himself had gotten older and more jaded with time. Either way; he was suspicious.

Sasuke seemed to notice and he remained tense and on guard. The question had apparently thrown him a little. Naruto sighed and removed his hands from the pockets, placing them on his hips instead as he bowed his head and shook it. His mind had drifted into dangerous territory; thoughts of _back then_ , and what it had been like and how he had acted - how he hadn't bothered enough when it came to Sasuke's secrets. How broken he had felt when he had found that scroll. The dread he had been forced to live with for the past eleven months because of Sasuke.

"You know - I have been thinking _a lot_ about what I'd say when I saw you again but now that you're here…" He drew a shivering breath. "I have kind of forgotten all of it. It was quite the monologue, though, I was supposed to tell you about what I'd do to get you back, and ask all the right questions about what happened and then try and make you come back to Konoha - to _me_. Now… Now I don't even know if I want that anymore."

Naruto smiled weakly. After all this time that still seemed to be his go-to when it came to trying to reach Sasuke. Naruto was, however, still facing the ground and he probably couldn't see it. He said nothing, and Naruto couldn't help it; his mind had slipped off of the mission and the words came flowing without him having any control over them. He just closed his eyes hard and let it happen.

"I just… I… _Fuck_ , you really treated me like shit, Sasuke. Why'd you do that? How could you just _leave_ without even giving us a fair chance to work things out? Without even _talking_ to me?" Naruto grabbed the fabric at the front of his haori, and gripped it tight as if he needed something to hold on to - and maybe he did. "It's been a _year_ and you never even let me know if you were _alive_ , do you understand what that _did_ to me? What _you did to me_? Do you even _fucking care_?"

His voice raised near the end and he snapped his head back up and met Sasuke's eyes, slightly out of breath. The cold stare that met him made him flinch. Naruto's heartbeat sped up and the blood in his veins suddenly felt like ice.

_So that's how it is._

After everything, Sasuke still chose to be _that_ way. Naruto felt sparks go off in his head, and not the type he had experienced when they were together. No, this reminded him more of the angry frustration he had felt for Sasuke when they were kids; only amplified, like, at least a thousand times.

"You know what?", Naruto said, voice low and determined. " _Fuck you_."

He turned to walk away and despite the suffocating anger and anguish, he felt… lighter. As if he had unloaded a burden he had been carrying for far too long.

Then Sasuke was in his path and Naruto stopped, but didn't back down. They stared at each other for a short while and then Sasuke spoke, voice low and insistent:

"Naruto..."

"No." Naruto rounded him and kept walking towards the trees as Sasuke reached out, attempting to grab the sleeve of his haori, but Naruto quickly slipped away from his grasp.

"Wait, Naruto", Sasuke urged.

"No. I am _done_."

Naruto kept walking, but Sasuke was apparently not going to just let him leave. He turned to make another attempt at grabbing him, but Naruto blocked him, almost _striking_ Sasuke's hand away with his forearm. His mind went blank as the anger took him over; searing white rage making his facial features distort and his muscles burn. Without thinking Naruto curled his other hand into a fist and aimed a punch at Sasuke's face.

Sasuke's movement was smooth as silk. He ducked his head under Naruto's arm and at the same time he grabbed it, turned, slid over the ground and stopped right behind Naruto, twisting the arm behind his back.

"Naruto…" Sasuke growled into his ear. "Stop and think for a damn moment. "

Naruto gritted his teeth so hard he could feel his muscles tense all the way from his jaw down to his collar bone and out into his shoulders.

"I have thought about this long enough."

Then he flew into action; grabbing the hand Sasuke held behind his back with his free one and pushing downwards, making Sasuke lose his grip. As soon as Naruto felt that Sasuke didn't have the advantage anymore he let go, and brought his free arm up with force. Naruto's elbow hit the side of Sasuke's head; he stumbled and let go of Naruto, who was already on the move again. He spun around, reached out and grabbed Sasuke's cloak and shirt with both hands, jerked him close - and then lifted him off his feet.

"I don't even know why the fuck I came here. You're _unbelievable_. I'm _not_ doing this; I'm _not_ letting you get away with your crap and I'm _not_ just forgiving you over and over again - not anymore." He pulled Sasuke in closer, meeting the Uchiha's cold gaze with all the fire of his own. "And stay out of the palace. I will not let you interfere with the mission." _Or me_. "Just stay away, all together - you're good at that."

Naruto dropped him, turned and started walking away again. Sasuke didn't move this time and Naruto had almost reached the treeline, when...

"I have intel."

Naruto stopped in his tracks. He could _hear_ his own heartbeat - it was that loud. He was still angry; the rage surging through his body like a strong current - but if Sasuke had been investigating this for a while, for whatever reason… He might actually know things that could help them. However; Naruto figured that he, Sakura and Sai would be fine on their own.

He started walking again.

"This is bigger than you think, Naruto."

Naruto kept walking.

"Don't walk blindly into this."

Naruto quickened his pace. He heard an irritated sigh behind him, and then:

"Naruto - _please_."

He stopped. For a moment Naruto's mind raced. Sasuke would not use that word if it wasn't important. What in the world could make Sasuke that concerned?

Naruto looked over his shoulder, back at the person who had once held his heart and soul. Who still did, actually; the only difference was that Naruto didn't allow it to consume him anymore - and that changed everything.

"Alright", he said slowly. "But whatever intel you have; you will tell the whole team."

Sasuke flinched. "No."

Naruto turned to face him. The distance between them right now was rather far, and he raised his voice when he spoke:

"You will share your intel with Sakura and Sai. I'm not going to keep it to myself or bring it to them, only to lie to their faces about how I got it. I'm done lying because of you."

The uncertainty was clear in Sasuke's face. Naruto pressed on:

"If you want me to listen to you the requirement is that you also allow Sakura and Sai to do the same."

Sasuke stared at him blankly. Then he closed his eyes and scowled.

"I understand."

* * *

Kurama stirred from his sleep by the distress that swept through Naruto's body and mind, a whirl of emotion and confusion hitting him square in the face.

 _For fuck's sake_.

He was still not used to the lack of barriers between them. Kurama had lived within Naruto for seventeen years, but this was still new - since the seal had been broken Naruto's feelings took precedence over everything else if he was at all upset, and Kurama hadn't learned to handle it yet.

Kurama had never felt _this_ level of emotional distress from Naruto before, though, except for maybe when… _Hm_.

He opened an eye and peered through Naruto's eyes. The _Uchiha_ , huh. Kurama snorted. He knew they weren't enemies anymore, but he did not condone their new type of relationship. If Naruto got this agitated over some sort of lover's spat - he was on his own.

Kurama curled up to go back to sleep, but he heard Naruto's voice ring through his mind space before he drifted off.

"You just don't understand!"

And no; he didn't. He did _not_ understand why Naruto would keep that _psychopath_ around.

Kurama kept an eye on Naruto after that. The level of distress that the Uchiha had caused him wasn't reasonable, and that was... strange. Out of all the shit that Naruto had been through; could this skew-eyed, manipulating _little shit_ really be this big of a deal?

Apparently, he could. Naruto was hurting, there was no way to deny it. Or avoid it, in Kurama's case. He kept being woken up by surges of distress, and he found himself looking through Naruto's eyes more often than not.

Naruto had quit his jounin-lessons on a whim, it seemed, and it irked Kurama that he wouldn't pick them up again. This was not the deal. Or rather; this was not the Naruto he knew.

"Hey, kid."

"Yeah, what's up?"

"How come you don't see your sensei like you used to?"

Kurama felt the hesitation as it lowered itself over him like a fog, thick and filled with guilt.

"You mean the lessons? I… I just don't feel like it anymore."

"Don't lie to me, brat", Kurama growled - he could sense Naruto's feelings, it was futile of him to even try to deceive him.

"I'm not lying, okay? Don't hassle me about that. It's my choice, you know."

"And why did you choose that, I wonder?"

Kurama didn't wait for a response before he closed his eyes and fell asleep again. He didn't have to.

He watched in silence as Naruto battled his bad conscience about the pink-haired girl. He peered through Naruto's eyes as he tried to handle his closest sensei's disappointment. When he finally met up with his _other_ sensei and had to attempt to defend his choices again, Kurama was on high alert - this man might be the one who could talk some sense into the kid.

"Naruto." The voice was calm, but with a clear hint of concern and disapproval.

"Yes, Kakashi-sensei."

The former Sharingan-wielding ninja sighed. "What is this I hear about you not wanting to have lessons with Iruka-sensei anymore?"

Kurama could clearly feel the emotional response the question urged forward in his young host, and he was not surprised. He couldn't help but hope that the Hokage could talk Naruto out of his idiocy.

He was, however, disappointed. As Naruto left the Hokage tower, Kurama could feel Naruto's heartbeat as it pounded loudly over his head. _Damn_. Not even the copy ninja had been able to snap Naruto out of this annoying mental state.

Kurama growled internally. This was not right. Naruto was supposed to be able to live happily now. He was supposed to work towards his goal to become Hokage. After all these years it was pretty much a promise, and when he _did_ get the title; he'd be even more capable of protecting Kurama's siblings and the other jinchuuriki. Not only from a military standpoint, but from a diplomatic one, as well.

Kurama curled up, his tails covering him as he tried to get comfortable and _think_. He couldn't nap through life anymore, not when he knew that his jinchuuriki was wasting his time on these ridiculous notions of _love_. Love of someone who seemed to be unable to even _care_ about other people. Sure, when the Uchiha showed up there were _acts_ of affection, but Kurama could not think him able to actually _feel_ anything. The horrid clan heir had never done anything but hurt and destroy before, why would this be different?

Sure, Naruto had reached Kurama and made him rethink things, but this kid was different from him. He was, after all, an _Uchiha_. In addition, he was someone who had threatened the lives of Kurama and the other bijuu - something he actually would have been able to do. Someone like that could _never_ be trusted.

And Naruto… He knew nothing of love, either, Kurama thought. Shit, sometimes Kurama even wondered if he could differentiate between the love for the damn Uchiha or a bowl of ramen - the only difference being that the ramen didn't _confuse_ him as much.

One of Kurama's tails whipped through the air. He couldn't seem to calm it down. It was as if it was the one exception to his emotional control. Kurama didn't like to think that he _cared_ about the brat but in the end, well - he guessed he _did_. Not that he'd ever admit it to anyone else.

Over time Kurama became rather good at protecting his space from Naruto's emotional outbursts. He started to be able to sleep properly, no matter what was going on in Naruto's head. Even the really strong feelings barely reached him if he was asleep and had put his wards up, and he no longer had to be on edge about the possibility to be startled awake by some sudden surge of emotion. Naruto could still wake him up if he wanted to; the next step to work on would be to be able to also shut out that annoying _voice_ , and then Kurama would never have to be disturbed again. At least that was what he told Naruto that he was working on when the kid dropped in. Naruto only smiled and called him "grumpy old fox" and Kurama rolled his eyes.

Naruto continued to be in pain, though. Even if it didn't affect Kurama as much anymore, he could still feel it, although not as overwhelmingly strong. Naruto remained caught between affection and guilt in a hurricane of emotion that made no sense whatsoever to Kurama. He just knew it _hurt_ , and if something hurt you - you should just _get rid of it_.

Naruto was obviously not going to get rid of the cause of his pain.

Kurama decided that he'd have to do it for him.

Sure, Naruto would be even more hurt in the process, but it would be temporary - he'd be able to move past it. Without the emotional distress and distracting visits, he'd be able to focus his time on more important things again.

Kurama knew that the seal didn't technically keep him locked up anymore, but he did have to think it through before deciding on his course of action. Parts of it felt like… bordering on a violation. It was definitely a violation of Naruto's trust in him.

Kurama was sure that something had to be done, though, and in the end, he managed to rectify the plan for himself. He had to do _something_ and the broody little devil seemed to be easy enough to influence; less powerful beings than Kurama had succeeded at that.

Suspecting that the Uchiha would show up somewhere around Naruto's birthday, he waited. As Naruto was about to fall asleep that evening, Kurama nudged him slightly.

"Hey, kid."

"Hmm? Yeah?"

"... Happy birthday."

Kurama drifted off in the warm buzz of Naruto's contentment, satisfied that he could soothe Naruto if only a little.

When he woke up again, something felt different. Kurama blinked and tried to get his bearings, lowering the ward around his space and trying to pinpoint what it was that had changed. _Oh_. Naruto was _happy_. The amount of calm and bliss that filled his former prison could only mean one thing; the Uchiha was back. It was time to act.

Kurama pressed through the thin veil that was Naruto's consciousness and stirred in a body unfamiliar to him, all the while making sure not to wake Naruto up. Shukaku had apparently been able to do this, so Kurama - as the _strongest_ \- shouldn't have any problems whatsoever.

As he squirmed and tried to gain control of the limbs that were his but-not-really he felt something constraining him. An arm, holding him in place, a soft breath tickling his eyelashes.

 _What the fuck_?

Kurama opened his eyes and stared right into the Uchiha's face. He bristled and tried not to notice the lack of fur that should be on end at his back. Instead, he pulled the legs in under him, crouched up into a sort of sitting position, and shook the unwelcomed arm off him.

He stilled for a moment in his crouched position as his senses adjusted to the body he was in, and suddenly he wasn't as surprised at Naruto's current state of joy. He suppressed a growl - if he was uncomfortable before, it was nothing compared to now.

Kurama shook his head a bit, trying to shake the notion, and then he reached out to force the cursed eye-child awake.

* * *

Sasuke awoke with a start.

"Naruto? What…?"

Something was not right. The last remnants of sleep left him immediately and Sasuke flinched away from the foreign touch of the only person he thought he trusted and stared at Naruto. When he saw Naruto's eyes he jerked backward, hitting the wall behind him hard.

Naruto was not Naruto.

Sasuke's heart raced in his chest as he stared into the red eyes of the most powerful being in existence. A being he once had tried to kill, nonetheless.

"Uchiha."

The voice that emerged sounded nothing like Naruto's, even though it was his lips that moved.

Sasuke was barely breathing, but he kept his gaze firmly locked onto the eyes in front of him. The ninetails drew in close, their faces merely a few centimeters apart. The slitted pupils seemed to search for something. Sasuke remained quiet. Despite the initial surprise, he was not afraid of the tailed beast that lived in his partner. If he had to, he could handle it. But… Was the ninetails a part of Konoha, now? If it was, then the promise he had given Naruto also included the demon.

Apart from that; what would it mean to fight the bijuu in this form? The beast had Naruto as his hostage at this moment and Sasuke would not risk harming Naruto.

" _Uchiha_ ", it growled again, and Sasuke calmed his nerves.

"Kitsune."

The fox sneered. Sasuke did not like that look on Naruto's face. He tried to ignore it; this was not Naruto. Sure, it was his face and body that leaned up against Sasuke's; but it _was not him._

"Just who do you think you _are_ , doing what you're doing to Naruto?"

Sasuke tried to remain calm as his heart raced. "What do you mean?"

"Do you really know _nothing_?"

The fox's voice was serious and at the same time a little mocking. Sasuke pressed his back harder against the wall behind him, trying to keep his composure neutral in the eyes of the beast. He refused to say anything and after a short while the-body-that-was-Narutos' snorted.

"So you don't, then. Funny how you are comfortable with being physically close with the kid but know nothing about his emotional state."

Sasuke froze. He would not ask what the creature in front of him meant, but it did… _stir_ something in him. He realised that what he felt was concern. He _had_ asked Naruto to keep a lid on things, despite him having a hard time with it, but… Was that enough to make him unhappy?

The red eyes seemed to find something to build on, and the voice - or the words, he wasn't sure - almost made Sasuke dizzy:

"I see. I guess it makes sense; I never really expected that you actually _cared_ …"

"And you?" Sasuke cut in, voice low and accusatory. "Do you often use Naruto's body as you please?"

He had expected at least a spark of irritation, but all he got was a shrug and a few words that almost made his heart stop:

"I guess it's a night of firsts."

The fox seemed unfazed and unashamed, while Sasuke could feel an angry flush creep up his cheeks. When the beast noticed Sasuke's stiff posture; it grinned.

"You think you know Naruto. You think he'd accept anything. _Accept you._ But I can _smell_ it on you; you do not deserve acceptance. Do not deserve _him_."

Sasuke clenched his jaw as scenes filled with tears and blood flowed into his vision but he said nothing.

"Have you even accepted _him_ , _Uchiha_?" The last word was spat out, like a curse.

Sasuke stayed still, remained silent. He did not want to discuss his relationship with Naruto with this… _thing._

"You wouldn't even let him keep his friends close."

Sasuke ground his teeth at that, knowing exactly what the beast referred to.

"Did you know he was being groomed into becoming Hokage?"

Sasuke hadn't thought he could tense up more, but somehow he did. He couldn't help it; the words just came out:

"What do you mean ' _was_ '?"

"I mean that as soon as you became a distraction - he _stopped_."

Sasuke shook his head slightly, in disbelief, as the creature pressed on:

"He stopped going to the lessons he was supposed to have because _you_ wouldn't keep in touch properly. That's the power you hold over him."

Sasuke didn't believe him. "Naruto wouldn't abandon that ambition."

"I believed so, too. I was wrong."

Their eyes met. Sasuke couldn't read the ninetails expression, but at least the malice had been clear in its voice. Did it really speak the truth?

"You're holding him back, Uchiha. Without you messing him up, causing him all this hurt - he could've been a jounin by now."

"He's... hurting?" Sasuke couldn't help it - the question just slipped out.

The fox growled and suddenly it grabbed Sasuke by the shoulder and pressed him even harder against the wall.

"If you can't even _see that,_ you should really reconsider your position in his life."

The red eyes were unrelenting and Sasuke stared into them, unable to look away. His mind was fixed on the fox's words and it felt as if the world was slowly crumbling around him. He had somehow imagined that even though the situation wasn't ideal, they were still okay as long as they got to see each other. And now the damn fox was telling him that they weren't. That Naruto was _hurting_. That he had given up on his one _dream_ because of Sasuke.

Sasuke's breath came in short huffs and he felt like he had troubles staying upright. Only the clawed hand of the ninetails kept him in place.

The beast snorted again. "If you don't even have anything to say; just _leave_. I presume you _at least_ have the decency to do what's right, now that you know what you are causing him. I mean; if you care in the _slightest_."

Sasuke slumped against the wall and looked away. The words hurt, but looking at those eyes were worse; red instead of blue. Sasuke had already made up his mind and the thought of not getting to look into Naruto's eyes one last time before he left made him _ache_.

"No, I… I have to tell him… _something_."

The beast merely shrugged and let go of Sasuke's shoulders. "Tell him what you want. Tell him I scared you off, for all I care. Just _get out._ "

"No, I can't. If I put the blame on anyone else, he won't accept it, he'll come looking for me."

He met the ninetails gaze again, and there was something searching in its eyes - like a question, hidden, but still apparent to Sasuke. He shook his head and looked down at his hands instead, flexing his fingers and then curling them into fists.

"If I don't give him a reason, he won't give up", he said with determination. "I have to hurt him more before I… let go."

The fox hummed in what Sasuke considered support of his statement. Then it turned around and laid down on the bed, ignoring him. After less than a minute Sasuke could hear the soft, stable breathing of Naruto, asleep. Apparently the demon had said what it had wanted to say and was done with him.

With his heart in his throat, Sasuke scooted around Naruto and made sure he didn't disturb him. As he stood beside the bed, he dared to turn and take a look at Naruto's face. It was calm. He looked at peace. Sasuke spent a short while just trying to memorise that sight. Then he went over to his bag and picked up a small scroll to write Naruto a letter.

He wrote it quickly; writing things he knew would get to Naruto. Reason's like Naruto being in his way. Reason's like Sasuke not wanting what they had together. Reason's like him not seeing a future that could work out for them. As he wrote the last part he seriously started to doubt if there had ever been a real chance for them - he had been a fool for thinking so, for trying to…

His hands were trembling at the end, and the idiotic tears that he couldn't hold back left angry splotches of grey, diluted ink on the paper, but there was no time to rewrite it. When he placed it on the bedside table he made a deliberate choice not to look at Naruto again. Instead, he turned, opened a portal, and stepped through it without hesitation.

He would never stand in the way of Naruto's future or happiness again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean, the title sort of gives this away, doesn't it? Did you expect it?
> 
> I really enjoyed writing the reunion between our boys! And Naruto actually standing up for himself!
> 
> I am currently working on what I think is the last chapter! It's the 11th one! I recently passed 65k words so get ready for longer chapter's from now on!


	8. Plans and poisons

This was not how Sasuke had pictured this meeting panning out. He admitted to himself, a little sourly, that he hadn't had a clear plan when he sent that note to Naruto, except for wanting to control the situation instead of just waiting for Naruto to come to find him. Whatever else he had thought would happen was… at least not this.

He was grinding his teeth as they walked through the sparse forest. The moonlight shone through the thin canopies, making the beams of light paint everything around them in an intricate silver pattern. It made the situation seem even more surreal than it already was.

Just a few steps ahead, to his right, Naruto walked with his hands in his pockets and his head bowed. Sasuke kept throwing glances at his bent neck, fighting the emotions that surged through his body like little currents of electricity. It irked him that the hair on that neck was a dull brown, and not bright and golden, but the neck in itself was so familiar he could almost feel how it felt under his fingertips. The thought made his hands shiver slightly, and he grabbed the hilt of his sword to stabilise himself, trying and failing to look away.

It was familiar, indeed, but at the same time different. Sasuke would have to reach a lot more up instead of out to touch it and that was a very strange discovery. How the hell had the shrimp caught up to him?

He vividly remembered their last meeting and how Naruto had felt in his arms then - shorter than him, firm and strong, in no way dainty, but… not like this tall, almost brawny, man in front of him. Sasuke couldn't help but feel a little fretful about the fact that the way he viewed Naruto as so much larger might also have something to do with himself having become slimmer. Suddenly a vision of being held by Naruto appeared in his mind's eye, arms wrapped around him and himself in the perfect position to place his face against Naruto's tan throat… He ground his teeth even harder, quickly suppressing the image. This was not the time.

In fact, there would never be a time. Sasuke had decided to let Naruto go, and despite the emotions and the unwelcome thoughts that popped into his head, he would not reconsider that choice.

They were on their way to discuss the deed which they both - by some absurd twist of fate - had been tasked with, and that was it. The fact that the reason for Sasuke's change of heart, and him agreeing to come with Naruto, was that he was worried about the idiot was not something he wanted to think about, let alone allow someone else to know.

He trudged through the forest trying not to look at him or let his mind wander too much. He had a really hard time trying not to think about what Naruto had said in the clearing, though. The words themselves had cut Sasuke deep but somehow he had been able to remain calm. It still hurt, not the words themselves, but the memory of how Naruto's voice had seemed almost close to breaking. The way his eyes had caught the pale moonlight, making them appear an even lighter shade of blue, shining with anger and pain.

That was exactly what Sasuke had been wanting to avoid when he had left that night. He had believed that Naruto would have moved on by now, that he had healed and been able to pursue his dream again. The outburst in the clearing made Sasuke doubt that was the case.

The thought of Naruto still clinging to what they had shared almost made it hard to breathe. Naruto was supposed to go forward, not get stuck in the past - Sasuke had put effort into that letter to make sure that would happen. Then again; Sasuke had tried to get Naruto off his back with words before, and it hadn't really worked then, either. To be fair, not even violence had worked.

Mulling this over, Sasuke couldn't help but frown. How naive to think that Naruto would ever give up, no matter what Sasuke told him. It had never worked before, what had made him think it would this time? He started to believe it had only been wishful thinking on his part, and he was not used to that being the case. Usually, Sasuke saw himself as a realist and a far throw from unintelligent, but now he almost reconsidered. He knew Naruto better than that, but having been manipulated and tricked himself in the past he had believed that he would be able to pull something similar off. Clearly he had been wrong.

He snapped out of his thoughts when he registered movement in his periphery. He glanced over at Naruto again as the faux brunette pulled his mask back up, covering his face. The act induced a sinking feeling in Sasuke's gut as he realised he didn't like Naruto looking this way at all. He hated the hair, the mask - even the bland but totally sensible clothes. Admitting to missing the color orange was at a level of humiliation Sasuke would never, ever sink to, and yet -Naruto felt off without it.

"Almost there. We should move more carefully from now on."

Without giving Sasuke a chance to respond Naruto leaped into a frail tree above. It didn't offer much cover, but at least it was better than staying on the ground and Sasuke followed suit, slightly surprised at Naruto's strategic insight.

The higher position made the roofs of the houses in the village come into view and knowing what awaited him there almost made Sasuke turn and leave. The thought of meeting Sakura again after everything he had done to her… He'd just rather not have to face that. Yet that was where he was going.

His concern for Naruto had made him too soft.

Naruto landed lightly on the roof of what Sasuke assumed was the town inn. His back was still turned as Sasuke followed, and he fought the selfish wish that Naruto would look at him. He held back a sigh and made sure that his facial features were in order, just in case he would. Sasuke could not slip up - if Naruto noticed anything at all then what he had worked for during the past year would have been in vain.

"Sakura and Sai will be very surprised to see you. Let me go in first and prepare them before you enter." Naruto glanced over his shoulder at Sasuke, who stilled and almost held his breath, waiting for more. "Just… Can you promise that you won't leave? That you'll join us at my signal?"

Something warm and nostalgic filled Sasuke's chest at the request, and at the same time, the distrust in Naruto's voice made his heart ache. He closed his eyes for a moment and frowned, disguising his dread as irritation.

"I promise."

Sasuke opened his eyes and relaxed slightly as he noticed that Naruto had turned away again and seemed less tense and suspicious. Maybe he hadn't lost all faith in Sasuke, after all. At least Sasuke hoped so. He pushed that thought away and straightened his back, focusing on remaining seemingly detached.

"I just don't want to be deceived or used again, you know."

Sasuke's breath caught in his throat. Was that what Naruto thought Sasuke had done? Used him?

He fought for control over his physical reaction to Naruto's words, suddenly thankful that his back was turned. Sasuke's heart was racing and he had trouble breathing. Sweat was pearling at the nape of his neck and he closed his eyes again, trying to calm and center himself. It took a lot more effort this time, but he managed, somehow.

When Naruto spoke again, Sasuke's brain felt battered and his heart was still pounding, but he was at least tranquil on the outside.

"I'll whistle when you can come inside."

With that, he was gone and Sasuke was alone in his torment. He allowed his knees to buckle beneath him and he slumped down on the roof, unable to see clearly as he battled the internal demons that threatened to consume him.

Naruto hadn't moved past what had transpired between them, that much was clear.

Sasuke had to get his shit together. Soon he was supposed to meet Sakura for the first time since the war. The thought of being caught between both Naruto and Sakura when he already felt this… frail was overwhelming. Having to handle feelings was a pain overall. He wished he could go back to being the way he used to be - act only on instinct and ambition - and at the same time that behaviour had caused this whole situation. He could have been with Naruto through it all - since they were children - but Sasuke had chosen to leave him behind.

He realised with a start that he had done just that again - but this time it was for Naruto's sake, not for his own skewed view on what was right or justified. Sasuke clung to that thought desperately, and by the time he heard Naruto whistle, he was calm enough to stand up, breathe out and shunshin into the room beneath. He thought that if he had moved his legs, they might have buckled beneath him - or he would have run away. Teleportation minimized both of those risks.

As his eyes adjusted to the new environment the first thing he saw was a pair of light green eyes beneath a soft wave of pink hair.

* * *

He looked different, that was her first thought. She couldn't say if he was less or more handsome this way - he was just different.

Sakura was surprised at how calm she felt about meeting her old love again, but even more so at the anger that made her feel as if her veins were filled with ice. When Naruto had come clean about his and Sasuke's relationship and that Sasuke had dumped him through a damn letter she had been burning with rage. That they had been together had been a shock, and at the same time not, but that Sasuke would abandon Naruto in such a heartless way - that was unforgivable.

Then again, she shouldn't be surprised about that. At this moment, however, as she looked at Sasuke for the first time in almost two years, she was slightly perplexed about the apprehension in his eyes. His face was as still and aloof as ever, but in those dark eyes, there were… something worried.

She met his gaze, trying to hold back the things she'd like to say (or scream, more like). Naruto had explained that Sasuke was there for one reason only; he had intel that related to their mission which he was willing to share. Well, speaking of surprises, that actually might be the biggest one. She tried not to frown but felt one form nonetheless.

"Sasuke." She made sure to leave out the old honorific. "You look -" she raised an eyebrow -"well."

"Sakura."

The way he said her name hadn't changed one bit - it was still a drawn-out drawl - and it made the cold anger within flare up again.

"Yeah, so. I guess we won't pressure each other about why we're here", Naruto said and Sakura's gaze shifted to him. He looked understandably bothered by the situation, but most of all he seemed irritated. She wondered what had happened between them. Naruto had been away for quite a while despite promising he'd be quick and that all he needed was some air. Being away for over an hour and coming back with Sasuke in tow… Well, it must've been an exciting outing.

"Fine", she said, but as she did she registered movement from Sai and turned to look at him.

He had pushed himself off from the wall he had been leaning against and he watched Sasuke intently, his dark eyes cold and vary.

"Why should we trust anything he says? He's a traitor."

Sakura couldn't argue with the statement in itself - calling Sasuke trustworthy would have been a far stretch - but despite being angry with him for how he had treated Naruto she still didn't think that he'd be out to harm Konoha. Not anymore. Not after having fought side by side with him during the war and hearing Naruto tell her about how he had promised not to hurt Konoha ninja.

Sai hadn't shared that experience with them, though, and his thoughts on the matter were understandable.

"I'll vouch for him."

Sakura's frown deepened and she sighed. Of course Naruto would do that despite everything that Sasuke had put him through. His words seemed to have no effect on Sai, though, who took a few steps forward to stand threateningly close to Sasuke.

"No offense, Naruto, but you're in no position to do that. We know your view on this is… compromised." Sai looked at Naruto apologetically before he turned back to Sasuke. "I want the traitor to give me a reason for why he'd share any intel with us."

Sasuke met Sai's relentless stare calmly, but Sakura could see that the concern she had noticed in his eyes before had turned into irritation. An irritated Sasuke was a potentially dangerous one, so she started to work out ways to calm the situation down before it went south. Naruto was quicker than her, though; he stepped in between the two other men and faced Sai without hesitation.

"Sai - please. He wants to help."

For a moment Sai seemed to hesitate, but then he tensed and straightened his back - he was almost as tall as Naruto, but a lot slimmer, and the vision of a cheetah standing up to a lion popped into Sakura's head. Sai didn't seem like he was about to back down, though, and he met Naruto's eyes with confidence. They stared at each other for a moment, before Sasuke's indifferent voice broke the silence.

"I'll share my intel so you amateurs don't fuck up what I've been working on for weeks."

Three pairs of eyes turned to watch him. Sasuke's eyes were closed and he looked as unfazed and arrogant as ever, but Sakura noticed the slight frown between his brows. Then Sai moved - in one fluid motion he reached for his tanto, sidestepped Naruto, drew the blade, and pressed it to Sasuke's jaw. Sasuke didn't move at all, just met Sai's burning eyes with a depreciating look in his own. Sakura knew him well enough to know that he had allowed it; Sai was skilled, but no match for the last Uchiha.

Naruto growled and grabbed Sai's hand, forcing the blade away from Sasuke's face. "Stop it, Sai!" He curled a fist in Sai's collar, although not very hard. "Calm down!"

Sai met Naruto's eyes and apparently he saw something there that Sakura didn't, because he sighed and relaxed. As he did, so did Naruto and the hand in his teammate's collar drifted to his shoulder instead.

"Thank you", Naruto said softly, squeezing Sai's arm.

For some reason, Sakura's gaze moved towards Sasuke. As calm as his face was, it was clear that his breathing was more shallow and his eyes were glazed over with something - anger? Sai's tanto almost cutting up his face had rendered no reaction, but now… Sakura followed his gaze - he stared at Naruto's hands on Sai. She had to force back a smirk.

"Okay, if you've got all of that out of your systems-" She motioned at all three of them -"can we get to the important stuff?"

Sai put his tanto back into the scabbard with a loud clack, looked at Sasuke one last time, as if to warn him from trying anything, and turned to go back to lean against the wall. Sasuke just snorted, and Naruto let out an exasperated sigh.

"Right." Sakura rolled her eyes. "What are you here for, Sasuke? What is it that you think you know but we don't?"

His visible, dark eye met her light ones and she felt nothing but the same cold anger as before. He had abandoned the village, and them, too many times. He had been given every chance to return, or just stay, but he hadn't. And now Naruto suffered more than ever for it. Sasuke remained quiet for too long in her taste, and she decided to urge him on.

"So? Talk - before we change our minds and bring you back to Konoha as our prisoner, instead."

Sasuke glanced over at Naruto, swiftly and barely noticeable, and Sakura deemed her theory correct; Sasuke might have released Naruto of his promise, but he hadn't fully relinquished his own. It had surprised her that Sasuke would take that type of pledge, but Naruto had been very convinced that Sasuke had meant it; he wouldn't fight back if Konoha nin tried to subdue him. When he had allowed Sai to almost cut him it had been her first hint - his reaction just now made it clear. He was in their hands, and yet he had agreed to come. She wondered why.

Sasuke snorted at her statement. "Threats will get you nowhere, Sakura. Especially empty ones."

Her eyes narrowed, but she still suspected that the only one who spoke empty words was Sasuke.

"Whatever", she said. "You're here to tell us about what's going on in the palace. So do that."

"I will." He threw his cloak back and placed a hand lazily on the hilt of his katana. It looked casual, but Sakura recognised it as a way to gain some calm and comfort. "First; what do you know so far?"

Sai cut in: "We never said we'd share our intel with you."

Sasuke threw him a poisonous glare but didn't respond.

"Sai's right. We never agreed to share anything." Sakura folded her arms over her chest. "But if you're serious about sharing yours then spit it out."

Sasuke's jaw tensed. "I am not out to get any intel from you since you wouldn't know anything I don't already know", he said slowly and deliberately. "I am only asking to learn how much I have to tell you."

Sakura had no time to answer before a fast stream of words poured from Naruto:

"We know there's suspicion of a fighting ring. I was about to fight in it to get definitive proof of its existence and learn how it works, but tonight's fights were canceled."

Sai and Sakura both stared at Naruto. Sakura was irritated that he just went ahead and did that, but she should have expected that he'd speak up eventually. Naruto met her eyes and grimaced.

"We haven't got all night, you know."

"You're the one who said we shouldn't pressure each other about the reason we're here and yet as soon as Sasuke pressured us, you caved", Sai said, a cold tint in his voice. "That's some small dick energy if I ever saw it."

"Sai, stop it", Sakura warned, not in the mood for the boys to start fighting again. Naruto was already fuming and Sasuke seemed taken aback by Sai's comment. "Naruto, calm down - if you want to save time, then let's keep the quarreling to a minimum."

Sai and Naruto hadn't fought in ages, they usually got along well these days, and it bothered her that they fell back into this old habit so easily. The two boys glared at each other, and then Sai fired off one of his most fake smiles. Sakura buried her face in her hands and groaned - Naruto would absolutely snap now.

When she didn't hear the immediate sound of Naruto screaming or throwing himself over Sai, she peeked through her fingers. Naruto had crossed his arms over his chest and was deliberately looking away from Sai. He looked tense and pissed off, but apparently he wasn't going to take it any further. Sakura let out a sigh of relief - at least one of them had matured somewhat.

"Ok", she said and realised she sounded really exasperated. "Whatever, we have to fill Naruto in on what happened after he left the dining room anyway, so let's just put the cards on the table."

Sai sent her a hesitant and almost irritated look, but she ignored him. She was in charge on paper and he just had to deal with her decision.

"We're here on an undercover mission to see if there's proof of the Daimyo conducting illegal activity in form of a fighting ring for shinobi. It's recon only and we're posing as traveling merchants, except Naruto who's our bodyguard. Tonight we were invited to the palace to discuss the purchase of some farmland, and during dinner, the Daimyo invited us to partake in something he called 'exhilarating'. He asked a bunch of questions about Naruto, asked our permission to 'borrow' him and the guards took him away. After that he spoke more clearly on the subject and started telling us about the rules of the ring - he clearly didn't want Naruto to hear it."

"Why not?" Naruto scowled at her. "What did he say?"

Sakura shifted a little, frowning as well. "It turns out that the fighting ring isn't just a fighting ring. The winning patron doesn't get a money prize or anything like that - instead they… they get the losing shinobi."

"What?" Naruto looked dumbstruck, and she understood him. She had been in disbelief herself when she heard it.

"Well, in short -" she said and met his eyes -"like I said, it's not just a fighting ring; it's a human trafficking operation."

Naruto's jaw dropped. "But… what? How? Does the ninja who fights in the ring just accept that? Why would they?"

"We didn't really get that far. He told us about other stuff at first - like how they drug the shinobi before the fight to make it impossible for them to use chakra, and what type of audience usually come to watch and place bets on the fighters. Plus there was just a bunch of pleasantries and sake and stuff, so before he got into specifics on how the loser has to switch masters the whole thing was canceled and he bid us good night."

"... 'make it impossible for them to use chakra'?" Naruto said with distrust. "How?"

"We don't know, but it does seem worrying. We don't know why the fight was canceled, either. Did something happen in the basement?"

Naruto and Sasuke exchanged a look and Sakura furrowed her brows.

"I… can answer that", Sasuke said slowly. "I was in the palace but was discovered. It put the whole place on high alert since they realised they were being watched, and they probably weren't willing to risk getting caught red-handed in case they went ahead with the fights."

Sakura stared at him in disbelief. "You were discovered?"

Sasuke was always a good ninja, but during the war, he gained the damn ability to walk through dimensions - how the heck had someone been able to find him when he was literally able to disappear into thin air?

"I wondered how that happened", Naruto said thoughtfully and watched Sasuke who sighed and closed his eyes.

"I saw you", he muttered under his breath and Naruto's eyes almost grew two sizes in surprise.

Sakura watched the awkward moment play itself out in silence, and even Sai kept his mouth shut despite it being a perfect opportunity to embarrass Sasuke even more. She was sure he'd like that, but was thankful that he didn't.

"But… when?" Naruto watched Sasuke intently, brows furrowed and blue eyes still shining with disbelief. "You seemed to come from rather far away, I heard running several halls over."

Sasuke didn't meet Naruto's gaze. Instead, he kept his own eyes firmly closed and seemed to be fighting a scowl.

"I… just lured them away and then went back."

"You came to find me? Why?"

"To tell you to get the hell out of there", Sasuke answered through gritted teeth.

That didn't really make a lot of sense to Sakura. Showing himself to Naruto was a huge mistake if he wanted Naruto to stay away - it was bound to have the opposite effect.

Naruto had come a long way during the last year. She knew he was still maneuvering the hurt that Sasuke had caused, and he had also still been searching for him every chance he got. Every seedy little inn they stayed in on missions, every gritty bar they passed, every rogue ninja they took down - they were all an opportunity for Naruto to ask about the whereabouts of Uchiha Sasuke. He had never gotten anything that even resembled a clue, just a few dark rumours and scared reactions at the mention of the name. He hadn't given up, though, and it had hurt her to see him keep trying so desperately to find their lost teammate. Again.

Sakura had asked him just a few weeks back if it really was worth it. Almost a year had passed, maybe it was time to actually try to meet someone new. She had known it was a futile attempt to even suggest it, and she had been right. Naruto wouldn't have it and had asked her firmly but politely to never say anything like that again. That it was worth it to him - because there was no one else for him. He had also stated that even if Sasuke wanted nothing to do with him he at least needed to know why before he tried to move on. He needed another type of closure than a letter riddled with mixed signals. She understood that and hadn't brought it up again.

Once again she wondered what had transpired between them while Naruto was out, but apparently they had also met in the palace - no wonder he was such a mess when they returned to the inn.

"What happened?" she asked.

"I sent a clone out to snoop around. He found nothing of interest and was hiding in a storage room when he heard some sort of commotion outside the door. He -" Naruto motioned at Sasuke -"suddenly showed up, told me to get the hell out of there, and strangled the life out of my poor clone."

Sakura's heartbeat sped up. She wouldn't even comment on the idiotic idea of sending out a clone in that situation. All she could think about was that the first time Naruto got to meet Sasuke after their parting - Sasuke had tried to suffocate him. She turned her eyes towards Sasuke, not trying to hide the anger. He opened his eyes, almost as if he could feel her gaze, and drawled:

"Don't start, Sakura, I knew it was a clone."

"That doesn't matter, you fucking jerk…" She was ready to blow her fuse and probably would have if Naruto hadn't stepped in between them, hands lifted in a calming manner.

"Sakura-chan, come on - no fighting, remember?"

She met his eyes and could tell he wasn't as bothered as her about what Sasuke had done. That almost made her even angrier, but she knew she had to hold back; he was right. She was dying to ask him about what else had happened between him and Sasuke, but that would have to wait.

"Alright, forget it", she hissed and threw her hair back, trying to calm herself. "So you were there to investigate the fighting ring, as well?"

Sasuke nodded once, and she continued: "Why?"

"That's not part of the deal." He clearly noticed her eyes narrowing and kept talking. "I can tell you about the other things you were wondering about, however."

Sakura decided to drop it and remained silent as Sasuke reached into his bag och picked something up. He held it up in front of them.

"Did you happen to see these anywhere in the palace?"

It was two small sheets of metal. There were numbers and letters stamped on them and they sort of looked like keycards, but they clearly weren't.

"No. What is it?" she said and regarded the cards with a growing feeling of suspicion.

"They are tags. They are part of how the patrons of the fighting rings can control the shinobi they gamble with."

"How?" Naruto clearly couldn't hold the question back, despite the fact that Sasuke was getting to it.

Sasuke didn't seem irritated by the interruption, though. He merely sent Naruto a look and handed him a card. Naruto took it and as his fingers touched the metal his eyes widened.

"What is it?" Sakura asked.

"There's chakra in this", he answered in amazement.

Sasuke handed the other tag to Sakura and as she took it she could feel it buzzing with chakra.

"They are made from a certain chakra responsive metal. There is another part to them, called a chip. I'm not entirely sure how, but they are connected - for each tag there is a matching chip. You mentioned earlier that the fighter's are drugged before the fight and that it makes them unable to use chakra-"

"How does that work?" Naruto cut in.

"Not entirely sure, but it's some sort of poison that fucks up their chakra veins and tenketsu. It also limits their ability to mould chakra, if my theory is correct."

"Why, though?" Naruto asked as he kept turning and closely watching the tag, his face distorted in both wonder and disgust. "It's a ninja fight, don't they want to see ninjutsu? And why did he ask about my affinity if it doesn't matter, anyway?"

"It doesn't in this arena, but it does in the higher tiers. This is a place to primarily lure ninja in, not get extraordinary fights - that comes later. This particular ring drugs the fighters for two reasons." Sasuke snapped the tag out of Naruto's hand, which made him look up and fasten his attention at Sasuke as he went on with his explanation."First; Ona's arena isn't large or safe enough for use of ninjutsu, so only taijutsu and regular weapons are allowed. Second; for the chip and tag to work the ninja's chakra must be suppressed when they insert the chip into their bodies. When someone is chipped, the person who holds the tag is able to suppress their chakra at will. Without chakra the ninja aren't as much of a threat to their masters, especially not since they usually have large groups of guards to subdue insubordinate shinobi." His features darkened. "If that wasn't enough the chip also makes it possible for the master to let the shinobi die of chakra depletion, so running away isn't an option, either."

Naruto swore under his breath. Sakura's hands were shaking, and she tried to keep them steady by having her arms folded and gripping the little piece of metal in her hand hard.

"Okay, that explains how they get ninja into the trafficking operation and why it's so hard for them to get out", she said. "Ona made sure that Naruto wouldn't hear the parts about the drug and the prices, because he was supposed to be tricked into it, thinking that his employers wanted to see how well he'd do in a fight for fun and that he'd go back home with them afterward no matter how it went."

"Yes. And once a shinobi is drugged and chipped it's too late", Sasuke said in affirmation.

"I wonder what Ona would have done if we had changed our minds and said no after he told us about the prices." Sakura looked over at Sai. "Do you think he'd take kindly to that?"

Sai was frowning and met her eyes looking unsure. "I don't think we had much choice but to go along with it at that point. Not if we wanted to stay on his good side. Few regular merchants would dare oppose a Daimyo after already having agreed to his proposal, the premise made clear or not."

Sakura nodded and Sasuke hummed in agreement.

"Few people would oppose Ona at all. He's known as someone you don't want to be unfriendly with." There was a bitter tone to his voice.

They fell silent for a moment, each of them deep in their own thoughts. Then Sakura swore.

"This means we have to change the plan."

Sai and Naruto looked perplexed at the thought, but Sasuke nodded.

"Yes. It was an idiotic risk to take to begin with."

Sakura felt a surge of anger when he bashed her plan, but she couldn't really say anything, with the way things had turned out.

"Wait, why?" Naruto was clearly confused.

Sakura turned her attention to him. "Because no matter how great your healing is, we know that you're susceptible to poisons. And if you get chipped, then what? Sure, you're different, but we can't know for sure that you can break past whatever barriers it places on you."

"For real? You're doubting that I can override some tiny piece of metal?" He looked offended.

"I'm just saying we can't know - and we're supposed to be undercover. If you can break through it'll definitely be cause for suspicion - and if you break through too hard and go full fox mode they'll know for sure that Konoha is on to them."

"This drug and those chips have brought down plenty of ninja, several highly skilled", Sasuke said.

"Well sure, but they're not me, you know."

Sasuke sent him a haughty look. "Don't be foolish, Naruto."

"You can't tell me what to do, you jerk -"

"But I can -" Sakura cut in -"and I'm saying it's a no-go."

"Then what do we do?" Sai asked mildly.

Sakura had no answer. She didn't see any other way than reaching out to Ona and hoping to be allowed back inside and try to get Naruto into the ring again, but this new intel made it far too risky. A part of her wanted to make the call that the mission should change it's profile - from undercover recon to rescue, since there were victims of human trafficking involved, but that was over her jurisdiction. She was still only a chunin, after all.

"Haven't we gotten enough intel from Sasuke to just go back and tell Kakashi-sensei what we know?" Naruto asked.

Sakura glanced at him and then over at Sasuke, who gave her a look that told her that he was thinking the same thing as her.

"Sorry, Naruto", she said "but going back with intel we got from a rogue ninja we're supposed to capture on sight doesn't really seem like a good idea. We'd have to lie to Kakashi-sensei about how we got it, and I'm not willing to do that. Plus Sasuke doesn't have all the answers, either. We have to find out what type of poison they are using - it sounds like it could be a real threat to the entire ninja world. It could potentially be used for chemical warfare and render even armies defenseless if the enemy were able to spike the food supplies."

He grimaced. "Shit, yeah, you're right. Plus it sort of feels like cheating." Then all blood seemed to drain from his face. "Wait… There was no fight today, but might be one tomorrow? That means the fighters that were there tonight might be brought back and taken - we can't just let that happen! We have to do something before then, bring in more ninja and take the whole place out, or just do it ourselves - I don't think it'd be that hard -"

"Naruto, slow down!" Sakura locked eyes with him and made sure she had his full attention before she continued. "We can't do that, it's way out of what we're allowed to do here, and if we spook Ona he might wash away any trace of the fighting ring and move the whole thing somewhere else - then we'd be back on square one and won't be able to help anyone."

"But…" He looked crestfallen, but then he seemingly steeled himself. "Then we have to get that proof. Tomorrow. I'm doing this - I'm going back in."

"Naruto…" Sakura touched her forehead lightly - she felt like she was about to snap from frustration with the whole situation.

"I am doing this. I can handle it."

"You don't understand, Naruto", Sasuke said softly, and Sakura felt a hint of surprise at his tone. "This whole thing is bigger and involving more, and a lot more dangerous, people than Ona and his guards. If you can't break through whatever barrier the chip places on you and you lose the match, you will be taken away and we might not be able to find you."

Sakura wasn't so distracted by her thoughts that she didn't notice the 'we'. She looked up at Sasuke and noticed that he looked just as concerned as he sounded. Naruto was too riled up to see it, though.

"Like I'd lose, come on, what do you think of me?" He asked Sasuke, irritation clear in his voice.

"You're stronger with ninjutsu, let's just leave it at that."

"You haven't seen me fight seriously in two years, don't speak as if you know anything about my taijutsu…"

"Boys! Please - I've had enough with the fucking arguing!" She threw her arms up, sighed, and pinched the bridge of her nose. This was getting really annoying.

Naruto fell silent and looked over at her. She felt as if she would lose it for real if they didn't get anywhere with this soon, and she had just gotten an idea.

"Okay", she said and took a deep breath. "You're doing this." Naruto's eyes lit up as Sasuke's darkened. He was just about to cut in, but she wouldn't let him. "On one condition."

"Sure, anything", Naruto said, eager to get the green light, but she raised a hand to silence him.

"Sorry, but you have no power over it. The condition is that Sasuke comes with us and keeps a close eye on you during the whole thing."

Naruto stared at her, dumbstruck, Sasuke looked shocked and Sai started protesting. She silenced him with a look.

"We won't be able to do it, Sai, we'll have to keep up appearances. If Sasuke helps we'll know that Naruto isn't at risk. Even you can trust that, right?"

Despite Sasuke being a grade-A prick and not treating Naruto very well, she was sure that he wouldn't let anything happen to him. Apparently Sai felt the same way, because he didn't speak again, he just folded his arms and glared at Sasuke, who glared back equally as critically.

"Okay, good", Naruto said and looked at Sasuke. "You'll do it, right? It would help you as well to get whatever intel we can get from doing this?"

Sakura almost groaned. Damn it, Naruto, he'd do it for you, you imbecile, she thought and rubbed at her temple. She turned out to be right when Sasuke sighed and nodded, seemingly reluctant.

"Alright. I will keep an eye on the idiot", he said and Sakura scoffed. He looked at her and she could see the realisation in his eyes - he knew that she knew and he broke eye contact with a sullen look on his face.

"Great", Naruto said. "It's settled. Let's go over the plan."

This time Sakura did groan. "We will, we will, but -" She sighed "- can't we just take a short break first? I feel like my brain is about to explode from all of this tension and quarreling. It's my turn to need some fresh air and a minute to clear my head."

She shifted her feet and stretched her arms above her head in an attempt to release some of the tension that almost made her muscles ache. Then she had an idea.

"Sasuke - join me."

He looked a little apprehensive, but nodded once and followed her as she left through the window. She didn't look back, but she could vividly imagine the look on Naruto's face at that moment.

* * *

Getting back into the palace turned out to be even easier than expected - Ona invited them once again to dinner. He sent Sabanto this time as well, and the small man assured them the palace was now secured and that they could safely go ahead with the plans from the night before. Naruto thought Ona was very cocky for doing that so soon after a break-in - he didn't seem like an overly cautious man, but he wasn't stupid either. Sabanto told them that an escort would be sent this time as well.

"Just don't eat or drink anything that they give to you", Sasuke warned before he left to keep lookout. "Try to get rid of it - discreetly."

"They gave me food and drink last night and I felt nothing", Naruto answered. "Must mean that whatever they gave me didn't work, right?"

Sasuke had looked doubtful and almost confused. "Just avoid it if you can. And don't do anything stupid."

"Give me a break", Naruto had muttered back before he turned away. He felt done with it all - handling Sasuke in the midst of a mission was taking its toll on him. He just wanted to get it over with.

Despite wanting to finish this quickly, he had suggested turning the mission into a longer thing earlier that day - not because he wanted it to last longer but because he wanted to do as much as possible.

"What if I lost on purpose?"

The others had looked at him disapprovingly.

"Wait, hear me out! That way you could follow and find out where the next tier of the fighting ring is being held and we could find - and help - more of victims."

"Naruto -" Sakura had sighed and looked at him with almost a pleading look in her eyes "- we have no idea who else is going to be there tonight. What if you lose against someone from a different country? If you're brought over the border we won't be able to follow."

"You won't, but Sasuke could."

"No", Sasuke had said, as cold as usual, and Naruto had fought back the anger that threatened to ruin whatever goodwill he and Sasuke had managed to create between them for this particular operation. Instead of going off on him, Naruto had tried to persuade him.

"Why not? You want to investigate this as well, why not take the opportunity?"

Sakura had spoken up before Sasuke could answer. "Because that would make it clear that we accepted help from a rogue ninja and left Konoha's greatest hero in his hands. We might get suspended, but the more probable punishment would be getting completely dismissed from ninja duty and losing our ranks", Sakura cut in. "Plus we don't know what type of people your new 'masters' would be. What if they hurt you?"

"I can take it."

"But we don't want you to. OK?" She had looked at him in that endearing way she used when she was genuinely concerned for him and he had known that he had lost this fight even before she kept talking. "And apart from that; if you win we get to bring at least one other person out of there. A person who would be a key witness, even."

Naruto had felt a little stupid after hearing that. She was right. Bringing one person out was better than bringing no one out. He had agreed he wouldn't throw the match.

Amazed by how smoothly everything had gone, Naruto soon found himself in the small room in the basement of the palace again. He declined the food that was given to him, assuring the guards that he had already eaten. He expected them to urge him to eat anyway, he had only declined as a sort of test, but instead, they shrugged and left him alone.

He felt a growing suspicion take root in the pit of his stomach. The food wasn't what was spiked? Then how did they plan on drugging them?

He soon got his answer. Forty-five minutes before the fight the guard left, and the small room suddenly filled with a thick gas that smelled heavily of something sweet and something foul at the same time.

Oh, fuck.

It happened so quickly he had no chance to avoid breathing it in. The first breath caused him to cough, wheeze, and suck in even more of the poison. His lungs burned as they filled with the horrible gas. Within seconds the other fighters were out, but Naruto clung to his consciousness desperately. Whatever this was, it clearly affected him badly, though, and soon he was on the floor as well. His eyes were running, his breathing was strained, and even though he wanted to hold his breath the smoky gas only made him cough and inhale even more of it. His skin started to sting and it felt as if the veins in his body shrunk, or was wasting away. Still, he fought to stay awake, although he could feel his mind slipping.

The smoke dispersed as quickly as it had appeared, and he could hear the door open again. His breathing was shallow and he felt weak and worn out - as if he had fought until the brink of chakra exhaustion.

The room filled with the sound of footsteps, and soon hands were on him, his mask pulled down and something sharp shoved into the back of his neck. It hurt, but he was unable to move. He coughed.

"What the… How the fuck is he still awake?"

"What? Really? Let me…"

Someone turned him around.

"He came with the merchant couple, right? He's gonna get an injection, as well. Apparently Daimyo-sama wants him."

"Alright. I can't believe he's not already knocked out. Should I up the dosage?"

"Might as well. Daimyo-sama will be very disappointed in us if he doesn't lose. He really wants this one."

A hint of fear actually found its way into Naruto's mind. Injection? The Daimyo wanted him? No, no, no, he would have none of that crap. Mission or not - he didn't want another drug in his system when he already was almost completely knocked out. Not when everything already hurt this much. Not when knowing that some corrupted, and possibly perverted, slaver wanted to _own_ him.

 _Kurama_...

Silence.

_Holy shit. Kurama, are you there?_

He barely even had the time to feel worried about the fox before another needle was shoved into his neck, and everything went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I found it so weird that something like the Coliseum would work - that ninja would just go along with being traded like that. It made no sense to me. This is my take on how it could have worked. Made my own rules :) 
> 
> Mama bear Sakura is back for a bit - always fun for me! 
> 
> And another little look into Sasuke's head. Also the longest chapter so far >.> What do you think?


	9. Collection and destruction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have no triggers and dislikes spoilers, please close your eyes for a sec, scroll down and move on to read the chapter :)
> 
> TW: Mention of rape/sexual abuse. Don't worry - nothing will happen! But the mood of one of the scenes might be unsettling.  
> TW: Light gore.

_I don't like this..._

The thought had been ringing in Sasuke's head for the last hour, ever since Naruto had gone into the room where the fighters waited before it was their turn in the ring. The space was too small for him to be able to enter and keep an eye on Naruto without being discovered, and thus he had been forced to wait at the vantage point he had found in the arena.

It was well concealed from the audience, and the guards didn't seem to think about checking the ceiling. Standing upside-down in the space between a pillar and the far wall of the arena made a perfect spot to hide and still be able to see the ring. The arena wasn't that big, but at least the ceiling was high enough for him to not be in line of sight.

He shifted a little and tried not to sigh. The concern he felt about the whole operation didn't seem completely intelligible. Sure, it was a dangerous idea but it was _Naruto_. He would manage whatever happened - Sasuke _knew_ this, for a _fact_ , and yet he couldn't kick the horrible feeling that Naruto was in danger. He shouldn't be. Not with that monster fox on his side.

Sasuke ground his teeth at the thought of the beast, torn between some sort of gratefulness, since it clearly cared for Naruto, and the abhorrence he couldn't help but feel for it.

He was brought from his thoughts when a cheer rose from the small crowd and Sasuke stretched his neck to see what was going on. Ona had entered the ring and was egging on his guests to cheer some more before he raised both his hands to silence them. Sasuke scowled at the sight of the man, as garish as ever, and ground his teeth so hard his jaw almost hurt.

"Tonight -" Ona's strong voice boomed through the room -"I give you three exciting fights between six skillful shinobi!"

Sasuke zoned out the sound of his voice. He couldn't stand it, knowing what this man did to the shinobi in question. Ona as a person was an asshole, but it also kept surprising Sasuke that he was a Daimyo, the way he acted. He knew of no other Daimyo who would do this; act as a conferencier and a showman before a bunch of haughty guests of lower standing than himself. Sasuke cared little for rank or titles, but this was off, even to him.

Naruto wasn't in the first fight. The two ninja who entered the ring were young and seemed nervous. The boy kept running his fingers over his neck and glance at the audience, perhaps looking for his employer. The girl seemed used to it, despite being somewhat high-strung. The two of them were at best mediocre at taijutsu, but the girl was faster. The boy, no older than fifteen, lost and Sasuke wondered how he'd react to the news about getting new masters.

Sasuke frowned at the inability to do anything - he had been working on this for far too long to let this opportunity slip between his fingers. He needed to do this. He needed to find out how the rest of the chain worked so that he could break this operation apart. Step one was Ona - the one who brought the majority of the ninja in.

The ring was cleaned from a few splotches of blood before the next match. Sasuke tensed as Naruto entered the arena - and inhaled sharply at the sight of him. Naruto's eyelids seemed heavy, not enough for anyone else to notice, but Sasuke sure did. Naruto's eyes were always so… alert and vivid. Now he looked as he did when he had just woken up, although there was none of that soft, content look in them that Sasuke was used to seeing. The thought made his heart flutter, but the concern was greater - had he taken the drug, despite the warnings? Sasuke knew that might happen, but knowing it made his heartbeat speed up.

Sasuke looked over at Naruto's opponent - another young man, about the same age and size, but far more alert, it seemed. It struck Sasuke that this person wasn't new to the arena - he had done this before and had not been chipped right before the fight. He should still have his chakra suppressed and that ought to make him at least a little sluggish, though, so why was there such a vast difference between them? Then the fighter looked over at Ona - and smiled. At that moment Sasuke feared that the opponent might not be without chakra at all. He wouldn't put it past Ona to let his own fighters have some to get an edge.

The signal to start the fight went off, and Sasuke's eyes snapped back to Naruto - who was still standing still and absentmindedly rubbed at his neck. He had a wooden bat in his other hand, but he didn't seem to be aware of it.

_Fuck._

The first kick hit Naruto square in the face and he stumbled backward, losing the grip of the bat. He hit the stone floor and rolled over to get back to his feet - although clumsily. It wasn't apparent; to someone else, it might have looked as if he reacted too late and got back up to the best of his abilities, but Sasuke knew better.

Something was very wrong.

Naruto raised his hands and guarded his face well when the opponent came at him again - the problem was that he didn't manage to react in time. The punch connected with Naruto's ribs, made him curl in on himself and almost topple over - if he had been someone else they absolutely would have. To follow up the punch the opponent crashed his other elbow down on top of Naruto's head.

Naruto fell flat, face-planting the stone floor. He pushed himself up to his elbows, made a gurgling sound and blood started seeping out through the fabric of the mask. The rage Sasuke felt at the vision made him bite down hard, clenching his jaw shut, and let out a shaky breath through his nostrils.

The rest of the fight continued in a similar manner. Naruto got a few punches in despite his state but overall he was at a disadvantage. Sasuke's heart was pounding hard in his chest as he watched the unfair battle below, the sounds of Naruto's groans and wheezing breath only getting louder and louder to his ears.

When the match stopped, Sasuke felt exhausted, pearls of sweat collecting on his throat and his temples. Naruto was face down on the stone, but he was still trying to get up. Since the match was over, there was no need for him to move, but it was as if Naruto wasn't all clear on what was going on.

He was helped to his feet and his knees almost buckled beneath him, but he managed to straighten up and looked around, seemingly confused. Ona stepped into the ring to hype up the winner. As Naruto's opponent stepped forward, urging the crowd on to cheer for him, Ona turned, grinned at Naruto - and _stroked his cheek_.

A fire went off in Sasuke's head and he felt a surge of electricity gracing his fingertips - as if he was preparing for a kill.

As in a trance Sasuke watched as Ona's guards put a tag in his hand, and grabbed Naruto by his elbows. The bastard didn't even grant Sai and Sakura a look before he let his guards take their presumed bodyguard away, but that was the least of Sasuke's concerns. He had to follow them. He readied himself and waited for the right moment to sprint to the next pillar.

Ona turned towards the audience and announced the next match. The fighters who entered were experienced fighters - neither seemed nervous or lost - but the only thing Sasuke cared about was to follow Naruto. He snuck across the ceiling and hid behind the next pillar, sure that he had not been seen. He checked that the coast was clear for the next sprint when he noticed that Ona was leaving the arena. The third match was still ongoing, but clearly the Daimyo did not care about that. Sasuke froze in his place for a moment, as dread started to spread throughout his body.

He could not let Ona out of his sight - he was sure that wherever that awful man was going was where he'd find Naruto. The thought was suffocating. Sasuke swallowed - and then he ran. At that moment he didn't care if he was seen, all he knew was that he had to follow Ona to wherever he was going. He reached the far wall, closest to where the Daimyo had entered into the hall that led out of the arena. Sasuke dared to shunshin into the hall below.

It was empty and he could hear the sound of faint footsteps in the distance. He followed, his own heartbeat still ringing in his ears, and turned a corner - only to find himself in an ambush.

The narrow space was full of guards, stanced and ready, and Sasuke swore internally - they had known he was coming and he had been too worked up to notice. He didn't have time to wonder about how in the hell they knew before the first four guards charged him. He drew his katana in response - metal singing against metal as he parried their blows in a consecutive flow.

Sasuke's mind went blank - all he wanted was to reach Naruto. These henchmen were nothing but a disturbance, a hindrance. He should dispose of them quickly, the same way he always had in the first year after the war; without mercy or hesitation.

_You think he'd accept anything. Accept you. But I can smell it on you; you do not deserve acceptance. Do not deserve him._

Even after all this time, the words of the beast rang true - Naruto would not approve of killing, not even if it was to aid him. To be honest, Sasuke didn't wish to smell of blood and death anymore, either. It was part of a past he wished to erase and forget, although he knew that would never be possible. At least, maybe, he could forge a better future, not for himself, but for others. Perhaps even for those he cared about.

Sasuke gritted his teeth and angled the katana so that it's sharp edge was not directed at his opponents. He would not kill, especially men who only followed orders. Centering himself, he exhaled, took his stance, and activated the Sharingan before he fixed his eye at the nearest opponent and spoke:

"Come."

* * *

The world was a kaleidoscope. A blur of watercolors and prisms that flowed together in a pattern that made no sense, and at the same time _all_ the sense. Dark eyes met his and all he could think of was how the light made them look as if there were rainbows in them. Swirling tomoe made his head spin and Naruto tried to reach up and touch the face above, just a few centimeters from his own.

He grabbed nothing. Confused, he looked at his own hand. A chuckle escaped him. Oh, right. Sasuke hadn't been close to him, or looked at him like that, for months. He was gone, unreachable - a dream in the wind, a wish that never came true, not for real. He had left even before they had started something substantial, Naruto knew that now.

He let the hand fall back to the covers of the bed and stared up into the canopy, a heavy, deep purple fabric taking up his view. It was beautiful, and he looked at it for a long while before he even noticed the nagging concern at the back of his mind. It didn't feel right. None of it.

Trying to move again Naruto realised that his body felt heavy and noncompliant. His shoulder ached in a way that meant it had sustained an injury, and his confusion grew - he had no recollection of getting hurt. Thinking back, he found a vague memory of being in a fight, though, and he tried hard to grasp at the few strands of remembrance that he could identify. Yeah. He had been in a fight, but it seemed distant, like a dream. How had he gotten there? He couldn't remember.

The sound of a door opening interrupted his thoughts, and he tried to lift his head to see who it was who entered, but his head was too heavy for his neck and it fell back onto the bed. A voice muttered something, and another answered before he heard the door open and close again.

Naruto tried hard to focus on the moment, get back to reality, and be able to move, but his body was uncooperative. He realised his mask was pulled down but he was unable to pull it back up.

Whoever it was who had entered the room moved in closer and he could feel the presence of someone large and threatening in his near vicinity. It was unpleasant, and he tried to move further away, cursing the fact that his body wouldn't comply. All he managed was to move his fingers.

"There's no need to push yourself. It's a wonder you can move at all after two of those injections. Especially the last one", a dark voice said above him.

Injections… Oh, yeah. Naruto attempted to reach up and touch his neck. It was sore - in at least three places.

"Yeah, that's right", the voice said. "I bet it hurts. I'm sorry. I don't enjoy that you're in pain, but it was necessary."

Naruto frowned and tried to shake his head - shake it free of the fog that filled it and made everything seem so slow.

"Wha…"

"Shh. Just relax. Everything will be fine."

Naruto's body went cold in an instant. He realised who the person was, and he did not believe those words for a second. Ona's eyes when he had looked upon him for the first time flashed through Naruto's head, and he almost snapped out of the strange state he was in, although his body was still immobile.

He managed to grunt incredulously in response and Ona chuckled at the sound.

"Now, now. Don't be like that."

"Like fucking what?" Naruto murmured and tried to turn around, but his body wouldn't obey him. Instead, an arm twitched and he flopped a little in a way that made him feel like a fish on dry land. It was humiliating.

A hand gripped his jaw and turned his head. Naruto looked up at the large man by the side of the bed. The flicker of fear had already gone away and been replaced by nothing but disdain and spite. Naruto grinned darkly at the so-called Daimyo - a title he really didn't deserve or should have - and mocked:

"So this is what you do with your slaves? Can't get any unless you drug people out of their damn minds first, you pathetic prick?"

Ona's smile faded. The slap was hard and would have hurt if Naruto hadn't been so numb. He laughed - a hoarse sound that he could barely recognise as his own.

"Laugh all you want", Ona said, voice cold and indifferent. "I already know about you and your so-called masters."

The laughter died in his throat and Naruto stared at Ona, mind blank. _He knew_? Naruto's blood ran cold.

"What did you do with them?" he mumbled.

"Oh, I have them. They're safe, for now."

Naruto's mind raced. Not because Sakura and Sai were incompetent and easily made victims, quite the opposite, but Ona had somehow managed to take him out of commission, so it wasn't impossible that they were in trouble, as well. Whatever that drug was, it sure did its job.

"Whaddya mean 'for now'?" Naruto slurred. He shook his head to try and clear it, but it was fruitless.

"It depends on if you give me the answers I want or not."

"Oh." Naruto grinned again. "Then you can stop right now, cus there's nothing to tell. My masters are who they say they are, and I am just me, you know."

He leered at Ona, who was frowning. He was fidgeting with something, turning it over in his hand and flicking his thumb at its edge. A tag. _Oh, right_. One of the sore spots in Naruto's neck was a chip. The realisation that Ona might literally hold his life in his hands hit him. It felt silly, being left to this human garbage's devices after everything he had been through.

"Are you sure about that?" Ona's voice was smooth and soft, but the way he kept turning and flicking the tag in his hand made Naruto think he was irritated, or perhaps worried.

"Pretty darn sure, yeah." Naruto exhaled and sunk a bit more into the mattress. "Fuck, I'm tired", he mumbled, trying to stay awake, but feeling weaker by the second.

Could it be? Was Ona draining his chakra with the tag? Naruto swallowed, opened his mouth, and drew a rattling breath.

 _Kurama…_?

There was still no answer and Naruto was gripped with fear at the thought of what the chakra inhibitive poisons and the chip could do to a being purely made of the stuff. He had believed Kurama too great to be affected by some random criminal's strange invention. He hoped he hadn't been wrong in that assumption, but the silence was concerning.

"Kurama, please…"

"Who?" Ona's frown deepened and Naruto realised he had spoken out loud.

In an attempt to cover it up he kept talking, slurring nonsense, hoping it might throw Ona off. Ona made an irritated sound and ran his thumb over the small piece of metal in his hands.

"I said _who_?"

It hadn't worked. Ona leaned over the bed and grabbed hold of Naruto's jaw again, shaking him.

"Who are you talking about? Is that Toreda's real name? Or your skulking helper? Speak, or I will give the order to have your accomplices killed."

Naruto fell silent and met Ona's gaze.

"Skulking… what?"

"I know there's one more of you, but don't worry about him. He's being taken care of as well." Ona grinned and Naruto's heart sank.

He had managed to get a hold of Sasuke? Naruto had figured he'd stall until Sasuke found him, but… he had no other trick to pull and Ona's patience was already spent.

"Fine", the larger man hissed as he pushed Naruto's head back into the mattress. He went for the door, ripped it open, and barked at the guard outside: "The intruders - kill them off and dispose of their bodies."

Fear surged through Naruto - if Sasuke, Sai and Sakura were as incapacitated as he was, then…

A loud, thundering _boom_ echoed through the palace, making the floor shake. The paintings fell off the walls and a mirror toppled over and came apart in a million pieces as it crashed on the floor.

" _SHANNAROOOOO_!"

The voice was distant but the power and anger behind it carried it all the way into the room. Another loud sound followed by tremors shook the walls once again. Naruto started laughing. What the hell happened to the importance of remaining undercover?

"Damn, you're in such deep shit now", he murmured, still chuckling.

Ona turned. He had gripped the door with both hands to hold himself steady, but now he slammed it shut and stomped towards the bed, pulling something out of his robe as he did.

Cold, sharp metal pressed into the skin on Naruto's throat, but he kept grinning regardless.

"They won't reach you in time", Ona wheezed at him. "You're all ninja? Konoha? How much do you know? Speak!"

Ona hadn't seemed unhinged to Naruto before, but now there was a hint of madness in his eyes. Why did he even bother with asking questions?

"I wouldn't wanna be here when she gets here", he said and to his surprise, Ona smirked.

"I do not fear ninja, pretty eyes. If that's the only type of answer I'll get from you, I will have to finish you. Damn pity, I would have enjoyed keeping you, but you leave me no choice."

Naruto's grin faded as Ona raised the blade and aimed. So this was how he'd die. Drugged and helpless, by this assholes hand. Naruto didn't close his eyes. He didn't accept it and he didn't give in, but his attempt to move yielded no effect. Kurama was not answering his calls, maybe he was already gone. He was out of options and this was it. Naruto couldn't believe it. Of all the ways to go… Ona swung the blade at his throat.

* * *

His skin ripping open sent a jolt of pain through Sasuke's body, but he couldn't care less. He tumbled from the bed with Ona in a firm grip, releasing it as soon as they hit the floor. Sasuke found his footing and bared his teeth at Ona as the larger man did the same, surprisingly fast for his size and occupation.

Sasuke grabbed his throbbing shoulder and felt warm blood seep through his fingers where the blade had cut him. Shit. He had been sloppy, but there had been no time. The vision of Ona about to slice Naruto's throat had given him no opportunity to think, only to act. Apparently, throwing himself in the way of danger was still his preferred way of protecting the idiot. Hot rage surged through him along with the pain, but the latter was easier to ignore.

Ona stared at Sasuke for a moment and then, to Sasuke's horror, Ona _smiled_.

"Sasuke-kun. So you've come home? You're the one who was sneaking around? Here I thought there was a fourth..."

Sasuke's katana was out and pointed right beneath Ona's chin before he finished. To his dismay, Ona closed his eyes as soon as Sasuke activated his Sharingan. He wasn't even sure why he activated it - he didn't really think he'd need it against a common criminal. It just happened.

"Sasu… ke?"

He looked over his shoulder and met Naruto's confused, dazed eyes. Sasuke's heart almost stopped. He had never seen Naruto like that before. He seemed completely lost - the shine in his eyes was gone and his skin looked lackluster and dry. His breath was rattling. Sasuke felt another surge of rage, pushed back the instinct to reach for Naruto, and turned back to Ona.

"You… know each other?" Ona seemed wary of that piece of information.

Sasuke didn't respond, he concentrated on keeping his katana steady. It was more difficult than usual due to the pain in his shoulder. He was angry - angry in a way he hadn't been for years.

"Sasuke… You jerk, what're you…"

"Shut up, Naruto", Sasuke hissed out of habit.

Ona opened his eyes and stared at Naruto in shock. Sasuke narrowed his eyes, unsure how he felt about Ona realising Naruto's identity. Then he shrugged it off. It didn't matter - this piece of shit would not live through the night. Sasuke charged - mind blank and the restraint he had shown the guards earlier far gone.

Ona made a string of hand signs and in an instant the room filled with a thick cloud of gas.

Sasuke's eyes widened in disbelief. The gas could only be one thing - poison. The poison was a jutsu? _Ona knew ninjutsu_?

A skeletal Susano'o was around Sasuke in an instant. He jumped backward and kneeled next to Naruto on the bed, making sure he was protected as well. Susano'o's shell prevented the gas from reaching them, and the purple flames almost seemed to burn it out of the air. Sasuke breathed out, relieved.

Ona turned and ran. Strangely, and luckily, the gas seemed to dissipate as soon as he left.

Sasuke gritted his teeth. He was not about to let Ona get away. The gas was already gone - as if it had followed Ona out of the room. Sasuke threw a look at Naruto to make sure he seemed alright before he followed the escaping Daimyo.

He caught up within seconds.

_Amaterasu._

Ona's scream could have chilled the bones of any man, but Sasuke relished in it. Eyes wide and a grin pulling at the edges of his mouth he watched as Ona desperately tried to swat away the flames from his hands, only to spread it on to his robes. Sasuke would gladly see this man burn. Burn until there was nothing left but a bad memory.

_… you do not deserve acceptance. Do not deserve him._

He didn't. He would never deserve Naruto. No matter how he tried because the things he had done could never be forgiven. Because no matter what, if something threatened Naruto's life - Sasuke would end theirs. End them like he would end Ona now. Without mercy or compassion. The flames licked the Daimyo's arms and shoulders, and Ona stared in disbelief at his own hands as the flesh started to melt off his fingers...

"Sasuke!"

Sasuke blinked, inhaled sharply, and was back to reality. The black flames were snuffed out instantly. Ona collapsed, unconscious, smoke rising in dark ringlets from his destroyed hands. His robes were burnt up to his shoulders and when he crumpled on the floor something fell out of the destroyed sleeve. Sasuke stared at the small piece of metal that once had been a tag. _No_ …

Breathing fast and with his heart hammering against his ribs Sasuke looked over his shoulder. Naruto was hanging off of the doorframe to the bedroom, fighting to stay upright.

The palace shook once again, tremors working their way up the walls and causing them to crack. Naruto lost his grip and fell. Sasuke moved without thinking, adrenaline high, and emotions running amok. He caught Naruto before he hit the floor.

Naruto slumped against him and grabbed Sasuke's arm for more support.

"Did you… Is he dead?" he mumbled into the fabric of Sasuke's cloak, and Sasuke went cold.

Naruto had seen it. The part of him that Sasuke never wanted to show around Naruto again. He hadn't thought about the possibility of Naruto forgiving him for leaving. He never planned on asking for it, either, but now, after Naruto had seen him almost kill a man, Sasuke knew that it would be impossible. It hit him that despite his vow to stay away and let Naruto live his life, the realisation that the door was now forever closed made his heart ache. He felt like he had trouble breathing.

"No", he whispered, but whether Ona was alive or not didn't change the fact that Naruto had seen Sasuke's intent. Seen that he had been more than ready to let Ona die. That he had _wanted_ to.

"Sasuke... "

"Yes?" His answer was breathless, despite his efforts to keep it leveled.

"The chip… _cut it out_."

Sasuke closed his eyes, the destroyed tag flowing into view in his mind.

"I can't. It's not that easy. It could kill you. We need Sakura."

"Just… do it", Naruto hissed through gritted teeth. "I can't… I feel…"

"I'll get you to Sakura. Hold on."

Sasuke stood, taking Naruto with him, and hoisted him up a little to try and help him stand. Naruto's face pressed against Sasuke's neck and he felt warm breath brush against his skin in irregular little puffs. Having Naruto so close was nostalgic and it… hurt. Sasuke closed his eyes, holding back the internal turmoil it caused. Naruto didn't seem to be able to stand and he was starting to slip from Sasuke's grip.

"Come on, hold onto me." Sasuke shook him slightly. "Naruto?"

Naruto hummed and pressed his face more into Sasuke's neck, which _wasn't helping_.

"Stay awake", Sasuke urged and tried to get a better grip, shaking him again, less careful this time.

"Sasuke… _Why_?"

"What?" Sasuke snapped, his patience wearing thin and his concern only growing.

"Why did you leave?"

Sasuke's heart almost stopped. He was at a complete loss for words, but apparently Naruto wasn't, despite his condition.

"I looked for you… I really wanted to see you again. I really wanted you to come back to me…" Naruto was slurring and his voice wasn't louder than a murmur.

Was he delirious?

"Sasuke! Naruto!"

Sasuke looked up. Sakura and Sai were approaching them fast from the other end of the hall. Sakura screeched to a stop right beside them and immediately put her fingers on Naruto's pulse.

"The chip - we have to get it out", Sasuke told her. "I… I think I might have destroyed the tag, and he seems worse than before."

"There's no time, we have to get out of here now. I'll get to the chip as soon as we're safe."

"Sakura might have gone a tad overboard", Sai explained, and as to support his claim a large crack broke up the floor between them. The pale man seemed unfazed by it.

Sakura frowned at Sai, looking a little embarrassed. "Whatever", she snarled and he smiled in response. "Sasuke, can you get us out?"

"Yes."

"Sai, get Ona -"

Sasuke cut her off: "The basement -"

"The patrons have already evacuated, most of the guards, too."

"That's not what I meant - there's a dungeon. It's where Ona keeps his ninja. They're locked up, they won't be able to get out."

"Fuck." She bit her lower lip and furrowed her brows. "Okay, let's get those two out of here, and then you'll come back, Sasuke. I'll have to take a look at Naruto, he really doesn't look good. Sai, head for the dungeon, make sure that no one else is still in here on the way."

"It's in the basement, west of the arena", Sasuke clarified.

Sai nodded once, turned, and ran. Sasuke had to admit he admired the dedication.

He drew a breath, hoisted Naruto up a bit more, and opened a portal. Sakura threw Ona over her shoulder and hauled him through it. Sasuke followed. The clearing where he and Naruto had met looked a lot like the night before. Sasuke wasn't sure why he had chosen this place, but it seemed safe and he carefully lowered Naruto onto the grass. When he let go he allowed his fingers brush against Naruto's cheek. Cursing his own weakness he curled the hand into a fist and started to get up to leave.

Naruto grabbed his wrist. Blue eyes, pale and almost like silver in the moonlight, met Sasuke's and he froze, not knowing what to do. He glanced over at Sakura, who was busy with assessing the damage to Ona's hands and checking his vitals. Sasuke looked back down at Naruto. Could he even see? His eyes looked so distant…

"Sasuke… Don't go."

_Shit._

He could see Sakura's back tense up in his peripheral view. How should he handle this situation? Naruto blinked slowly and the grip around Sasuke's wrist hardened.

"Don't leave me again."

Sasuke clenched his jaw and closed his eyes for a moment. There was no time for this, yet he couldn't force Naruto's hand off of him. Couldn't leave him when he looked at Sasuke like that, talked like that. This was exactly why he had left in secret. He let out a shaky breath and met Naruto's gaze. The sadness in those eyes made a wave of guilt flow through him. He couldn't… He…

"I won't", Sasuke whispered.

Naruto relaxed slightly.

"Promise me."

 _Fuck_. Sasuke closed his eyes again, hard, and had to press his other hand over them to try and push back the emotions that threatened to break through. This was not… This was bad. He looked down at Naruto again, defeated.

"I… promise. I will come back."

Naruto exhaled and made a content sound, almost like a sigh of relief. The grip around Sasuke's wrist loosened and he stood up slowly, allowing their fingers to touch for a moment before he let Naruto's hand fall.

Naruto managed a weak smile and then he closed his eyes. Sasuke stared at him, dumbfounded by what had just happened. He looked over at Sakura who smiled slightly and went to tend to Naruto.

"I'll take care of him", she said, voice soft, but then she turned to look at him. In her eyes were affection, but also a hint of a demand. "I'll see you later."

Sasuke turned and left, stepping out of the serene clearing and back into the crumbling palace. The contrast was painfully similar to himself, no longer calm and steadfast, but falling apart and losing the foundation he had built to be able to withstand any impact. He had worked on keeping the facade smooth and unaffected since he was a child.

With just a few words Naruto had completely decimated all of his defenses and made him promise not to leave again.

_I guess I'm going back to Konoha, after all._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was very nervous about posting this chapter. I hope it wasn't too much but everyone is different and react differently to these themes. 
> 
> The rapey undertones (overtones?) were always meant to be there - you'll learn why later - but burning Ona's hands like that came to me in the moment. I actually really hate Ona >.> And I created him! What do you think - was it too much to do that to him?


	10. Secrets and porposals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember that I said there would be 10 chapters? Yeah, no - there'll be 13.

Konoha's sixth Hokage had experienced a few overwhelming surprises in his life. Top three being surviving his own death, finding out that his childhood friend was still alive and that the legend of the Sage of the Six Path's held more truth than fiction (alien life being the most surprising part of it all).

This situation was not comparable to those, but he was still _very_ surprised.

Sasuke had been on the run for almost two years. No one had been able even to catch a glimpse of him, and he had made no show at approaching Konoha, or anyone, for that matter.

Learning that Naruto had been in contact with him was not that surprising in itself. That they had been involved in a romantic relationship didn't strike him as such either. Sasuke getting involved in Konoha-related matters was slightly perplexing, but that was just a small addition to what was _truly_ a surprise to Kakashi - that Sasuke had agreed to meet him.

Seeing the familiar silhouette standing out in the open, on the cliff where they had once prepared him for the chunin exams, felt surreal. That his back was turned away from Konoha was rather telling. Kakashi suppressed a sigh and sauntered over to his former student.

"This feels kind of nostalgic, huh?"

Sasuke didn't even look at him. "I chose the place because it is convenient, not out of sentimentality."

"I expected nothing else but allow an old man that sentimentality, at least."

Kakashi smiled. Sasuke snorted in response.

"I have to say I was surprised when Sakura told me that you wanted to meet me." Kakashi looked out over the cliff. The view was nothing special this way - just orange stone as long as the eyes could see.

"'Want' is a strong word for it", Sasuke said sourly.

"I take it we're not meeting because you suddenly felt the urge to reconnect with your old sensei, then." Kakashi squared his shoulders and inhaled the crisp, autumn air.

Sasuke didn't answer; he just stuck a hand into his cloak. It emerged with two small sheets of metal that he offered to Kakashi, who accepted them.

"The so-called 'tags', I presume?" He turned them in his hand and regarded them with equal parts wonder and disdain.

Sasuke hummed in response.

Kakashi sighed. "What demon would think of this?"

The question wasn't really directed at Sasuke, and the raven-haired youth said nothing, so Kakashi just stuffed the tags into his bag and put his hand back into his pocket.

"Sakura and Sai filled me in on what happened. I have to thank you for your contribution. It seems it would have ended badly if you hadn't intervened."

"That's putting it mildly", Sasuke muttered, and Kakashi nodded in agreement.

"You're right. It seems things got sort of out of hand."

Sasuke shifted a little. "How… is he?"

Kakashi glanced over at him. "Naruto? Or Attotekina Ona?"

Sasuke flinched at the mention of the latter, and Kakashi's eyes narrowed.

"What's your history with him?"

"What makes you think there's 'history'?" Sasuke growled.

Kakashi hummed thoughtfully. "Well, let's see." He held up a hand and started folding his fingers as he counted the reasons he could think of. "Your extensive knowledge about the chips and the tags. Your knowledge about where things existed in the palace - like exactly where the dungeons were although they, according to Sai, were very well hidden. That Ona knows who you are and -" Kakashi looked over at Sasuke and caught his gaze. "- that scar on the back of your neck."

Sasuke reached up and grabbed the exact spot Kakashi had mentioned. If his hand hadn't betrayed him, his eyes still would have - he was clearly taken aback by the things his former sensei had said.

"How did you -"

"I might not have the Sharingan anymore, but there's nothing wrong with my eyesight. Did you grow your hair out to hide it? I'm afraid the way it grows at the back of your head prevents that from happening anytime soon."

Sasuke looked away, hand still covering the scar.

"Also -" Kakashi added slowly, watching the younger man as he spoke. "- I think this is the first time I have heard about you almost burning a man to death. There have been no mentions or even whispers about Amaterasu being used at all for the last two years."

"Like I would leave that type of evidence behind."

"Perhaps not." Kakashi didn't press on about it, but he knew full well that if anyone had seen even a hint of the black flames, the rumour would have spread, well, like fire. "Either way, that does not explain the other things I mentioned. Sasuke… What happened to you?"

The Uchiha scowled and looked away. "I didn't come here to discuss whatever predicaments I have found myself in during the last two years."

"I'd say this particular predicament is tightly related to the reason you're here at all."

Sasuke made an irritated sound. "Damn it, Kakashi, this is none of your business."

"I thought you came to discuss this case with me", Kakashi answered. "If you have changed your mind, just say the word."

He kept his gaze on Sasuke. Kakashi had no intention of letting his former student just walk away, but he also knew he had no chance of stopping him if he decided to do so. All his hope rested on Sakura's assurance that Sasuke would never harm a Konoha nin again, thanks to some promise he made to Naruto. He had honored it so far, and Kakashi just had to try and trust that he would now as well.

"I have not changed my mind", Sasuke affirmed with a sigh. "I learned a few details about the Coliseum from someone I have been working with."

Kakashi blinked. "Really? And who might that be?"

Sasuke side-eyed him and was clearly looking for his reaction when he spoke again. "Jihibukai Kira."

Kakashi went cold. Jihibukai Kira was renowned - as someone who liked to take the law into his own hands. Had he been situated in Fire Country, Kakashi would have acted to have him removed long ago, but he was Iwa's problem - and Onoki didn't seem to view him as one.

"Another dead criminal is another dead criminal. Plus, he keeps down the amount of crime just by existing", the stubborn old fence-sitter had said when Kakashi had approached him about Kira. Sasuke had been doing that guy's dirty work?

"How long?" Kakashi asked, unable to conceal the ice in his voice.

Sasuke kept meeting Kakashi's gaze without wavering. "I met him just a few weeks after the war."

"How?"

"Does it matter? We met. I liked his ideals. I joined forces with him."

Sasuke joining someone else's gang sounded absurd. Sure, he had briefly been a part of the Akatsuki, but this was something else entirely.

"His ideals? Killing criminals instead of bringing them to justice?" Kakashi growled.

A fire went off in Sasuke's eyes. "I didn't do _that_."

Somehow that caused Kakashi even more concern. "Then what _did you do_?"

"I only took down rouge ninja listed in the Bingo Books."

Kakashi blinked. _Oh_. _But then…?_ He narrowed his eyes.

"Then what were you doing going after Ona?"

Sasuke looked away, but not before Kakashi managed to register some sort of concern, almost sadness, in his eyes.

"I… heard about the Coliseum. I told Kira I wanted to check it out, and he provided me with what intel he had at the time. He had looked into it but never been able to figure it out."

"But you figured some of it out?" Kakashi tried.

Sasuke nodded and said grimly: "Unfortunately."

Kakashi's mind darkened. There was no doubt that whatever Sasuke had learned, he had learned the hard way. He had feared as much.

"For how long did Ona hold you captive?"

"Almost nine weeks."

Kakashi sighed and looked away, brows furrowed. To think that that asshole had managed to get a hold of both Naruto and Sasuke. That jutsu of his sure was an insanely dangerous weapon. At least Ona would never perform it again. Kakashi had visited him in the hospital. The Daimyo had been guarded by four ANBU even though his arms had been unsalvageable - they had both been amputated. Kakashi couldn't help but feel a morbid sense of satisfaction at that.

Getting information out of the man had proved challenging, but at least Ona's fierce cursing of Uchiha Sasuke had been a hint of them being acquainted somehow. Ibiki would get to do the rest.

"How did you get away?" he asked Sasuke, voice low.

"I outsmarted him." His tone told Kakashi that was all he'd get on that particular subject.

"What about the chip?"

"I took a dumb risk. If it hadn't been for Kira… Well, that would have been it."

Kakashi couldn't help the sudden surge of gratefulness he felt. _Jihibukai Kira, huh_. He inhaled deeply and looked up at the clouds.

"I can truly understand now why Ona incited such rage in you."

Sasuke scoffed but said nothing, so Kakashi continued, softly:

"Or had the flames nothing to do with your imprisonment and near-death experience? Was that all for Naruto?"

Sasuke's reaction surprised him - the young man's shoulders both slumped and tensed, he lowered his head slightly and drew a trembling breath.

"I… Shouldn't have done that. I haven't… _I don't kill anymore_."

Kakashi stared at his old protege, slightly disbelieving. Perhaps not at the vow in itself - but at Sasuke's reaction to having almost killed someone again. The action clearly pained him. Guilt emanated from his entire being, and Kakashi had never seen Sasuke express that particular emotion before. He sighed and looked out over the stony landscape.

"If it's any consolation - I would have probably done the same thing."

"It's not the same."

Kakashi looked over at his former student, frowning. Sasuke met his gaze, and apparently he noticed the question in Kakashi's eyes.

"You would have been there as a Konoha ninja, on a mission, and with the jurisdiction to handle it however you chose to, being who you are." Sasuke's pain and guilt seemed to have melted away and been replaced by determination and bitterness. "I am a rogue. I had no right to be there or do anything that I did. Least of all kill a person, criminal or not."

Kakashi blinked. Sasuke wasn't wrong, but it surprised him that he'd see it that way.

Sasuke pressed on. "There's a difference between the people you have killed and the people I have killed. One of them is that you did it in the line of duty and to protect the village. I did it to protect others at times - but also because I wanted to. No matter how much blood there is on your hands, Kakashi, I doubt that you ever really wanted to take a life. I did."

Kakashi kept his eyes locked on Sasuke's face, brows furrowed and a feeling of dread looming over him. Sasuke looked unfazed, his face a blank mask.

"I do believe that removing some of the scum from the world might protect innocents down the line", Sasuke said, and Kakashi blinked again. "But I would lie if I said that was the only reason. I have killed out of convenience, not only because I thought it was necessary."

Kakashi inhaled slowly, steeling himself for whatever answer his next question might bring.

"When was the last time you took a life?"

"Eleven months ago", Sasuke answered, sounding grim.

Kakashi regarded him for a moment. "Who were they?"

"The same as the others. A rogue nin from some Bingo Book."

Kakashi shrugged, his mind made up. "Well, as far as I'm concerned, you might as well have done it in the line of duty."

Sasuke's features switched from blank to some sort of irritated frustration. "What?"

"You didn't take down anyone who was not already supposed to die. They were in a Bingo Book for a reason, and they had already been judged. You did Konoha a service, so I will consider it as such."

Sasuke stared at him in disbelief, almost disapproval.

"How anyone ever thought it was a good idea to make you a kage is beyond me", he muttered, and Kakashi couldn't help it - he laughed.

"Maa, Sasuke-kun, I am doing my best here." He glanced back at the younger man, who still looked pissed off. "So. What happens now?"

Sasuke's frown deepened. "Isn't that up to you?"

"Hmmm… I guess it is." The Sixth Hokage smiled at his once cute little genin. "Well. You did us a great favour aiding the capture of Ona and the disruption of his operation. And of course in saving our jinchuriki, not to mention the hero of the Fourth Ninja War. Even the council and other nations will be able to see the value of your efforts."

Sasuke snorted. "I doubt it."

"Maa, give me a chance to at least talk to them." Kakashi's smile faded. "However - there is always the possibility that the council will say no to my proposal."

"What proposal?" Suspicion practically oozed from the young man.

Kakashi smirked. "That you keep doing what you have done, but this time as an undercover ninja of Konoha."

Silence.

"You really have lost your mind, Kakashi."

"On the contrary, I believe it's one of my best ideas yet." Kakashi smiled wider. Sasuke frowned. Kakashi started to see a pattern here, one he knew all too well. He chuckled a little. "Look. This is my decision, like you said, but it will have to be approved by the council. I'm not going to risk them saying no and ordering your arrest, though."

"You might as well arrest me right now."

"I won't." Kakashi turned and walked towards the edge of the cliff facing Konoha - Sasuke followed, although reluctantly. "I will assign you this mission right now. You will leave at your earliest convenience. Let me know when you leave, and I will tell the council. A day later, or so."

He looked back over at the disbelieving Uchiha.

"You are serious?" Sasuke almost looked offended.

"I am. All you have to do is accept it. I'll take care of the rest."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "And what happens when they turn you down?"

"If they do initially, they will at least have to change their minds once you have succeeded with the overall goal of this."

Sasuke looked suspicious. "Which is?"

"To completely crush the Coliseum and break this trafficking operation apart until there is nothing left." Kakashi did not miss the way Sasuke's dark eyes lit up. "You'll be working alone initially, and have full jurisdiction over how you handle things. The only rule here is not to harm any innocents or kill anyone who is not already in a Bingo Book. If you require back-up, let me know and Konoha will send aid." He paused and watched as the light in the dark eyes shone even brighter. "Well, Sasuke. Do you accept?"

Sasuke didn't answer at once - he was quiet and seemed to think it over. Kakashi waited without breaking their eye-contact. A part of him felt like Sasuke was more surprised than actually needing time to contemplate.

"I'll do it."

Kakashi smiled from the heart. "Excellent. Naruto and Sakura will be thrilled to know you've accepted." Sasuke flinched. "And you, know - that you'll finally be coming back home."

"That's not part of the mission." Sasuke looked away. "I don't belong here anymore… Or with them."

Kakashi thought about the other promise Sakura had mentioned. Was Sasuke not going to honour that? Maybe that wasn't so surprising, although Sakura had seemed to believe he had been sincere. Her only concern had been whether Naruto would acknowledge the things he had said in his drugged state. Kakashi sighed and turned his gaze to the sky.

"Sasuke, don't let your guilt stop you from moving forward. Take it from someone who knows what that's like. If you want redemption, if you want to move past it, then you have to let it go, be better, and let the people who care about you in."

Sasuke looked in the direction of Konoha, looking almost sullen. He seemed to let the words sink in. He closed his eyes, and when he answered, his voice sounded small.

"I don't… know how."

Kakashi smiled at him. "The only way to learn is to try."

"Thank you, _sensei_ , for those words of wisdom", Sasuke drawled, and Kakashi chuckled.

"Was that a joke? Really?"

Sasuke didn't answer; he just sent the kage a _look_ before he turned his gaze back to Konoha. Kakashi watched him as thedark eyes turned from irritated to concerned. Kakashi cleared his throat and said, softly:

"He's fine."

Sasuke glanced over at him, brows still drawn together in a worried frown, but he nodded once.

"Thank you."

Kakashi stretched his back and squared his shoulders. "You know… He told me he got great help from Sakura after you left."

"You talked to him about that?" Sasuke's tone of voice was hard to read. Concern, regret, some bashfulness, maybe?

"Mhm. Earlier today. We spoke for quite a while. Many things that have confused me fell into place."

"Like what?"

Kakashi shrugged. "I'll let the two of you have that conversation. I did not bring him up because of whatever happened between the two of you. That is for you to sort out."

"There is nothing to sort out", Sasuke said, sounding final.

"If you say so", Kakashi said lightly, but he ground his teeth - what a stubborn kid he was. "Since you're not ready to speak with him, maybe you should try speaking with _her_. She has been working on a new type of non-physical therapy."

"Non-physical?" Sasuke sounded incredulous, and he watched Kakashi as if he had lost his mind. Again. Kakashi started to get used to that look.

"Yes. Instead of healing the body, it's supposed to heal the mind." Kakashi lowered his gaze for a moment as he thought back on Sakura's new practice. "It… does help. Eventually."

" _You_ were her guinea-pig?" Sasuke asked in disbelief.

"Oh, not just me. It turns out Sakura knows her fair share of troubled minds to practice on."

Kakashi smiled. Sasuke snorted. _Goddamnit, what an annoyingly familiar pattern_.

"She already mentioned that to me, she just worded it differently", Sasuke said in a low voice. Then he scoffed. "I do not require 'healing of the mind', whatever that means."

"Oh, of course not, _avenger_."

Sasuke flinched. Kakashi had said everything he wanted to say. He turned and started to walk away from the confused and annoyed young man who had once been his student. He sighed deeply, thinking about the orphaned Uchiha Sasuke, twelve years old, and already planning to kill someone. From there, things only got worse - so much worse - before they got better. At least now, maybe there was a chance for him to live a better life - if he accepted some help and support.

"He should be discharged soon", Kakashi said as he walked away. "Just remember to alert me - _at your earliest convenience_."

* * *

Naruto was done with being fussed over. That his friends came to see him was one thing. Most of them were in good spirits and heckled him for getting into trouble as soon as they saw that he was fine. Sakura and Granny Tsunade were a little much. Especially since they both just kept popping in to tell him the exact same things - it was as if they were secretly the same person. Finally, he snapped and roared at Tsunade that Sakura had told him about his chakra level just five minutes earlier and that they should talk to each other before they came to pester him about stuff.

At least he could understand the two of them and tolerate their concern - what was annoying was the steady stream of nurses who came to check up on him. Most of them hid partly behind their clipboards to hide their flushed cheeks and came with weak apologies like just wanting to check his heart rate or see if he'd want them to bring him something. Some even brought gifts which he reluctantly accepted, unable to turn them down. Soon the bed table was overcrowded with get-well cards, flowers, small figurines of frogs and foxes, pictures of girls he didn't even know, a fruit basket, and even a letter of proposal that he hid in the basket in embarrassment. The nurse had even brought her _father,_ and it had been such an awkward experience that Naruto felt queasy just thinking about it. In his flustered state, he had spouted some nonsense about 'needing some time to think' just to have them leave.

He hadn't been hospitalised at all since the war, and apparently the staff took their chance now that he was. When Sakura learned that he had barely gotten ten minutes alone in his room since he woke up, she gave the nurses an earful about disturbing her patient, forbade them from doing it again, and took care of everything herself from that moment on.

It got calmer after that, and Naruto was thankful. The type of attention the nurses had bestowed on him had been unsettling. The affection and hopefulness they radiated made him uncomfortable, and very unsure about how to handle it. A year ago, he might have been oblivious about what was going on (except for the proposal, that was pretty clear), but something had clicked in him after Sakura had brought the matter of his popularity to his attention.

Well, he'd have to get used to it, he figured. At least as long as he was single. The thought made him curl his hands into the sheets. Even when he had been in a relationship, it had been such a secret that no one had known. Thinking back, he realised that people were just as obtrusive then - he just hadn't seen it. He sighed, leaning back into the pillows.

Kakashi-sensei had asked him a lot of questions about Sasuke and what had been going on between them since the war. It had edged on too personal for Naruto's taste, but he had answered truthfully nonetheless. The secret was out. Well, not _out_ \- Naruto was sure it wouldn't reach anyone other than those he had chosen to tell. So far, only Sakura, Sai, and Kakashi knew. Naruto had yet to talk to Iruka-sensei about any of it. He had visited him in the hospital along with everyone else, and Naruto was not about to tell _all_ of them about Sasuke. Iruka-sensei, though - he deserved to hear the truth. Naruto should have told him long ago, but every time he tried to think about what to say, it just sounded so silly and not at all like a viable excuse to stop attending the lessons Iruka-sensei so generously offered him.

Naruto still felt guilty about that. Now though, after finally having met Sasuke again, talked to him - _fought_ with him - and not gotten anywhere, Naruto felt ready to leave his futile quest to get Sasuke back behind him. It was not going to happen. Sasuke had made that clear with his cold demeanor and indifferent response to when Naruto _poured his damn heart out_. At least it had taken a weight off of Naruto's shoulders. He felt as if he might actually be able to let go this time.

Sakura had told him that Sasuke was the one who saved him. That he had jumped in and taken the blunt of Ona's blade. She had looked at Naruto with such intensity when she had told him, as if she wanted him to read more into it than there was. He had just shaken his head at what she said, both because he didn't believe what she was implying, but also because he didn't remember any of it. His memory was fuzzy from the moment he had stepped back into that small room where the guards had tried to serve him food. What happened after that was almost completely erased from his mind. It made him feel utterly helpless and confused.

"Sometimes it comes back", Sakura had assured him. "It just takes some time."

He had sighed and looked away from her. "Would I want to remember, though? It sounds kinda shitty."

She looked down, wringing her hands. "Yeah, yeah, it was."

He remembered something at least; a loud crash and a familiar battlecry. He had grinned when he told her. She had blushed and muttered under her breath that it was necessary.

"Why, though? You were the one who said we had to remain undercover, that it was really important, and all that."

"Yeah, well…" She had hesitated for a moment, chewing on her bottom lip with her eyebrows drawn together in a worried wrinkle. "I heard the guards talk while they were taking Sai and me away. About one of Ona's _habits,_ he sometimes, er, _entertained_ once he got hold of ninja he liked better than others."

Naruto had stared at her, cold to the bone, as another memory flickered through his head. He had winced, and she had reached out to take his hand.

"They mentioned that he had taken 'quite the liking' to you, and I - snapped."

"Oh", he had breathed, not sure what else to say.

"Yeah… I kind of went a little overboard. I just couldn't pretend like nothing after having seen how helpless that drug had rendered you. I knew Sasuke was out there, of course, but… Yeah, I just snapped."

She had smiled weakly, a little embarrassed, with that endearing look in her eyes. Naruto had pulled her into a hug, still not knowing what to say. She had hugged him back, and when they parted, she had dried her eyes quickly.

Naruto's eyes burned a little at the memory. Her concern was still touching, even though he should be used to it by now. What had he done to deserve her as a friend? He had failed at the promise he had made for her sake when they were kids. He had deceived her and gone behind her back for an entire year. Despite that, she had forgiven him, helped him after Sasuke left him, and kept having his back through everything. He owed her, that's what he felt like, although he knew she didn't feel the same way.

A knock on the door pulled him out of his thoughts. There she was, in the doorway, smiling and waving her clipboard a little as she approached.

"It's all done. You're being discharged!"

"Really? Yes, finally, I can't wait to -"

"If you say 'have ramen' I'll keep you here for another day", she interrupted sternly, her smile gone. "You are to go home and eat something that can restore your stamina, okay? Not eat out, not socialise - nothing. You need more rest. I'm discharging you because I believe you'll feel better if you get to do that at home - away from all the prying eyes around here. Pick something up on the way if you must - but _not ramen_ , you hear me?"

"Yes, ma'am", he muttered in response, and her cheery smile was back in full effect.

Gathering up all the gifts was a chore, but he couldn't just leave them. Sakura offered to get rid of them, but he declined. It just didn't feel right to toss things that people had put effort into. Plus, he felt like he had to leave some sort of proper response to the whole proposal thing. She got him a bag and told him that she had brought him clean clothes and placed them in the wardrobe.

"You can have a shower before you change if you want. There are towels in the wardrobe as well. I have to go check on my other patient's, but I'll drop by your place tomorrow, okay?"

He smiled and nodded. "Yeah, thanks, Sakura. See you then!"

She gave a little wave as she left. He got into the shower, thankful that she had put him in a room with its own bathroom. He didn't think that was a coincidence. Being able to go home so soon was also much appreciated. _Another thing to be thankful for_ , he thought as he slipped into the familiar orange pants and a black t-shirt that proved to be one he mainly lounged around in at home. It was at least one size too large. Sakura had probably dropped by his place and grabbed whatever shirt was closest, and he was well aware that the closet was a _mess_.

He pulled his black jacket on and packed the clothes he had worn at the mission into his bag, quite happy about getting rid of the dull, grey tones. As he passed a mirror on his way out of the hospital, he realised that another dull tone seemed to be bidding him goodbye as well; the hair colour. One thorough shower and quite a lot had washed out. Two or three more, and he'd probably be back to himself again. It looked quite horrible at the moment, though, and despite not seeing himself as vain, Naruto couldn't help to make a face at his reflection. A quick look around told him that he was alone, so he made a hand sign and used henge to change his hair into its original colour.

In hindsight, he was glad that Sakura had talked him into colouring it - if he had used henge during the mission it would have released as soon as he lost his consciousness. She had been right to put her foot down back then, but for this, it would serve its purpose - and he wouldn't have to walk around being a greyish-brown-blond mess for several days.

Finally feeling like himself, he trotted out of the hospital and walked out into the sunlight. The air was rather crisp, and he inhaled deeply - only to wince a little as the brothy smell of ramen reached his nose. Despite the way all of his inner self fought against it, he turned and walked the opposite direction. He had promised Sakura to get something more nourishing.

One extra bag in hand containing a box of stew and vegetables, he was finally outside his apartment. Trying to balance the fruit basket, the bags, and his keys turned out to be a bit of a challenge, but he finally got the key in. He turned it and managed to nudge the door open with his foot, letting out a triumphant, drawn-out _yes_ under his breath as he flung the door open. He stepped inside and pulled the door with him, kicking off his shoes at the same time.

"Naruto."

He stumbled, tripping over the edge between the hall and the living room, and felt his grip on the things he was carrying slipping. In the split second he had to decide whether to save the hot food or the fruit basket he chose the food - and the basket flew out from where it had been tucked under his arm. Fruit tumbled around him in a cascade of different colours and shapes, rolling over the floor to every corner of the room.

"Fucking hell! Shit…"

He had saved himself from falling flat and from ruining his dinner, but this was still a huge mess. He glared at the culprit and snarled:

"What are _you_ doing here?"

Sasuke folded his arms and muttered: "I didn't mean to startle you."

"Good job you did at that, moron", Naruto hissed in response, still on edge and annoyed. What in the world was he doing here?

"I'll… help clean it up." Sasuke kneeled and started to awkwardly collect some of the fallen fruit. "Sorry, I -" He trailed off, suddenly still.

Naruto went cold when he realised why. "Not that! Not… Don't touch that."

He stared at the piece of paper in Sasuke's hand. It had been rolled up and tucked safely into the basket, but now it was open. Sasuke's face was blank, and his eyes unmoving, but clearly he had seen enough. Naruto could die of embarrassment. He snapped the letter of proposal away from Sasuke, who didn't try to stop him.

"I'm sorry", he said stiffly, and Naruto wanted to sink through the floor.

"It's not… It's not like I'm going to accept or anything, you know."

What the _fuck_ was he saying? Why was he trying to explain himself to Sasuke as if he had done something wrong? His heart was pounding in his chest, and he realised the letter was getting splotchy due to being held by his sweaty hand. _Why was it sweating so much_? His face was burning up, and he was well aware that he must be beet red by now. He was still holding the food and the bag of other gifts - the thought of the latter made him even more embarrassed - otherwise, he would have facepalmed himself over how fucking stupid this was.

"I see", was all Sasuke said, and Naruto suddenly wanted to facepalm _him_ as well, although preferably with his _fist_.

He walked past Sasuke, practically stomping his way into the kitchen. After placing the bags on the counter and tossing the letter on the kitchen table, he hid his face in his hands, forcing back a groan. Sighing, he removed the hands and glanced over his shoulder. Sasuke had started collecting the fruit again and was carefully placing them back into the basket in silence.

Naruto turned and put his back against the countertop. "What are you doing here?"

Sasuke froze as he reached for another apple. "I… You made me promise to come back."

"What?"

Sasuke got up slowly and turned to meet his eyes. "You made me promise to come back."

"I _heard_ , just… What? When?" Naruto felt lost.

"In the clearing…" Sasuke trailed off, and a frown appeared on his face. Naruto knew that particular look - Sasuke was unsure and apprehensive.

"I'm sorry", he said, reaching up to scratch at the back of his head. He found it hard to meet Sasuke's eyes, so he looked down at the floor. "I don't remember much. Like, almost nothing at all."

"I see."

"What did I say?" Naruto met his eyes again.

Sasuke hesitated. "Just…" He sighed and looked away. "You wouldn't let go of me unless I promised to come back. And not leave again."

If Naruto had wanted to disappear before it was nothing compared to now. He groaned and buried his face in his hands again.

"Holy shit. Ugh, damn it, I'm so sorry. I had no idea even who I _was_ at the time, you know." Then the realisation hit, and he snapped back up to stare at Sasuke. "Wait - you're here because of that?"

Sasuke shifted a little, and it looked almost as if he had been about to take a step back. Naruto stared at him in disbelief. What the fuck was going on? This was so confusing. His heartbeat sped up again, and he almost felt weak. Sakura had mentioned that he might be feeling faint for a while since he had been so close to complete chakra exhaustion, but he didn't think this was related to that. He had Kurama after all, and the fox had reluctantly given Naruto a response earlier when he had checked to see that the bijuu was okay. He seemed unhurt, apart from his pride that probably had taken quite the hit.

No, the chakra exhaustion was not the cause for him feeling weak in the knees.

"Sasuke. Why would you go along with that?"

Sasuke stood like a statue before him, and his inability to do something just made Naruto feel even worse. What was this sensation? Guilt? Confusion?

_Hope_?

No, this could not be happening, not when he had finally come to terms with it. Not when he finally had felt like he was ready to let go and move on. He felt short of breath, and he could feel every heartbeat sending tremors throughout his entire body.

_Calm down, kid, you're going to pass out._

_Shut up, idiot fox._

But Kurama was right, and with his back firmly pressed against the side of the kitchen counter, Naruto sagged to the floor and blacked out.

* * *

Naruto had not expected to see him. At all. Sasuke would have left already if not for Naruto's sudden collapse.

"Naruto." He tapped his cheek. When that rendered no reaction, he shook Naruto slightly to the same lack of effect.

Sasuke sighed, frowned, and got up to get some water. He wet his hand and resumed to splash a few drops on Naruto's face. He awoke with a small wince and a low groan. Sasuke kneeled beside him and grabbed his arm to keep him steady as he came back to reality.

"Shit… Did I pass out?" He let out another groan and wavered, so Sasuke grabbed his other arm as well.

"How are you feeling?"

Naruto pressed a palm to his forehead and closed his eyes again. "Weak? Weird? I don't know what happened."

Sasuke regarded him carefully, his concern almost burning a hole through his gut. "It's like that… For a while. It takes time for the chakra veins to heal fully." He sighed. "If ever."

Naruto's eyes seemed to come alive, and he looked at Sasuke, a small wrinkle appearing between his brows.

"What do you mean? How do you know that?"

Sasuke let out a puff of air and frowned. _Shit_. Well, Kakashi had told him to 'try', and he might as well do that.

"Because I've been where you are now."

"What?" Naruto still seemed confused.

Sasuke clenched his jaw and steeled himself. "I'm saying that the reason I know stuff about the trafficking and fighting ring is that I was a part of it once. Involuntary."

Naruto's eyes widened. "What the fuck are you saying?" he whispered. "When?"

Sasuke closed his eyes before he answered. "The first winter after the war."

Naruto's eyes narrowed. "For how long?"

"Almost nine weeks."

"Nine…" A sudden realisation seemed to dawn on the blond, and he grabbed Sasuke's arms, hard. "That's why I didn't hear from you? Why didn't you _tell me_? You came here for the first time after you got free, right? I asked you _several times_ if something had happened and you just… _Damn it_ , Sasuke, you _idiot_ , why wouldn't you _tell me_?"

His voice rose near the end, and Sasuke tried to pull back, but Naruto held him in place. In the matter of pure muscle strength, Sasuke was at a clear disadvantage. Instead of pulling away, he turned his face down and lowered his head.

"I didn't want to… concern you."

"You absolute jerk. I _loved_ you, and you wouldn't even tell me when shit like that happened to you? What the fuck, Sasuke." Naruto let go of his arms, disapproval, and disappointment written across his face.

' _Loved'_.

What a fool he had been, who came here because Naruto asked him to while he was _high as a damn kite._ He tried to focus on keeping his breathing steady as the embarrassment and suffocating disappointment wreaked havoc within him. _Idiot_. At least he had been able to tell Naruto some of the truth now. He deserved that much. To be fair, he deserved to know the whole truth, although Sasuke felt like that might be too much. It would be presumptuous of him to force Naruto to listen to him now.

"I shouldn't have come. I'm sorry." He got up, turned, and went for the door, even more embarrassed now by the fact that he had left his shoes, gear, and cloak in the hall as if he had come to stay.

"Wait."

He stopped.

"Just… You can't drop a bomb like that on me and just _leave_. I get that's your style and everything, but can't you at least act like a functional human being for a moment and stay? Tell me what happened."

Sasuke looked over his shoulder. Naruto had gotten to his feet, his back against the counter. He grabbed the countertop so hard his knuckles were white, and he was clearly still exhausted and dizzy.

"You should lay down", he said in a low voice as Naruto swayed where he stood.

"How about we both _sit_ down, and you tell me what's been going on? Like _you should have done_ ages ago."

Sasuke couldn't argue with that statement, and clearly Naruto still wanted to know. He nodded in agreement. Naruto exhaled and sent him a weak smile.

"Great." He motioned in the direction of the living room. "Couch. Come on."

The couch was new to Sasuke, and he was thankful for it. He'd rather not sit across from Naruto while talking about this. Sitting next to each other would give him more leeway in terms of looking anywhere else but directly at him. Sasuke turned towards the couch.

"Um, could you just… Give me a hand?"

He froze in his step and looked over at Naruto, who still held onto the countertop for dear life. He looked away from Sasuke with a somewhat sullen look on his face - it was clear that he wasn't happy about having to ask for help. Sasuke sighed and went to him.

"You really should lay down if you're not even able to walk by yourself", he muttered as he offered Naruto his hand.

Naruto grabbed him, and Sasuke pulled him closer to put his arm around his waist in trepidation. How could something feel so wrong and so right at the same time? Naruto grinned sheepishly at him, clearly embarrassed, but that was nothing compared to how Sasuke felt as he led Naruto to the couch. What a messed up situation this had become.

"I didn't think I was this messed up", Naruto muttered. "But you were right, something's really… _off_ , you know."

Sasuke nodded. "You got the damn thing removed correctly, at least. You'll be fine, eventually."

He let go of Naruto as he sat down and experienced an immediate feeling of loss. He had wanted to keep him close for a while longer. Sasuke berated himself internally for even thinking about it. Naruto just wanted to know the truth, and Sasuke was already trembling at the mere thought of telling him.

Securely placed on the couch, Naruto sighed and slapped the seat next to him. "Okay. Talk to me."

Sasuke sat down in silence, unsure about how to start. These past two years were not something he never wanted Naruto to know about, although he could sort of understand what an unfair notion that was. Being with someone and keeping a large part of your life a secret was tiring for both parties, he knew that now. Naruto had been hurt by it far more than Sasuke had realised back then, he had made that clear when they met just a few nights prior.

_Do you understand what that did to me? What you did to me? Do you even fucking care?_

Sasuke leaned back into the couch and pinched the bridge of his nose. This was going to suck.


	11. Benefactor and proprietor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm late, I know, I'm sorry but life got in the way ;_;

Jihibukai Kira was a strange man. Handsome and elegant, well put-together and very confident, without being obnoxious, which Sasuke appreciated. He dressed nice, in no way over the top, and his light brown hair fell freely down his back, as if he couldn't be bothered to tie it back. It only made him seem more approachable. He was wealthy and influential, well liked, even, if the rumours were to be believed, but his acts behind the scenes were equally renowned. Yet, he was still able to keep doing what he was doing, simply because there was never anything that directly tied him to the crimes he committed. Because at the end of the day they were crimes - whether they were made for the greater good or not.

That the Tsuchikage chose to actively look the other way probably helped too.

Sasuke regarded Kira with apprehension. He himself was a rogue and a criminal, yet Kira had reached out to him.

"I heard about your actions during the war", Kira began, voice even and smooth, without any trace of deception as far as Sasuke could discern. "It didn't really sound to me as if you were trying to harm the world, quite the opposite."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "Really? Not even the part where I threatened to kill off the bijuu and a war hero?"

Kira shrugged. "The bijuu are… problematic. Their existence in itself creates an uneven balance in the world, one I myself deem rather unfair. I can't say I didn't feel a hint of disappointment by the fact that you let them go, although if I've understood it correctly, you did it for your friend - the 'war hero' as you so eloquently put it."

The only 'eloquent' person in the room was Kira. Damn, his way of talking was annoying.

"So what of it?" Sasuke asked, hoping for a quick end to this conversation.

He was starting to forget why he had even accepted Kira's invitation, but he had to admit he was curious about where Kira had heard that Sasuke had changed his mind because of Naruto. Then again, Kira had already done something no one else had managed to do so far - he had tracked Sasuke down. Maybe it was easier to just accept that Jihibukai Kira was a man who _knew_ stuff.

Kira smiled as he poured two glasses of some kind of booze by a small table next to the impressive desk in his study. He offered Sasuke one, but he declined.

"A careful man. I can appreciate that." He put the cup he had offered back on the side table.

Sasuke stared at him, already annoyed. "Get to the point. Why am I here?"

"Also an impatient man, duly noted." Kira smiled wider and bowed his neck slightly. When he looked back up his smile was gone and he looked serious. "The elemental nations are mobilising against you, Uchiha Sasuke. All of their eyes are on you. You are deemed the greatest threat to exist in the world at the moment, and few are willing to give you a chance to act freely in any way or form."

Sasuke snorted. "Are you trying to scare me?"

"No, I am merely informing you about the current state you are in."

"Let me guess - you want to help me through this difficult situation?" Sasuke drawled.

Kira sent him a half-smile. "I don't believe in helping without receiving."

"No shit."

"Listen, Sasuke." Kira raised both his eyebrows in a disarming way. "I do not intend to try and control or manipulate you, neither do I believe I could if I were to try. I contacted you because you are amongst the strongest ninja of our time - perhaps ever - and that makes you invaluable. You have also displayed a sense of justice that I quite admire."

"My 'sense of justice'?", Sasuke muttered.

"You are the one who has been taking down rogue ninja across the border, are you not?"

Sasuke frowned. "What of it?"

Kira seemed to take that as a 'yes'. "Have you been able to collect those bounties?"

Sasuke remained quiet. He had not been able to collect any bounties. That sort of contact would be far too compromising and would in time without a doubt lead to one or more of the hidden village's sending ninja to apprehend him at an extradition point. He was not about to risk that.

"Listen, Sasuke. I do not wish to command you in any way, I am merely saying that I can provide you with the means to do what you are already doing more efficiently. Bring me the bodies, and I will extract the bounty and forward the payment to you. You may also stay here and use my home as a place to recuperate in between your hunts. I am asking nothing else from you, only that you bring down the scum who are pestering the common people of our world. I just want to facilitate it."

Kira sipped at his golden booze, watching Sasuke intently as he let the words sink in.

"Really? There is nothing else?" he asked, still suspicious.

"Nothing else, my friend. Just make sure that you bring as many down as you are capable and don't slack off. I am not going to accept a freeloader, so do not think that you can leech off of me. The moment I suspect you are up to anything else than what we agree upon I will notify all the hidden village's about your location. Does that sound like acceptable terms to you?"

Sasuke couldn't help but smirk back at the other man. He'd lie if he said he wasn't tired and hungry most of the time. Stealing was easy but it made him feel like a common criminal and a failure. Sleeping outside worked fine but his clothes were torn to shreds and never really dry anymore. And it had only been a few _weeks_.

Orochimaru's hideouts were already crawling with Konoha ninja and Sasuke suspected that meant that Orochimaru had told them about their locations. He was unsure about why the damn snake would do that, except to corner him. What Orochimaru thought he'd gain from that, he didn't know. Sasuke had seriously started thinking about dropping by Naruto just for a moment of peace but… he couldn't let the blond see him like this. He knew it would worry Naruto way more to know how he led his life, than not knowing anything at all.

Staying with Kira and seeing what type of man he was probably wouldn't hurt.

"Alright", he told the elegant man. "I accept your terms."

* * *

Sasuke was in a rather foul mood when he stepped through the portal into the study.

"Kira."

"Sasuke, my friend. Still doesn't bother knocking, I see." Kira put his brush down on the desk and folded his hands in front of him. "What can I do for you?"

"The Coliseum. What do you know about it?"

Kira's slight smile vanished in an instant. "What of the Coliseum? What did you hear?"

"Only that it exists. That ninja fight in it for the entertainment of rich people. That they are being traded like _livestock_." He was a little unsure how he felt about it - he just felt _something_ and it made him irritated.

Kira leaned back in his chair, tapping a finger against the wood on his desk. He regarded Sasuke carefully with wrinkled eyebrows.

"You are correct", he said eventually. "Although I myself do not know much more than you do. Who told you?"

"He's in the basement. I kept him alive if he'd remember anything else of value. He started spouting random things at me as a way to make me spare his life." Sasuke frowned. "I guess he succeeded."

"I guess so", Kira agreed thoughtfully, still watching him with the same intensity. "You care about this?"

Sasuke snorted. "I'm not sure if 'care' is the right word. How come this is ongoing and no one is doing anything about it?"

Kira pursed his lips and folded his arms. "I tried once, but my reputation preceded me. I was not allowed near any of the fighting rings, least of all the Coliseum itself, despite my efforts to bribe my way in. I never even got a hint about where it is located. I am in the right tier financially to be able to be a part of it but, alas."

Sasuke chose not to ask who in their right mind uses words like 'alas'. "Did you find anything out?"

"Not much." Kira's eyes narrowed. "Sasuke - do you want to have a go at the Coliseum?" For once the man spoke normally.

Sasuke shrugged. "It might be more interesting than bounty hunting. I need a change of pace."

"Are you bored?" Kira raised an eyebrow and sent him an amused look.

"Let's say I am. Would you see it as a breach of our agreement if I looked into this?"

Kira smiled. "Quite the opposite - I'd appreciate it. I have some files on it, perhaps you would like to see them?"

Sasuke nodded once.

"Well, then", Kira said. "Let me show you."

The file was disappointingly slim, but Sasuke had other means of getting the information he wanted. It took him less than a week to find out where to start.

* * *

He woke up in darkness. His mouth tasted like dirt and the dull ache in his neck made it hard to lift his head.

What had happened?

He remembered arriving at the palace and demanding to be allowed to fight. He remembered scowling at the smirk he noticed on Attotekina Ona's face. He remembered the small room where he had been served food and then - nothing.

Sasuke moaned into the stone floor as he tried to shift and open his eyes. Where the hell was he?

Something clattered behind him and he tried to turn but his body was numb and unwilling to obey. The same sound followed by a loud _clack_ as if something closed. Then, a sharp voice:

"He's awake. Notify Daimyo-sama." The voice dropped to a low mutter. "What a damn beast, he should've been out for another hour _at least_. "

Daimyo… Did they mean Ona? Sasuke thought back to his meeting with the man - large, obnoxious, and overall unpleasant. He tried to wet his dry lips and attempted to push himself off the floor, but nothing happened.

_What is going on?_

* * *

He was tired _all the time_. Everything _ached_ and his veins were _burning_. The cell was dark and cold but his real prison was his own body - if it hadn't been for the damn thing in his neck, he would have been out of there instantly. If his hands weren't shackled he would have _clawed_ it out. It seemed like Ona had thought about everything. He also stayed right out of reach for Sasuke every time he came to visit. The Daimyo was the only person to ever speak with him. The guards only showed food under the door - food that Sasuke so far had refused to eat.

He had thought of himself as someone who preferred to be solitary, but… This silence. This loneliness. It…

_Naruto_ …

He was waiting. He was expecting letters - _something_ \- and Sasuke couldn't even let him know _anything_. Was he angry by now? Did he believe that Sasuke had abandoned him again? How many weeks had it been already? He had no idea.

Sasuke curled in on himself, leaned into the cold stone wall, and pressed the palms of his hands to his eyes.

* * *

Ona was with him again. The sick bastard had watched as the guards had forced food down his throat and Sasuke was short of breath from struggling to keep them away from him. He had never felt this weak. Or humiliated.

"Sasuke-kun, my dearest. I don't wish to push you like this, but my patience is wearing thin", Ona said, voice smooth like silk. He was smiling in a way he probably thought looked kind.

Sasuke snorted. Ona's smile wavered.

"You are valuable, Uchiha, but not so much that I will not end you if you're not beneficial to me."

"So end me", Sasuke hissed. He didn't _care_ anymore. It had been _weeks_. He was _done_. What reason did he have to press on, anyway? There was no place in this world for him. Not really. Least of all where he wanted to be…

The loneliness had given him time to think. Too much time, probably. He was sure that Naruto was pissed by now, and if he'd ever learn what Sasuke had been up to before Ona got to him he'd probably also be disappointed. Naruto had never killed as far as Sasuke knew. If he'd find out that it was pretty much all Sasuke _did -_ he knew it'd be the end. Naruto was forgiving - far too forgiving - but things were different now. They were _something else_. At least Sasuke thought they were, or could have been if he hadn't gone and fucked it all up again.

He exhaled and pulled at his chains in frustration. Ona's smirk was back in full effect and Sasuke _hated_ it.

"Now, now. Is that really what you want? Is there nothing you would like to do? No one you would like to see again?"

A flash of orange and gold came into Sasuke's inner vision.

"No."

A blatant lie, but One wouldn't know.

"Uchiha Sasuke", the larger man mumbled. "Alone in the world. How sad."

* * *

Ona didn't show up for some time, but when he did, Sasuke was ready.

"I'll do it. On one condition."

"Oh?" Ona raised an eyebrow, seemingly trying to look indifferent but interested.

Sasuke had been thinking it over. After having wavered between anger and despair for what felt like an eternity he had made up his mind - giving up was not an option. In the end, it was not who he was.

"Let me send a letter after I win", he said, meeting Ona's eyes without hesitation. "You can read it, to make sure I don't alert anyone about what's going on."

Ona pursed his lips, looking thoughtful. "Really? There is someone in Uchiha Sasuke's life?"

Sasuke snorted. "If they don't hear from me in time they will come looking." That much he was sure of. Naruto might be pissed but he'd start searching eventually. He had promised as much.

"I'm shaking in my boots," Ona drawled and Sasuke ground his teeth. He was not in the mood.

"Do you agree? I fight for you - you let me send one letter."

Ona watched him thoughtfully but Sasuke could see how his eyes practically shone with contentment.

"Deal."

* * *

Ona had, as Sasuke anticipated, decided that he wanted to make the most out of the one fight he was promised. He was finally let out of the cell and brought to another part of the basement - but not before they injected him with some other foul poison that rendered his limbs completely useless. He managed to stay conscious, though, and did his best to look around without anyone noticing that he wasn't completely knocked out. They put him in a straight-jacket, blindfolded him and hauled him up the stairs.

He got to feel some sunlight hit his face before he was thrown into what he assumed was a palanquin. He felt it leave the ground and soon after he was unable to fight the poison anymore.

When they arrived at their destination he had been awake for what felt like hours. He had no idea how far they had travelled. He was placed in a cell much similar to the one he had been held in at Ona's palace. The Daimyo was looming nearby when the guards removed his blindfold. Sasuke threw him a look.

"So?"

Ona smirked and went on to tell him what was going to happen. It was a mid tier fighting ring, still far from the Coliseum but enough to allow some use of chakra.

"Remember, Sasuke-kun; if you try to run - I'll cut your chakra off completely, and you'll die. If you try to remove the chip it'll ruin your chakra system, and eventually, you'll die. It is the slower, but more painful choice. Don't do anything stupid."

Sasuke glared at him. "I promised you a fight. You promised something in return. I'll keep my end of the deal, and I'll assume you'll keep yours."

Ona chuckled. "Take him to the preparation room. Make sure he eats. You look like shit, Uchiha."

Sasuke allowed himself to be pushed out of the small cell. At least in the preparation room he was finally freed from the restraints and offered some food. He had started eating properly since Ona had accepted the terms of his proposal, figuring he'd need it to be able to get through this without failing miserably.

The room was more heavily guarded here, probably because the fighter's were well aware that they were prisoners and might try to escape, despite the fact that they'd die if they did. The small room at Ona's place that Sasuke had been in, believing that he'd fight, had probably purely been where they poisoned and chipped new ninja. Once again Sasuke cursed himself for having accepted that food. At least now he knew he wouldn't be poisoned - he was already in. Or perhaps he was being an arrogant idiot again.

After his meal was finished, a guard approached him and motioned for him to follow. Sasuke complied. He was shoved to a lock, a small passage between the arena and the rest of the fighters. The guard closed the barred door and proclaimed:

"You're up next. You should start moulding chakra. You will be opened up to half of your capacity."

Right. Sasuke sat down, closed his eyes and tried to produce some chakra. A pain shot through him and he almost buckled over.

"Long time since you fought?" Another fighter showed up at the other side of the barred door. "It can be really painful to mould chakra if you've not been allowed to do it for a while."

She sounded sympathetic but he was not in the mood to chat, so he just grunted in response, straightened his back and tried again. It was painful but it worked. Chakra started to trickle through his shrunken veins, a feeling he was barely used to anymore. Ona had only allowed him enough to just stay alive, he hadn't even been able to feel it. Now, it got successively stronger and he couldn't help letting out a sigh of relief as he started to feel somewhat normal again.

"That long, huh?" the other fighter asked, with the same sympathy in her voice. "Your master must be a real bastard."

That made him smile. "You're not wrong."

Was he so damn starved of human contact that he'd even talk to this stranger? _Damn it_. He went back to moulding. He couldn't help being somewhat happy about feeling chakra again; something that had always been a natural part of him. Something he had taken for granted.

"Mine's not so bad actually", the young woman said, sounding almost cheerful. "But of course, that can change anytime. I had one a couple of years ago who was a fucking monster. Glad I'm not with that guy anymore."

"Years ago? How long have you been in this?" He frowned, because she sounded young, but kept up what he was doing.

"Oh, um… I think I was fourteen? So, er… five years, maybe? What about you?"

He turned to look at her, frown deepening. He hesitated before he answered: "I'm not sure."

She nodded, understanding. "Yeah, I've met a lot of fighters like that. Sorry."

"Uchiha, get ready!" one of the guards yelled, and Sasuke slowly got to his feet.

"Uchiha?" The fighter stared at him, eyes wide in awe. "Really?"

Sasuke gave her a look. "Does it really matter who you are in here?"

"Er, yeah, when you're the fucking headliner of the evening it does."

He raised an eyebrow. "The what?"

"And in your case I guess it always matters, doesn't it?" She made a motion with her hands, palms up and pulling them apart like some kind of showman. " _The last Uchiha_ " she said dramatically and Sasuke snorted. What an annoying person.

"Uchiha!" a guard came up to bang his spear against the bars. "You're up!"

Sasuke sent him a vicious look and the guard wavered for a moment. Then he turned to the girl, apparently taking out some sort of frustration on her instead.

"Get moving, don't fraternise with other fighters", he barked and grabbed her arm to drag her off.

She didn't fight it, which was understandable due to the circumstances - but she stuck her tongue out and made an inappropriate hand sign at him behind his back. Then she waved energetically at Sasuke.

"Good luck, give 'em hell!" She fired off a blinding smile and Sasuke's heart jumped - she reminded him of Naruto.

He heard the barred door that led into the arena open behind him, followed by the announcer's booming voice, shouting his name. He turned and went out into the bright arena.

The crowd roared when they saw him and he felt a wave of disgust rush through him. He looked up at the gathering of the rich and powerful patrons that were there to see the fights. Shameless, fucking slavers, the lot of them. He stared at them in disdain. The crowd went silent, and some shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. He needed to remember these faces. The patrons closest to him cried out in surprise and awe when he activated the sharingan and a murmur went through the crowd.

"You are all etched into my memory" he said, not loud, but enough for them to hear him.

He turned his gaze to Ona who stood on a separate platform together with his opponents master and the organiser. He stared back at Sasuke, frowning, and gripped the edge of the railing around the platform so hard his arms were shaking.

Sasuke smirked. "I will never forget."

He opened a portal and stepped through it before anyone had the time to react - but the alarmed screams followed him to the other side.

He barely reached the floor in Kira's study before pain shot through his body and he collapsed with a wheezing moan. He caught himself before he fell flat on his face, but was barely able to keep his head up. He realised one thing though - the study was empty.

_Fuck_.

He fought to get back up, forced his knees in under him and reached for the edge of the heavy desk. With a loud groan he managed to get up. He looked over the edge, panting hard. He already felt drained, _destroyed_ \- being held in Ona's cell on the bare minimum of chakra was nothing compared to this. It was as if the chakra he had moulded was burning through him. He spotted Kira's fancy letter opener and grabbed it. The chip had to come out - fuck what Ona said, he was probably lying, anyway, the bastard.

Sasuke slumped back to the floor and accidentally pulled some sort of figurine depicting an elk with him. The sound of it hitting the floor made his ears ring. Short of breath, and with a shaky hand he tried to find the spot where the chip was located. He found it, took a shallow shivering breath and placed the edge of the letter opener against it. Thank god Kira was such a damn snob - even this was a fine blade, sharp enough to break skin.

He pushed through and warm blood started running down his neck, back and chest. The pain was nothing compared to the way the rest of his body was feeling. He turned the blade to make the cut larger and bit back a groan. Ok - that actually hurt. The letter opener fell from his fingers and landed on the extravagant carpet, blood splattering across it.

Sasuke shoved two fingers into the open wound, trying to get a hold of the small piece of metal hidden in there. He managed to pull it out with a barely held back scream at the same moment that the door flew open with a _bang._ A group of guards, followed by Kira, poured into the room.

"Sasuke? Where have you -" Kira swore. Sasuke didn't think he had ever heard him do that before. "Get a medic. _Now_! Damn it, get all three of them. _Hurry_!"

Maybe it was getting the chip out, or maybe it was knowing that help was on the way - Sasuke slumped to the floor on his side with a rattling sigh. Kira was with him instantly, placing a hand under his head and pressing the other one over the wound. Sasuke could feel his blood pulse against Kira's fingers. His sight started to get distorted and blurry but he did see the red mess that was spreading out around them.

"I think I ruined your fancy carpet", he mumbled and heard Kira laugh in response.

"I'll get a new carpet. Another Uchiha, though - that might be a greater challenge."

Sasuke snorted, still fighting to stay awake. "Kira…"

"Yes, my friend?" Kira answered, surprisingly soft.

"How long was I gone?" Sasuke had to force the words out.

"Eight weeks and four days."

Sasuke closed his eyes as the dread overtook him. "There's someone I need to see…"

"The one you have been writing letters for?"

For a moment Sasuke wondered how Kira knew about that, but there was no time to ask - he was slipping. He attempted to nod, unable to speak anymore.

Kira smiled, but it looked weak. "Of course. As soon as you're well you should visit him."

With a sigh Sasuke slipped into darkness.

Five days later he stepped into Naruto's apartment, welcomed by the sound of a running shower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uchiha's are such drama queens. 
> 
> In the next chapter Naruto and Sasuke has some talking to do, dontcha think? <.<


	12. Conversation and convergence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not late! Wooo!
> 
> This is a big one, people. I hope you enjoy!

He didn't tell Naruto everything. Some details seemed unnecessary or just plain humiliating, so Sasuke avoided them. He made a point of mentioning that he no longer killed his targets, although talking about what he had been doing was hard - harder than anything that had been happening during his time in captivity. He also attempted to play down how close to death he actually had been. Naruto - always perceptive in the moments when Sasuke least expected it - picked up on it though.

"Holy shit, Sasuke", he muttered. "You almost died?"

Sasuke felt like he had talked enough for a lifetime and didn't answer. Naruto glared at him and sat up straighter on the couch. It had taken some time to get through all of it and he seemed to feel better.

"You cut your chip out yourself, but you wouldn't cut out mine - and you said something about how it impacts the chakra system - how it might never get back to normal. Sasuke -"

"I'm not the way I was." Sasuke couldn't stand hearing Naruto sound so concerned. "It didn't heal correctly."

"What does that mean?"

"Just that... " He sighed - he didn't want to talk about this. "I'm thankful it happened after the war and not before it, let's leave it at that."

"How bad is it?" Naruto sounded even more concerned and Sasuke _hated_ it. He looked away.

When he didn't get an answer Naruto continued: "That's why you told me we needed to get Sakura when I asked you to cut the chip out."

Sasuke turned back to look at him. "You remember that?"

Naruto nodded slowly, frowning. "Yeah, now I do. That and..." He fell silent and a blush crept up his neck - he looked aghast.

Sasuke guessed that he remembered what he had said after that particular exchange.

_I looked for you… I really wanted to see you again. I really wanted you to come back to me…_

"Nevermind", he mumbled and Sasuke let it go. "Just… Why wouldn't you tell me?"

Sasuke sighed. "I knew that if I told you anything I had to lie about certain parts. It felt more reasonable to just withhold everything."

"That's such a shit reason."

Sasuke knew. He understood that he had been unfair, although it had felt logical at the time. For some reason he couldn't put that into words, though. It should be easy to just admit it - admit to having been idiotic - yet he remained quiet.

Naruto watched him in silence for a while. If he was fuming with anger or just being patient, Sasuke didn't know. He couldn't bear meeting his eyes.

"At least now I know why I didn't hear from you for over two months", Naruto finally said, his voice low. "You must have come here pretty soon after you were back on your feet."

Sasuke closed his eyes, and nodded once.

Naruto shifted in his seat. "You said you wanted to see me, then. That was the only reason you gave me when I asked if anything had happened."

"Yes, I said that", Sasuke muttered before he leaned back on the couch with a sigh. _Try, you moron, say it_. "And I meant it, Naruto. You're what got me through it. Well - you and the wish to spite that vile bastard."

Naruto laughed a little at that and scratched the back of his head. Annoying habit, that - it told everyone around him exactly how he felt. Sasuke didn't hate it. Seeing Naruto acting the way he used to do was calming. It was familiar and felt like - _home_. Sasuke gritted his teeth at the thought.

"Why wouldn't you tell me, though?" Naruto tilted his head to one side. "You told me now, was it really as bad as you thought it would be?"

"I knew you'd dislike it. The work I did, I mean." Sasuke was almost surprised at himself for getting the words out.

Naruto made a face. "Yeah, sure, can't say I'm thrilled about that."

Sasuke felt a wrinkle form between his brows. "That's it?"

"You said you stopped." He shrugged. "Seems like you thought it through and made the right decision."

Sasuke stared at him. To be fair he hadn't really thought it through - someone else had pointed out that his actions made him unworthy of Naruto and he hadn't been able to argue with that.

"What? That's not what happened?" Naruto scowled at him and Sasuke looked away again.

"Not really. Someone told me to get my shit together, more like."

"Kira?"

"What? No." Sasuke frowned at Naruto. Had he not understood what type of person Kira was? "He prefered me before. He just didn't have a choice but to accept it. I told him that I'd bring them in alive from that point on, and that he had to ship them off to whatever village they belonged to, or I was out. He decided I was worth it, as I knew he would."

"Okay, okay, it's just… I couldn't think of anyone else you could have talked to, you know. But whoever it was I guess I'm thankful to them for helping you out." Naruto sent him a half-smile. "You're so damn stubborn, though. Whoever it was really must have a way with words."

"You could say that", Sasuke muttered, remembering the beast pushing him into the wall and snarling in his face. The words had stuck, though, that was true.

Naruto kept scratching at the back of his head, his smile gone and his gaze lowered. He turned towards Sasuke on the couch, folding one leg beneath him and placing his hands in his lap, looking as if he was working up the courage to talk. Sasuke braced himself - whatever was coming next was something Naruto was putting a lot of thought into.

"Sasuke." Naruto's eyes were clear, determined - and slightly sad. "Why did you leave like that?"

 _Fuck_. Sasuke wished he had prepared better for this - he should have known Naruto would ask. He already had once before when Sasuke still had been determined to never tell him, and his silence had clearly wounded Naruto deeply. _Try_ … He felt as if he was about to throw himself off a cliff.

"I… _heard_ about the lessons Iruka was supposed to give you -" He glanced at Naruto who looked absolutely dumbstruck -"and that you were not attending them. It was specified that it was -" He had to look away -"because of me."

The silence that followed was deafening. Holy shit, it sounded moronic when he said it out loud. Naruto seemed to agree - he was practically shaking, apparently trying hard to keep the anger contained.

"How did you hear about that?" His voice was cold in a way Sasuke was not used to.

He decided he had already passed the point of no return. "The ninetails."

Naruto's jaw dropped. "Kurama? _What_? How? _When_?"

"He woke me up. That night." Sasuke basically forced the words out.

Naruto's eyes glossed over for a moment. Then he wrinkled his eyebrows and his mouth turned into a thin line.

"The bastard won't talk to me", he muttered. "What the fuck did he tell you?"

Sasuke squared his shoulders and turned so that he faced Naruto completely. "Nothing that wasn't true."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Naruto seemed even more agitated by that.

"It said -"

" _He_ ", Naruto cut in. "You might not like each other but at least address him as a person."

Sasuke held back a scoff and went with a nod instead. " _He_ said that you could have been doing great if I hadn't 'distracted' you - at first because you didn't hear from me and then because I kept visiting you."

Naruto shook his head in disbelief. "That was _my choice_ , you fucking up and left because you thought I didn't know what was best for me, or something?"

"Not only that", Sasuke said, his voice low and serious. It seemed to catch Naruto's attention. "He also told me you were unhappy and… that you were hurting - because of how _I_ forced you to live."

Naruto stared at him. "For fuck's sake, Sasuke. Someone else told you that and you wouldn't even talk to me about it before you decided to end it? Are you for real right now?"

The dread that coursed through his veins felt cold as ice, but Sasuke was determined to see this through now. "If I had asked you - would you have answered me truthfully?"

Naruto hesitated, his gaze switching back and forth between Sasuke's eyes.

"Naruto. Tell me; were you happy? You were supposed to study and train and you abandoned that - it doesn't sound like you at all."

Naruto stood up so suddenly that Sasuke winced. He walked a few steps away from the couch with one hand over his mouth, and the other on his hip. He paced back, looking lost, and then removed the hand from his mouth and motioned weakly towards Sasuke.

"So that's why? That's _it_? What kind of fucking relationship did we have when you couldn't even ask me that?" His voice rose near the end.

Sasuke stared at him, at a complete loss for words. He started breathing faster when he realised where this was going - and then Naruto unraveled before him.

"You seriously dumped me over some damn _lessons_? I already trained my whole life for stuff, you know!" His voice rose even more and he started pacing again, arms up in the air in exasperation. "To finish school, to become hokage and then for the longest fucking time I trained to _get you back_." He stopped and locked eyes with Sasuke, who found himself unable to look away. "And then I had you. I finally _had you_ and I just wanted to bask in that for a _fucking minute_." His voice broke, and Sasuke's heart with it. "I just wanted to be _happy_! It's not like the title of hokage will disappear - I have time for that, and Kakashi-sensei is doing a damn good job so there's no need for me to rush it. It will still be there when it's time. But I haven't had enough time with _you_ , you _idiot._ So I wanted - just for a _while_ … _I just wanted to take the time to be happy._ "

Sasuke was unable to hide it - he was breathing hard and he had dug his fingernails so deep into his thighs it hurt. He was shocked. He was sad. Most of all - he was furious with himself. He couldn't just let the main question go, though.

"Were you?" he asked weakly. "Happy?"

The steam seemed to go out of Naruto. His eyes - that just a moment earlier had been burning with a furious fire and been filled with angry tears - lost their spark, and he only looked tired. He pulled a hand over his face, wiping the tears away.

"When we were together? Yes! In between…" He ran a hand through his hair and shook his head slightly. "No, no I wasn't. But it was worth it, to me. You were worth it - _we_ were worth it."

Sasuke leaned forward and buried his face in his hands. "Fucking idiot." He didn't even know if he meant himself or Naruto, who seemed to be thinking the same thing.

"Who? You or me?" He sounded exhausted.

Sasuke let his back hit the couch again and leaned his head all the way back until he looked at the ceiling.

"Both of us, I think." He inhaled deeply. "I still don't get why you felt like you had to stop going to your lessons."

"Now who's the idiot", Naruto muttered. "If I had it would have been that much more obvious that I regularly skipped out to do something suspicious. Iruka-sensei would have been on me like a leech trying to figure out why. He just… _worries_ , you know. It was easier to piss him off and be done with it."

"You had a fight?" Sasuke looked up at him, barely believing what he heard.

Naruto smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, shit, he was angry like hell."

Sasuke frowned. For a moment he hesitated, aware that he would be treading on thin ice if he moved forward, and yet…

"You never told me that."

"What?

Sasuke sat up more straight. "I'm not saying it's the same thing - but you never told me about any of that. The lessons, you skipping out, the fight with Iruka - none of it. Knowing you, that must have been hard. You carried that around and never even mentioned it."

Naruto stared at him for a moment. "You're really trying to guilt-trip me about that after the shit you pulled?"

"No", Sasuke got to his feet and took a few steps closer to him. "I'm not saying that. Just -"

"- that we really suck at telling each other stuff," Naruto finished.

"Yeah", Sasuke breathed out.

Naruto smiled slightly. "Well, at least we're telling each other stuff now."

"Yeah…" He repeated himself - he felt drained. "It's exhausting."

Naruto laughed a little. "Right? It does feel better, though. I understand now - what was going on with you, I mean. I was an idiot for letting you stay quiet for so long."

"You pestered me about what I was doing every time I came over."

"Yeah, I mean, I _asked_ but I never really put any pressure on you." Naruto lifted his hands and looked down on them in a manner that made Sasuke feel as if he should reach out to take them. "I just… I didn't want to ruin what we had by pushing you away with questions when you so clearly didn't want to talk about it."

That's what he had thought would happen? He looked so dejected that Sasuke couldn't stop himself from reaching out. Naruto pulled back. _Shit_.

"Okay", Sasuke admitted. "I can understand that you'd think that."

Naruto put his hands into his pockets and stared at the floor. "You left as soon as something made you feel cornered."

"Not cornered", he corrected. "More like… a burden. I was in your way. I made you unhappy."

" _You_ didn't, moron, the situation did", Naruto said softly.

Sasuke didn't relent. "A situation _I_ created."

"Can you stop with the self-deprecating crap? There are two of us. I made the decision to be with you despite the shitty parts of it."

An irritated, pained sound slipped from Sasuke's lips. "Not just _during_ , Naruto. I have been messing up your life since we were kids."

Naruto shrugged. "You had your reasons -"

" _Stop_ making _excuses_ for me." Without meaning to Sasuke raised his voice.

Naruto had been so angry with him for leaving, for disappearing, for not opening up - he had told Sasuke straight to his face to _go fuck himself_ because of it. He had been _furious_ , and he had every right to be. Yet now, when Sasuke brought up the past and the vile things he had done to him back then - Naruto just smiled softly and _excused it_. Somehow that frustrated Sasuke to his core.

"You seriously want to talk about all this other stuff but not the _years_ I wasted chasing after _lies_ , hurting you and every other person around me?"

Naruto remained calm, or maybe he was just mentally drained by now. "You didn't know, Sasuke."

"It _doesn't matter_. _I made a choice_ \- and I didn't choose you. Don't tell me you didn't suffer for it." He stared at Naruto for a moment, looking for any type of reaction that wasn't that soft, remissive expression he had been wearing since Sasuke brought this particular subject up.

There was no change and Sasuke found it infuriating. He pulled a hand over his face and looked away, trying to calm his pounding heart. Why did this affect him so much? His mind was racing as scenes from the past replayed themselves in his head. Naruto chasing him, fighting him, trying to talk sense into him - to no avail. Naruto crying for him, screaming at him, bleeding because of him, and then - Sasuke's arm, piercing through his shoulder. The feeling of Naruto's blood pulsing against his skin and running down his arm - bones and flesh having given way for his hand…

Sasuke exhaled sharply and pressed the heels of his hand to his eyes.

"Sasuke, what -"

"I tried to kill you, Naruto." Sasuke curled in on himself as the words cut through him like daggers - saying them out loud was almost worse than the memory itself. "Several times, and I almost succeeded, I -"

"Yeah - _almost_ ", Naruto cut in. Sasuke could hear the faint smile in his voice.

He looked back at Naruto, perplexed by his lack of reaction. Was he not listening? What about this was so easy to just sweep away, forgive and forget? _Had_ he forgotten all this, like he had forgotten parts of what happened in the palace? The frustration overtook Sasuke; he grabbed Naruto by the shoulders and pushed him against the wall as if manhandling him would make him understand the severity of what he was trying to say.

"Why do you downplay it? What the fuck is wrong with you, how -"

"Sasuke." Something in Naruto's voice made him fall silent. "I forgave all this a long time ago - it's in the past."

Sasuke stared at him. "How? Doesn't it matter to you?"

"It mattered, yeah." Naruto shrugged slightly. "It was all I could think about at the time; getting you back, the things you did and said - of course it mattered - but… you changed your mind. You came back. At least in a way." Naruto shifted a little as Sasuke's hands started to shake. "Of course it _mattered_ \- getting you back just mattered _more_ , you know? _You_ mattered more."

Sasuke closed his eyes and allowed his knees to give way beneath him. He slumped to the floor and sat back on his heels, still holding onto Naruto's arms. He kept saying these things. That Sasuke was worth it. That he mattered. That Naruto forgave him. It should make him happy, but all he could think about was how he deserved none of it. The irony and absurdity of it all made him laugh weakly.

"I don't know if you're amazing or just an idiot", he breathed, shaking his head.

"I'd go with amazing."

Sasuke looked up - Naruto smiled down at him, mischief dancing in his blue eyes. Mischief - and affection. He pressed his back to the wall that Sasuke had pushed him up against and slid slowly down to the floor. He sat down, with one leg folded, and the other stretched out right next to Sasuke. He sighed and leaned the back of his head against the wall.

"Is this something you've been thinking about a lot? Is this… why you never really let me in?"

Sasuke blinked. It was true that the images of how he had hurt Naruto in the past was a constant in his life - always lurking beneath the surface ready to pounce whenever he felt the least bit vulnerable - but he hadn't truly considered it a factor when it came to his inability to talk to him about certain things. Although - when the ninetails had told him he didn't deserve Naruto it had hit the target with frightening accuracy.

He opened his mouth but he didn't know exactly how to put it. In the end he settled for "I don't know." His voice was low and to him it sounded weak. "It could be."

He was still holding on to Naruto's arms, albeit loosely, and Naruto placed a hand over one of Sasuke's hands.

"Sasuke. I have forgiven you for the past. I am forgiving you for the last year -" Sasuke's eyes widened at that "- but only _you_ can forgive _yourself_. And I think you need to."

Sasuke lowered his gaze and let out a faint breath. "Kakashi said something similar."

"Well, he's a lot smarter than me so take it from him, then."

Sasuke didn't say that hearing it from Naruto somehow made it make more sense.

Naruto chewed on his bottom lip and glanced to the side. "You know… Sakura is working on this thing -"

"Not you, too." It came out before Sasuke could stop himself, and Naruto looked a little perplexed. "Both her and Kakashi have been up my ass about that."

"Really? That's what she wanted to talk to you about when you guys went outside together?"

Sasuke snorted. "That and that if I hurt you again she was gonna rearrange my inner organs."

Naruto laughed. "Yeah, she's kind of -"

"Obstinate?"

"Hey! She cares, okay? Don't be a dick."

It wasn't entirely true that Sakura had only wanted to talk to him about her new therapy and threaten his life - she had also smirked at him and asked who he thought he was fooling with his bad act at pretending to be indifferent towards Naruto. Then she had told him to talk to him and to 'not give up'. After that she promised that if he treated Naruto poorly again he'd have hell to pay. She had never talked to him that way before. It had been one of the strangest experiences of his life.

"Yeah." Sasuke agreed. "It seems she really does." He took a deep breath. "You were right. We should've let her in earlier."

"Really?"

Sasuke couldn't say what it was that made him keep talking. "I should've let _you_ in earlier. I seem to always fuck up royally and need some sort of shocking wake-up call to be able to change direction."

"Well, you _are_ a stubborn asshole." Naruto shrugged, raised both his eyebrows in a mocking way and grinned.

"At least I'm not naive enough to forgive everything and everyone."

Naruto punched his shoulder lightly. "You bastard, that was mean - I was just teasing."

"What? It's the truth." He frowned. "I don't get it - how you can do that. I literally tried to cut my bond with you by cutting you down."

Naruto leaned forward enough to be able to scratch the back of his head. He wrinkled his eyebrows slightly and bit his lower lip. Sasuke firmly ignored the jolt that went through him and looked away.

"Yeah, well - I guess forgiving always came easy for me." Naruto shrugged and leaned back against the wall, as if that explained everything. "Why were you even so fixated on that, though? 'Severing the bond'."

He made quotation marks in the air with his fingers, and just like that he was no longer touching Sasuke's hand. Sasuke folded his arms, just to do something else than holding on to Naruto in some vain attempt at intimacy. He zoned in on the question instead, and how in the hell he was going to answer it without making a complete mess out of it.

"Naruto. You remember the moment when you realised that you had feelings for me." Apparently that had been too direct because Naruto's eyes widened in surprise and his cheeks flushed pink.

"Er, yeah, sure." He ran a hand through his hair and stared down at the floor.

Sasuke frowned. Either he was too distant or he was too obtrusive - could it really be that hard to find an inbetween? Whatever. He decided to just go ahead and say it.

"I don't know when I developed those types of feelings for you. It might have been when we were put on the team together, it may have been earlier."

Naruto's head snapped back up and he stared at Sasuke in disbelief. "You mean to say that you felt like that since we were _kids_?"

"It wasn't the same as what it became later, of course, but at least some version of it. It wasn't only rivalry, or friendship. It most certainly wasn't brotherhood - not to me, at least. I might not have understood it at the time, but I realised later why you always were so present in my thoughts."

Naruto looked as if Sasuke had just set off a bunch of exploding tags around him. "Damn, Sasuke. You can say things like that but never, not even once while we were together did you…" He trailed off and looked away.

Sasuke frowned but decided to let it go in favour of trying to explain his thinking. "In the Land of Wave, when we fought the nin with the ice mirrors and you almost got hit -"

"You saved me" Naruto interrupted breathlessly.

Sasuke scoffed. "Unnecessarily, but yes, I tried. I risked my life for yours without thinking, and I knew I'd make the same choice again if it ever came to that."

"Sasuke -"

He didn't allow Naruto to interrupt and held up a hand to silence him. "At the time I couldn't accept that - I believed that revenge should be my priority, and to make sure that happened I had to distance myself from the one person I knew could distract me from it. Maybe make me give up on it, even." He sighed and closed his eyes. "I just… ended up making the wrong choice - and you wouldn't _give up_." Suddenly it was hard to keep going and Sasuke felt whatever he had planned to say slip through his metaphorical fingers."Years later you were _still_ … even as I got to the point of going crazy for real you somehow remained one of the main focuses of my mind, no matter how hard I tried to push you away. After all the _shit_ I did you still… and I couldn't get you out of my head. I still _fucking can't_ -"

He winced when Naruto's fingertips touched his cheek. He snapped back up and met his eyes - those _insanely blue_ freaking eyes - and stared in disbelief as Naruto pulled a strand of hair away from his face and pressed a hand against his cheek.

"Sasuke - stop." He said softly. "I get it. I… I've never heard you talk like that before." He smiled - just a trembling little tilt at the corners of his mouth. "You still can't get me out of your head?" He swallowed. "Is that what you want?"

Sasuke couldn't control the shudder that ran down his spine. Somewhere along the line he had unfolded his arms and was awkwardly holding them out in front of him - the one he had held up to silence Naruto earlier had curled into a fist. It was shaking.

"No, I…" He trailed off, his ability to speak suddenly lost to him.

Naruto placed his free hand on the other side of his face, and Sasuke closed his eyes over the burning sensation that told him that he was getting close to tears. He leaned into the touch but didn't dare to reciprocate it. He was busy trying to keep breathing, and, well - not fucking _cry_. It felt frighteningly familiar, and the memory of Naruto over him and the sound of water in his ears flowed into his mind.

Naruto leaned in a little closer, until his hair brushed against Sasuke's forehead. He could feel the blond's breath on his lips, and the signs were clear as day, but - he still had a hard time believing that Naruto actually… After _everything_ , he still…?

"Sasuke - is this okay? I mean do you want -"

He didn't let Naruto finish - he reached out, wrapped a hand around his neck, and pulled him in. It was in no way like in the Final Valley - there was no clashing of teeth or bruising of lips. Instead, Naruto met him carefully - tenderly - in a way that Sasuke found himself getting completely and utterly lost in. He threaded his shivering fingers in golden strands of hair and leaned in further. Naruto's hands travelled to the back of Sasuke's neck, and one of them trailed up the side of his head. For a split second he felt startled by how large Naruto's hands felt - a notion that suddenly was enhanced tenfold as Naruto suddenly got to his knees, towering over him. He pulled Sasuke closer, and he had to bend his neck far back to be able to still keep their lips connected. Sasuke's hands slid down the front of Naruto's shirt before he wrapped his arms around his waist, and pressed his palms against his back, pushing their bodies closer together.

Naruto broke the kiss with a shuddering breath. Sasuke bit back the undignified sound that almost followed.

"Shit", Naruto whispered and Sasuke's heart almost stopped - then he noticed the lopsided grin and felt Naruto's grip around his neck tighten. "Are we being a pair of dumbasses right now or… do we re-"

If this was being dumb then Sasuke would gladly sign up to be the village idiot - he pulled Naruto closer again, kissing the doubt and that damn grin away. He was not about to let go again - not when Naruto clearly still wanted this. Not when Sasuke still wanted this more than _anything_. How he had been able to stay away for this long was beyond him - how had he even _lived_ without this? Without Naruto?

"Sas-" Naruto pulled back again with a breathless laugh "- you… Wait. You have to… Sasuke, you have to promise me - _promise me_ to not close yourself off again, okay? I couldn't -"

"I won't." He meant it.

Knowing what he knew now, seeing how the distance he had kept between them had affected Naruto - how it had _hurt_ him - Sasuke was determined not to slip back into that habit again. No matter how hard it might be. No matter how bad his mood might get, or how undeserving he might feel…

He groaned. _Shit_. He couldn't trust himself with this - so far he had only made a mess of things, over and over again.

"I mean - I don't _want_ to", he whispered. "You might have to help me, though."

Naruto nodded slowly and stroked his cheek with his thumb. "Okay. I'll remind you whenever you start acting like an asshole." He smiled that crooked grin again and Sasuke's heart almost jumped out of his chest. "It'll be a _lot_ of work, but -"

"Idiot." Sasuke couldn't hold back the laughter. Every time he believed them to have a serious moment Naruto went and lightened it up - like he lit _everything_ up.

Sasuke suddenly realised he'd have to put a damper on the moment, and the laughter died in his throat. Naruto's grin faded at once.

"What is it?" He sounded worried.

Sasuke curled his hands into the fabric of Naruto's shirt, trying to remain calm, and took a deep breath.

"I have to leave again, and I don't know when I'm coming back."

"What?" Sasuke felt the grip around his neck loosen as Naruto pulled back slightly. "But you talked to Kakashi-sensei, won't he let you -"

"I am not leaving again because I want to, Naruto." Sasuke felt desperation well up - fear that Naruto would think he was being abandoned again. "I am leaving so that when I come back next time, it… it will be to stay." His last words were almost a whisper, but Naruto's wide eyes and slightly open mouth made it clear that he had heard him.

"To stay?" he asked breathlessly and Sasuke nodded, barely believing what he was doing - just a few days ago the thought had been completely atrocious, but now... If Naruto really…

"If you want me to - I'll stay."

For a moment Naruto just stared at him, still wide-eyed and with his mouth slightly ajar, and Sasuke's heart was _speeding_. A shaky breath escaped Naruto and he bowed his head, inhaled sharply - and laughed. It was a soft sound; light and happy. It made Sasuke relax - he didn't think he had ever heard a more beautiful sound before. When Naruto looked back up his eyes were shining with tears, and he looked at Sasuke in a way that made him hold his breath.

"This morning I thought I was ready to give you up", Naruto whispered. "I thought I'd be able to move on. I didn't want to, but I believed that you already had. That you'd never come around, you know."

Sasuke didn't like hearing that one bit - strange, since it was exactly what he had wanted Naruto to do for a year. Or at least what he had thought that he had wanted.

"I never moved on", he said and Naruto smiled and stroked his cheek with a thumb again.

"I believe you. It's just… it's like I'm dreaming."

"Yeah."

It truly was. The twists and turns over the last few days had left Sasuke feeling like none of it had really happened. Especially right now; sitting on the floor in Naruto's apartment, holding him and apparently getting back together - it felt unreal.

Naruto's grip around his neck tightened once again and he leaned in until their foreheads touched.

"You know… If you're leaving for a while -" He swallowed "- and I'll just be here waiting again -"

"I'm sorry", Sasuke whispered, and Naruto smiled and hushed him.

"Don't ruin it."

"What?"

"Sasuke." Naruto straightened up and held his gaze in a way that told Sasuke he better shut up. "I'm saying that since you're going away for awhile - you better leave something nice behind for me to remember while you're gone."

Sasuke stared at him. "Like a gift?" The idea came to him instantly and he knew it was the right thing. "Okay, there is something you can have, let me just get it."

He attempted to get up but Naruto held him in place.

"Sasuke, you idiot - where are you going?" he hissed in surprise and Sasuke stopped moving. "I meant… Jeez, did you become dumb for real?"

Sasuke was perplexed. What was he _talking about_? And why was he blushing so hard?

The realisation hit him. "Oh."

Suddenly Sasuke's mouth felt very dry - Naruto was not opting for a present, at least not the kind Sasuke had been thinking of initially. He sat back on his heels and wound his arms back around Naruto's waist.

"Yes, I may have become a complete idiot", he breathed. "I blame the company. You must be rubbing off on me."

He instantly regretted the last sentence when Naruto collapsed in his arms in a laughing fit. Of course he'd find that funny, the immature _moron_. Sasuke bit back his own laughter - somehow hearing Naruto completely lose it made him get very close to joining in. Talk about ruining a moment.

Then Naruto's lips were on his, and the sliver of irritation was instantly gone. Naruto was still smiling as he pressed kiss after kiss on his lips, his temple, his neck - and then went back to his lips again, locking them in a deep kiss that left no room for speculation about where this was going. Apparently the mood that Sasuke accidentally had destroyed was easily restored. Naruto shuffled closer until he was straddling him and Sasuke almost felt faint.

"You mean like this?" Naruto whispered into his ear before he - literally - rubbed up against him.

Sasuke bit back the sound that the motion called forth, and pressed his hands to Naruto's hips to hold him still. He let out a slow, shivering breath and looked into Naruto's eyes, searching for any hint of doubt or hesitation. He found none. If anything he saw determination, affection - and _want_.

"Yes", Sasuke agreed in a low voice. "Like that." He reached up to kiss Naruto one more time. "I'll get you that nice memory you wanted."

Naruto grinned. "Don't think I've forgotten you apparently have an actual gift for me, though."

"Later, I'm busy at the moment." Sasuke pressed a kiss to Naruto's collarbone, thankful for how loose the lining was - the shirt must be at least two sizes too large.

Naruto smiled so brightly Sasuke almost thought he'd go blind. "Okay - later."

Much, _much_ later they both realised that they hadn't eaten any dinner, and that Naruto's take-away still stood on the kitchen counter, cold and forgotten - the exact opposite to what the memory of that night would ever be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I promised sap at the start and that last sentence must be the sappiest I have written yet.
> 
> I never meant to get into serious stuff in this fic (and to be fair - I am merely touching the surface of the damn trauma Sasuke should have), but ya know; CANON. In the end I couldn't just ignore it.
> 
> They still have a long way to go, but they have started to venture down the road together instead of just side by side.
> 
> One more chapter to go. How do you feel?


	13. Closure and progression

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter, people. What a ride it's been.

Naruto woke up to a cold and empty bed. Had the memory of the night before not been so warm and clear in his mind he might have thought he had dreamt it - and perhaps he would have felt more alarmed about being alone. Now, however, he felt rather confident that Sasuke wouldn't just leave and never come back again. Perhaps saying goodbye had been too hard for him. The night before had clearly proven that Sasuke carried around a lot more emotional baggage than he had ever shown before. Guilt being very prominent - but affection also.

Naruto shuffled the covers and turned around, throwing a glance at the bed table just to make sure - it was empty. No inauspicious scroll with a potentially heartbreaking message was left for him. He smiled into his pillow and stretched. The apartment was completely silent, and the coldness of the bed told him that Sasuke had been away for quite some time.

He'd come back. Eventually. Of course, not knowing when that might be was disconcerting. But the night before… Naruto shuddered at the thought. Sasuke had lived up to the promise to leave something behind to remember. They had fallen asleep wound tightly together; warm and happy, and without any shred of doubt or insecurity between them. Naruto felt content with staying in bed for a while longer and just remain in that memory for a bit.

Sasuke suddenly stepping into the room from a portal made him jerk up and kneel on the bed, alarmed and utterly surprised.

"Sasuke? What -"

He was instantly in front of him, reaching out to take his face between his hands.

"I thought you'd be asleep longer, I'm sorry -"

"No, don't - I thought you had gone but it's -" Naruto spluttered, still amazed that Sasuke hadn't left for his mission for real.

"I shouldn't have just left, I just had to -"

Naruto could clearly see the concern and regret in Sasuke's eyes. "It's okay, don't worry - I'm fine."

"Really?" He looked unconvinced.

"Yeah. I knew you weren't gone forever, you know."

Naruto grabbed his hands with his own and gave them a reassuring squeeze. Sasuke seemed to believe him. He gave a curt nod and averted his eyes from Naruto's uncovered form.

"You're… undressed."

Naruto snorted with laughter. "Yeah, and who's fault is that?"

He reached up to kiss Sasuke and pulled him into bed. Even though he had felt okay with Sasuke leaving to get to whatever mission Kakashi had assigned him, Naruto was overjoyed to have him with him still. Sasuke willingly followed his lead and they ended up in an embrace beside each other on the mattress.

"Did you go to some mission brief or something?"

"No, I went to talk to Kira and pick some things up."

Naruto twisted a strand of dark hair around a finger. "What did he say?"

"He was accepting. He's the one who initially supported me checking up on the Coliseum, after all."

Naruto winced. "That's your mission?"

Sasuke looked at him, a mix of wariness and defiance in his eyes. "Yes."

Naruto swallowed, worry rising fast in his chest. "But won't that be like, really dangerous? I mean -" he grimaced "- it didn't go so smoothly the last time you got into that, you know."

"I won't be as arrogant this time."

"You sure?" Naruto grinned. "Is that even possible for you?"

Sasuke scoffed. "Idiot."

Naruto laughed a little and stroked his cheek. "Are you sure about this?"

"Yes. Kakashi thinks that if I bring this operation down the other nations might realise that I'm no longer aiming to harm them. I think he's too optimistic, but it's worth a shot."

Naruto nodded, hoping that Kakashi-sensei was right. The thought of Sasuke going back to poke around in that particular operation did worry him, though. Sasuke seemed to notice, because he took Naruto's hand and laced their fingers together.

"I'll be fine. I want to do this."

Something in the way he said it made Naruto wrinkle his brows. "It sounds as if it's important to you. The Coliseum, I mean."

For a moment Sasuke looked away and seemed to hesitate, and Naruto felt a pang in his chest. Not so soon - he couldn't seriously close himself off already?

"Hey", he urged. "Don't."

Sasuke flinched a little and met his eyes again. "Right. Yes. When I was part of it - I met someone."

Naruto held his breath. "Met someone?" he asked flatly and Sasuke's eyes widened a smidge.

"Not like that - she reminded me of you a lot, but - no, not like that. We only talked for a short while before I was meant to fight."

Naruto felt the sudden jealousy melt away and relaxed into the pillow. "You want to save her?"

Sasuke hesitated once again, but because he seemed to think about how he felt about the question, not because he wanted to avoid it.

"I guess I do. I saw her again, once, by chance. She didn't look so good. I think she might've changed… _owner_ since the first time I met her."

Naruto's heart was beating hard and he felt tears burn at the edges of his eyes. He hated it - hated that there were people in the world who would treat others that way. Like belongings - _things_ \- instead of people.

"I couldn't help her then", Sasuke continued. "I had just brought down a group of rogues, and my chakra levels not being what they used to be…" He trailed off and scowled. "I followed the caravan she was a part of, looking for an opportunity, and when it came I tried, but they were too many and I was already exhausted. After that I started looking into it again, which is why I was at Ona's palace."

He didn't sound sad, not even upset, but it was clear that he felt _something_ about it.

"Okay, look", Naruto said. "I get it and you know me - I wouldn't even have waited for an opportunity, I would have just jumped right in, but -" he caught Sasuke's gaze and held it "- you can't do shit like that if you're going to go on this mission. Okay?" He couldn't prevent the hint of concern in his voice. "You're smarter than me, so; _be smart_. You won't be able to help any of them if you get caught or worse."

Sasuke snorted. "I'm aware."

"Yeah, so be careful."

Sauke pulled him closer with a slight smirk. "I didn't mean that you were right - I meant that I'm smarter than you."

"Jerk."

"Moron."

The kiss was soft, languid and made Naruto very aware of the unfairness of being the only one undressed.

"When do you have to leave?" he whispered against Sasuke's lips.

He sighed - an irritated and disappointed little sound. "I should go. The sooner I do, the sooner I'll be back. If everything goes the way Kakashi predicts the next visit won't be as short."

"Hopefully it won't be just a visit", Naruto murmured.

Sasuke looked at him, his face serious, but eyes soft. "Yes."

They let go of each other reluctantly and Naruto remained in bed while Sasuke gathered his things and put on his cloak. It almost felt domestic, and was very reminiscent of how their life had been when they had last been together. Naruto had seldom gotten out of bed when Sasuke got ready to leave then, either.

When Sasuke was all done he turned and looked at Naruto in silence for a long moment. He looked back, waiting - Sasuke had that look again, the one where he seemed to consider saying something. Eventually he spoke.

"I… have something for you."

Naruto perked up. "Really? The gift you mentioned?"

"Yes." Sasuke stuck his hand into his bag and pulled out - a scroll.

Naruto stared at it suspiciously. "I got one of those from you already - I didn't like it."

Sasuke looked discouraged and Naruto regretted his words. He propped himself up on an elbow and bit his lip.

"Sorry - I just -"

"It's fine. This is different."

He walked back to the bed and looked down at Naruto with a strange look in his eyes - he seemed… _vulnerable_.

"What is it?"

Sasuke looked away. "Open it when I'm gone. It's just in case I'm away for a long time. Don't… go through it all at once. And do it in order."

Naruto's interest peaked, but Sasuke's strange behaviour worried him a little. "Okay."

Sasuke seemed relieved, but still tense. "Good."

He reached out and placed the scroll on the bed table. They both looked at it awkwardly for a moment and then Sasuke took a deep breath.

"I'm off", he said and turned as a portal opened in the middle of the room.

"Be careful."

Sasuke looked over his shoulder. "I promise."

He stepped through and as the portal started closing a surge of fear went through Naruto - fear and the sadness of being parted again so soon. He sat up on the bed, his heart racing in his chest.

"Sasuke!"

He turned and their eyes met as the portal started closing.

"I love you."

Sasuke's eyes widened. His lips separated and he sucked in a breath - then he was gone.

Naruto stared at the spot where his face had been before the portal closed, breathing heavy. He was gone. Gone on some crazy, dangerous mission so that maybe - _maybe_ \- they'd be able to be together as a normal couple. Naruto swung his legs over the edge of the bed, placed his elbows on his thighs, and buried his face in his hands. He released a deep sigh and started chewing on his bottom lip as he tried to shake the anxiety. A part of him almost wished he hadn't known about the mission in question - knowing that the Coliseum was the target made everything worse.

He glanced at the scroll. Maybe taking a look at its contents would make him feel better. Not knowing what to expect he reached out and picked it up. It was a larger scroll then the last one, and more ornate, with intricate patterns adorning the edges and a golden string holding it together. It looked expensive. He carefully unwrapped the string and put it on the bed table before he opened the scroll up.

He hadn't really known what to expect, but he felt a hint of surprise when he saw the inside of it. There was no text - the scroll contained seals. He opened the scroll up more and realised that the whole thing was seals, and seals only. There was no hint to what was sealed in it, though, and Naruto felt excitement build along with his curiosity. He rolled the scroll back up until only the first seal was visible. Sasuke had told him to go through it in order, after all. He lay down the scroll in front of him on the bed to open up the seal when a loud knock on his front door practically made him jump out of the bed.

Still naked and with his heart in his throat he managed to croak "Just a minute!" only to hear a key twist in the lock a split second later. Holy shit - _Sakura_.

She entered his hallway as he desperately ripped the cover off the bed and managed to wrap it around himself in a futile attempt at decency - the scroll got thrown in the air by the sudden pull, and when it landed it rolled out across the floor, revealing the long row of seals.

"Sorry, Naruto!" she called from the hall. "I'm in a hurry, I have to be at the hospital in -" she stopped when she saw him and a frown appeared on her face. "What are you doing?"

"Sakura-chan - sorry, I just woke up, you… you startled me -"

"You _knew_ I was coming, how are you not dressed?" her voice rose slightly. "Don't think I'll stand for this shit just because we're friends!"

Oh, _crap_ , she really believed he was trying something _indecent._ Naruto cringed and felt panic rise at the same time - she would probably punch him through a wall.

"No, no, no, no - Sakura-chan, it's not like that!" he spluttered, trying desperately to make her understand that he had no weird intentions - when her laughter filled the room.

"I know, _please_! I'm joking, you dunce." She laughed again, a light sound that Naruto couldn't hate even though he was the subject of her glee.

He stared at her, dumbstruck. "That's so fucking mean, Sakura", he muttered.

She dried a few tears from the corners of her eyes and smiled at him. "Sorry, you just looked so silly - I couldn't help it. It's my own fault, really, I shouldn't have just barged in. I was just stressed out." She released a deep breath that still contained some laughter, and looked at him apologetically. "I know you didn't give me a key so I could just come in whenever, I just thought you might still be asleep, and you usually sleep clothed so I figured…" She shrugged and smiled, looking regretful. "Yeah, sorry."

"It's okay", Naruto answered, relieved.

"Okay, at least you don't have to take anything off, so this check-up should be quick." She nodded at the bed. "Sit! Hold on to that cover though, I don't want any more surprises."

Naruto glanced at the scroll as he obediently sat down on the edge of the bed and allowed Sakura to get to work. It was quickly done.

"I really shouldn't have scared you like that, your heart rate is through the roof."

"Yeah", he breathed. "That's not all your fault, though."

She looked up, looking a little surprised, and then a hint of understanding found its way into her eyes.

"Really?" she said with a slight smirk. "Please do tell why your heart is racing, Mr. Uzumaki."

He couldn't help the sheepish smile he felt appearing on his face. He scratched the back of his head, and her smirk grew.

"Really? How interesting. And how was it?"

"I didn't even _say_ anyth-"

She rolled her eyes at him. "You didn't have to. But really - what happened? He was here? All night? What did he say? What did you _do_?"

"Sakura-chan, please…" He felt a blush creep up his neck.

She punched him lightly in the knee. "Don't hold out on me, Naruto! I'm not expecting you to tell me every single _detail_. Come on - spill!"

"I thought you were in a hurry -"

She folded her arms and locked her eyes on his. "I have time for this."

Naruto wasn't entirely reluctant to tell her, although he couldn't help feeling a little abashed as he started talking about what had happened the day before. He had been right, though; she didn't have time to hear all of it. She urged him to tell her about what the two of them had decided, and squealed and laughed when he - blushing fiercely and grinning like an idiot - told her that they'd try to be together for real as soon as Sasuke was welcomed back to the village.

"I actually thought you'd be more against it, I mean you were so pissed at him", Naruto said, a little surprised by her reaction.

"Yeah, well, I was - I still am - but you say he really opened up, and I think that might change things. He _really_ needed to learn how to do that." She straightened her back and lifted her chin. "Plus, he knows I'll fucking kill him if he ever does anything similar again."

Naruto laughed, somehow still not used to hearing Sakura talk about Sasuke like that.

"However -", she said, looking more serious "- you shouldn't have to carry all his issues alone. I already suggested it, and he just scoffed at me, but if you ever start feeling even a little bit overwhelmed, or if he starts to close up again - send him my way." Naruto sent her an hesitant look and she lifted her hands in a disarming way. "Not to beat him up - to talk. I think he'd benefit from it."

Naruto made a face. He agreed, but he didn't believe he'd ever be able to get Sasuke to talk to anyone else - it had been a long, hard road just for him to open up to Naruto.

"I'll try. I suggested it yesterday and he sorta bit my head off, saying both you and Kakashi-sensei had already nagged him about it."

"I didn't _nag_ -"

"I know! He just didn't seem to be thrilled about the idea, you know."

Sakura relaxed. "Yeah, I didn't think he'd come around completely in an instant, either. Hearing that he told you anything _at all_ is kind of surprising, to be honest. It feels like a step in the right direction." She sent him a soft look. "I really hope it is, Naruto."

He smiled back. "Yeah, I think it is."

"Sooo…" she smirked. "What happened after your talk?"

"Okay, time for you to get to work, you damn snoop."

He grabbed her shoulder with his free hand - the other still holding the covers firmly in place - turned her around and pushed her towards the door. She laughed on her way out into the hall.

"You free tonight?" she called back. "Want me to bring dinner after work?"

"Sure - if you promise not to pry into my personal life all evening."

"No promises - but I'll get you ramen." She stuck her head back into the room and winked at him.

He admitted his defeat. "Fine! Deal!"

He let out a sigh of relief when she left, but he couldn't help but smile.

Turning back to the scroll - still rolled out across the floor - he could feel his heartbeat pick up again. He really wanted to see what was inside it - but he didn't want any more embarrassment in case anyone else decided to drop by, so he rolled the scroll back up and placed it on the bed table again.

After a shower and getting dressed, he went to have a quick breakfast, all the while eyeing the scroll. He didn't want to risk getting broth all over it, but he was _so damn curious_. Halfway through his cup ramen he abandoned it and strode to the room to snatch the scroll up.

He placed himself at the floor in the middle of the room, where he had the most space, since he didn't know how large the object he'd unseal would be. With a slightly shaky hand he made the hand sign to release whatever it was.

Smoke left the scroll with a light _poof_ \- and another, smaller scroll popped out. Naruto caught it in the air and stared at it. Sasuke had sealed scrolls in a scroll? _What the_ …

He broke the seal carefully and rolled it out - it was a short note.

_Hey,_

_don't take this as you being right about me promising letters, because I never did.  
I wrote anyway. I just never sent them. I didn't want you to know back then, but now you do._

_I might not be able to write at all while I'm gone this time, so I leave these - don't go through them all at once._

_/Sasuke_

Naruto's hands were shaking even more after having read those words. He reread them two more times to make sure, then he looked down at the large scroll before him. It was filled with _letters_? Not wasting another minute he released the next seal and caught another scroll, slightly larger than the one before.

_Naruto,_

_I have found a place to stay and a way to sustain myself. You might not approve of how, but I have decided to dedicate myself to trying to make this world safer. I have so far only done the opposite, but from now on I hope to be able to contribute to the security of those who need it._

_I have an ally whom I can't say I trust, but he gives me the means to be able to do what I intend to. He's a weird one. I might get sick of him before I get anything done, but my options are scarce and he is a generous benefactor. I don't think he means me any harm, but I have learned I'm not the best judge of things like that. I will stay for now, but if anything changes I will leave._

_A part of me wonders if I should have gone with you and accepted whatever punishment the nations would have for me, although I'm pretty sure I would not have lived long if I had._

_I just don't like being apart now that I know what could be._

_Know that I love you_

_Sasuke_

Short of breath, and unable to hold back the tears that had started running down his face, Naruto stared at the last words in the letter.

_Know that I love you_

It was dated to barely four weeks after the war. Naruto drew a shivering breath and bowed his head, pressing the scroll to his forehead as he tried to process it.

_I love you_

A whole year before Naruto had uttered the words for the first time - _Sasuke had put it into writing_. Clearly, he hadn't been able to send it, but still - he had written the words down. Taking a few deep breaths he calmed himself, and reached for the large scroll again, opening the third seal.

It was very similar to the first letter, and dated to the same day. Was this an attempt at rewriting the first one? The third and fourth letter also seemed to be variants of the first one, and were also written on the same day. One of them was quite harsh, as if Sasuke had gotten irritated while writing it, the other's were somewhere in between it and the first in tone.

Naruto counted back and realised that the first 'letter' he actually got from Sasuke was about a month after the war had ended. Had Sasuke been writing letter after letter only to settle for that short note that Naruto eventually got?

It could only mean one thing; he had wanted to tell Naruto things, but he hadn't been able to send them in the end. Naruto looked down at the scrolls in front of him. They all ended the same way.

_Know that I love you_

There was a pragmatic feel to it, but it still said what it said. Naruto pulled a hand over his face and let it rest over his mouth as he let it sink in. Whatever he had thought that the scroll could have contained - this hadn't even crossed his mind. That Sasuke, in a way, had told him so early on that he loved him was overwhelming in itself - especially since he never had said it out loud. That wasn't so strange, though. Seriously, Sasuke had talked more the night before than he had done during the entire year they had been together. But that he had written letter after letter…

Naruto shook his head and rolled out more of the large scroll. The seals didn't seem to end. How many letters had Sasuke written?

Without hesitation he released the next seal. And the next. He kept going, drying his eyes on his sleeve as he reached the nine week long hiatus, and started on the first letter Sasuke had written after having escaped Ona. From there it just kept going. Even after Sasuke had started to visit him, he still wrote letters.

Naruto had no idea for how long he had been sitting on the floor, when a loud sound from his stomach made him wince - he was _really_ hungry. He looked up from the letter he was reading. All around him on the floor was small scrolls, rolled out in a messy pattern. He blinked. Sasuke had asked him not to go through it all at once, but he had been unable to stop himself. He couldn't say how many letters he had read, or how many he had left. He sighed and looked down on the one in his hands. There weren't a lot of variations to the letters, and they weren't very long, but they all still ended with "know that I love you" and Naruto just… he just wanted to keep seeing those words. Perhaps Sasuke would never say it out loud - Naruto hadn't been that big on it himself, so what could he expect? - but seeing the words written… He rubbed at one eye with the heel of his hand, and inhaled a shaky breath.

_Seems like he really did care._

The low rumble of Kurama's voice made Naruto flinch. So he finally wanted to talk. He closed his eyes, turning his gaze inward, and when he opened them again he was in the dark and dripping home of his tenant.

Kurama's once so vibrant red fur seemed dull, and the skin beneath his closed eyes looked hollow. Naruto tried to ignore the visible ribs. The bijuu would probably never admit it, but the poisons sure had done a number on him. It reminded Naruto of what had happened to the fox when he forcefully had drawn chakra from him, before their relationship changed for the better.

Knowing what Kurama had done to his and Sasuke's relationship made it easier to ignore the empathy Naruto felt for his current condition.

"You really doubted him, huh?" Naruto asked, unable to keep the frown away from his features.

Kurama snorted. "As anyone should."

Naruto knew that the look he sent the fox was anything but kind, but he didn't care. "You had no business butting into it, though, you know."

Kurama still hadn't opened his eyes. He sneered and turned his head away, resting it on his crossed front legs.

"You were clearly not in a position to do what was needed, kid."

"I am not a kid", Naruto stated firmly.

The bijuu scoffed. "To me you will always be a brat, our ages are incomparable."

"It's not about _age_ , you idiot fox, it's about _respect_. I don't need to be fucking protected or… taken care off. Not by you."

The fox's ears twitched, and a red eye opened to glare at Naruto. "Then take care of yourself better."

Naruto curled his hands to fists. "Fuck off. You had no right to do what you did. You overstepped, Kurama. Like, _really_ overstepped."

The red eye narrowed. "And you had lost your way."

"Really? Did you hear anything of what I said last night?"

The ears twitched again, and the tails slashed through the air like whips. He turned his head to pin Naruto with both of his eyes before he spoke again.

"I heard."

"Good. You might not get it, but you will have to accept it."

"I will not."

Naruto felt a surge of anger run through him. "What do you mean you 'will not'? It's my damn life -"

"Do what you want. I won't interfere again. But I will never accept the Uchiha. Ever."

Naruto stared at Kurama for a moment. "Why the hell not?"

The tails moved restlessly as Kurama let out a low growl. "He tried to have me and the other tailed beasts killed, Naruto, and _you_ as well. I am not like you, and to be honest - no one should be. I will not forgive and forget what that psychopath has done."

Naruto scrunched up his face, trying to calm the emotions that welled up inside. He couldn't debate Kurama on what he said, not really. He could only hold on to his own beliefs and maybe, _someday_ , Kurama would come around. He had before.

"He's not a psychopath - he was just lost. He's not anymore." Naruto had to at least dispute Kurama on that point. He drew a deep breath before he continued, softer. "Forgiveness is a choice, Kurama. I chose to forgive. You can, too."

Kurama snorted again. "I will choose not to, then."

Naruto sighed. Maybe Kurama admitting to actually believing that Sasuke cared now was a bigger step than he had initially thought. He'd take what he could get.

"You'll come around", he said with a grin, reminiscent of a time when their relationship was vastly different.

The fox scoffed, and a low, rumbling laugh followed. "Dream on, kid."

Naruto ignored the feeling of defeat in his chest, and decided to leave it at that, hoping that time would take care of the rest. He was about to leave when a thought popped into his head.

"Hey, Kurama."

The fox hummed.

"If you ever wanna get out of here, and you know, walk around, talk to someone else other than me, or whatever - let me know. I'll let you take over. You don't have to sneak around to do it."

Kurama's brow furrowed. "No need."

"Well, if you change your mind, just let me know."

With that, Naruto left, feeling the red eyes burning a hole through his back before the dimly lit walls faded away.

When he opened his eyes again, he met a pair of pale green ones. He winced.

"Sakura-chan, for fuck's sake - _again_?"

She smiled carefully, a shaky little tilt to the edges of her mouth. "You didn't answer. I got worried. You just went through a lot of stuff, and we don't fully know the effects of the poison or the chip yet, so I just… I had to check."

A low groan escaped Naruto. "I'm _fine_ , don't fuss." He paused. "But yeah, sure, I understand. It's okay." He scratched his neck. "Aren't you supposed to be at work?"

Sakura frowned at him. "I'm done for the day, Naruto. I brought dinner, like I said."

 _Dinner_? He threw an eye out the window, only to realise that it was starting to get dark out. For how long had he been reading? He had just discovered he was hungry, and all he had eaten was half a cup ramen in the morning.

"Er... " He glanced at Sakura, who was eyeing the letters that littered the floor.

"What's all this?"

Naruto sighed. "It… It's letters. From Sasuke."

Sakura's eyes widened in surprise. "From Sasuke?"

"Yeah, apparently he was writing to me while we were apart. Like, all the time. He just never sent me any, other than those short notes which told me when he was going to show up next."

She stared at the vast amount of scrolls on the floor. "He wrote all this?"

"Yeah", Naruto answered breathlessly.

She hesitated. "Can I see?"

"Sure. Wait…" He reached for a letter that he knew was one of the nicer ones. "Here."

The letters differed a lot in tone. Some were almost sounding soft - _almost_ \- while others were defiant, nearing on rude. It didn't matter to Naruto, just knowing that Sasuke had taken the time to put words down on paper for him was enough. Besides; they all ended with the same words.

"Know that I love you." Sakura's voice was just a whisper.

"Yeah. They all say that."

Her eyes were shining, and he could see tears pooling in the corner or her eye. "Naruto…"

He pulled a hand through his hair to distract himself from her tears. They hadn't started to run down her face yet, but it was only a matter of time. Did she cry because she was happy for him? Or was it hard for her to see those words in Sasuke's handwriting when they weren't meant for her?

She cleared her throat. "Naruto. Naruto, that's _amazing_. I never… I mean… Don't take this wrong, but I never thought he'd be able to say that to another person. _Ever_."

So she was happy. Naruto couldn't hold back the grin.

"To be honest, neither could I", he admitted. "He has never said it out loud, though. But I have only said it twice, and the second time he didn't have a chance to answer, so who knows." He shrugged. "But I don't think it will happen."

"This is a great first step, though", Sakura said as she dried her eyes with a finger.

Naruto only nodded. He didn't get the chance to answer before his stomach made a loud, rumbling sound.

Sakura laughed lightly. "Gosh, good thing I brought food! Come on, let's get to it before it's cold."

They spent the rest of the evening talking. About Sasuke, but also other things. Like the upcoming jounin exams, about how Ino had decided it was time for her and Sai to "take the next step" (which apparently was some sort of code for it being 'about damn time' time he proposed), and that Morino Ibiki had been allowed to visit Ona at the hospital as some sort of way to show the Daimyo what was to come unless he talked to Kakashi-sensei about the Coliseum. Sakura also spoke of wanting to arrange a get-together with all the others soon, but apparently Lee and his team was leaving for a longer mission so it would have to be after that.

"He left today?" Naruto asked, mouth full of noodles.

"Yeah, he dropped by the hospital before he left."

Naruto might be oblivious to most things, but he did notice the faint blush on Sakura's cheeks.

He swallowed the food so hard he almost choked. "Wait. Why did Fuzzy-brows stop by to talk to you before he left for a long mission?"

Sakura stared at him, eyes wide, looking panicked. "What? He can't say goodbye to a friend before he leaves?"

"Saaakura-chaaan", he whined in response, and she rolled her eyes.

" _Fine_." She pinned him with a steely look. "He asked me out. Again. Said that if I even missed him just a little bit while he was gone…" She sighed. "He asked me out, that's it."

"And?"

She pouted, but relented. "He said he'd ask me again when he came back, and if I missed him he hoped I'd give him a chance."

Naruto hung on to her every word. "And? You think you will?"

She made an exasperated sound. "I don't know! _Maybe_? Either way, I don't have time to think about dating. I have an exam coming up, plus missions, and my job at the hospital. I still want to become Head of medicine sometime next year, so it's not a great time to start a relationship." She straightened up, and the blush was far gone. "I have my priorities."

Naruto grinned at her. "Alright, sure, you know best."

"You're damn right I do."

She went back to her noodles and Naruto didn't brace the subject again, but he had a bubbly feeling in his stomach for the rest of the evening.

* * *

By the time October came along Sakura and Lee had been on their first date. She still said she was unsure and that she didn't have the time to date, but somehow she managed to free up enough to go on a second one before Naruto's birthday.

Sakura and Sai had passed the jounin exams with flying colors, and he immediately applied for service with the police force. He was accepted within three days, even though the application process usually took three weeks. They all celebrated together, the whole gang, and Sai was smiling through the night, although he seemed confused and flustered by all the attention. He asked Ino to marry him as soon as they were alone, and she dragged him back to the bar to announce the engagement to everyone who was still present. If anyone had planned to go home, they forgot about it as soon as Ino broke the news, and they partied until daylight came.

They all stopped in the street on their way home to watch the light hit the hokage mountain, bathing it in orange and pink. It gave Naruto pause to see the sun linger on the stone that depicted his father, lighting up the hair in golden tones.

Sakura nudged his side. "One day your face will be up there", she said softly, and smiled.

She had never said those words to him before, and he stared at her for a moment.

"You really think so?"

She made a face at him. "What, what is this crap? Are you doubting yourself? _You_?"

Naruto couldn't help but laugh. He straightened up, looked back at the six stone faces on the cliff, and grinned.

"Nah. I just wasn't sure if _you_ really believed it."

She smacked the back of his head. "Of course I do, you dunce! But you better pick those lessons up if you're going to have a chance at becoming the seventh!"

With that she gave him a quick peck on the cheek, and broke into a light run towards Lee, who was waiting a few steps ahead. He was beaming at her when she caught up to him, only to turn beet red the moment she snuck her hand into his. She waved back at Naruto, as did the others, all going in their separate directions.

The day after, Naruto went to see Iruka-sensei. They had met several times over the course of the last few weeks, but Naruto had so far avoided the subject of Sasuke, although he wasn't entirely sure why. It was time to come clean.

After having spluttered something incoherent for what felt like several minutes, blushing and almost scratching a hole through the beck of his head, Iruka sighed, and held up a hand to silence him.

"Naruto, slow down, please. It's fine. I know."

Naruto stared at his old teacher. "You what now?"

"Perhaps I don't know everything, but I have figured out and understood enough. The only thing I don't understand is why you kept it a secret for these last few weeks. I was sort of expecting you to say something."

Iruka-sensei didn't look angry or upset, but there was a hint of something hurt in his eyes that was a hundred times worse than anger would have been.

Naruto let out a frustrated sound. "I don't know!" he exclaimed. "I don't know, I…" He sighed and sank down on the couch. "I don't know."

Iruka-sensei watched him carefully. He had crossed his arms, and looked a little worried.

"Were you afraid of how I'd react? You know something like this wouldn't make me angry, right?"

"Yeah, yeah, I know." Naruto shook his head. "That's not it, I even chose to deliberately make you angry instead of telling you the truth, you know."

Iruka-sensei scoffed. "Genius move, truly."

Naruto bit his lower lip. "I'm really sorry."

He looked away, unsure about how to proceed. He felt the couch dip when Iruka-sensei sat down beside him.

"Look, Naruto, I think I understand why you wouldn't tell me, and why it was hard to do it now. However, you have to know that nothing you can do will push me away." Naruto met his gaze, and noticed the sincerity in his eyes. "Even if it's being in a relationship with a rogue ninja who's wanted by every nation, and who has tried to kill you on several occasions."

Naruto winced. Iruka-sensei's eyes had gone from soft to steel in a split second, only to return to soft again before Naruto had the time to react.

Iruka-sensei sighed again. "But it's also Sasuke. And it's you. You have been through it, you two, that's for sure. If you can live with all that has been, and move forward, then so can I."

Naruto let out a shaky breath. "So… you're okay with it?"

His former teacher looked a little grim, but he nodded. "I am." He smiled, and it looked as real as could be. "Only one thing worries me; how are you going to live? Will this be a secret you will have to keep for the rest of your lives?"

"Hopefully not." Naruto proceeded to tell what he knew about Kakashi-sensei's plan.

Iruka-sensei shook his head. "That man… How he got chosen as hokage is beyond me." His eyes went wide when he realised what he had said. "I mean... "

"I know what you mean." Naruto grinned. "Sasuke seems to feel the same way, by the way. Anyway, it sounds crazy, but Kakashi-sensei knows what he's doing. Probably."

"Probably", Iruka-sensei said flatly, and sighed. "For your sake I really hope he does."

They fell silent, and Naruto tried to muster up the courage to ask the question that was burning in his chest.

"Iruka-sensei…" He hesitated. "Would you teach me again? You know… let me take those lessons I was supposed to take? With you?"

Iruka-sensei's smile widened. "Of course. But if you ditch again, I'm done."

Naruto nodded. "You got it."

His teacher didn't cut him any slack. The following couple of days Naruto was huddled over scrolls, listening to lectures, and got a surprise pop-quiz that almost made him tear his hair out. Iruka-sensei looked smug all the while.

"Don't slack off, Naruto, you have a lot of lost time to make up for."

"Yes, sensei", Naruto muttered in response.

He wouldn't complain. Iruka-sensei was right, and Naruto was far too grateful that he agreed to help him to say anything that might tick him off. Plus, the hard work sure tired him out, which meant he wasn't lying awake worrying about Sasuke through the nights anymore. The gnawing concern was still with him, always, but being absolutely exhausted made it impossible for him to stay awake in the evenings. Why was paperwork so much more tiring than missions?

It was during one of the lessons that Kakashi-sensei showed up and politely asked if he could steal some of Naruto's time.

"Is it about Sasuke?" Naruto asked, unable to quell his excitement and concern.

"No, no, it is not, I'm afraid", the Sixth Hokage answered. "Although it's related to what you both went through with Attotekina Ona."

The disappointment mingled with the interest he felt for the subject. "Oh. Okay, what is it?"

Kakashi inhaled slowly and sighed. "I thought it might interest you to know that Ona finally talked. He was unexpectedly resilient, I'll give the man that, but last night he opened up."

"And?" Naruto tried to stay calm, but the unease he felt made it difficult.

"Ona was a key figure in the trafficking ring, as you might have figured out. Without him, it will be very difficult for the organisers to get hold of new shinobi. The poison gas that was potent enough to knock both you and Sasuke out was Ona's jutsu, and Ona's alone." He paused and met Naruto's widened eyes. "It's a Kekkei Genkai."

Naruto stared back at the tall, serious man in front of him. "A Bloodline Limit?"

"Yes. Apparently it's been kept a secret by the Attotekina family for generations, to keep the family safe from those who might want to exploit their power for warfare. They had only ever used the technique to protect the family, and barely even then. Ona decided he could make better use of it."

Naruto mulled the information over for a moment. "And the shots?"

"Also a jutsu only Ona could perform. He sold it to other patrons, so there should be vials of it spread around, but eventually it will run out, which will prove a problem for the trafficking ring, I'd expect."

"Naruto nodded slowly. "There are still chipped ninja, though."

"Yes, but we have someone working on that, have we not?"

Kakashi-sensei smiled, and Naruto returned it with a small one of his own. It was reassuring to know that at least Sasuke wouldn't be subjected to the poisonous gas. That someone should be skilled or fast enough to get so close that they could put a needle into his neck seemed implausible. He let out a slow breath.

"Have you… You know. Heard anything?" he asked carefully.

"I'm sorry, Naruto, I can't say. I have already said too much, to be honest, but I thought knowing might give you some peace."

Naruto nodded; it did calm him. Kakashi-sensei put a hand on his head for a moment, the same way he used to do when Naruto had been a kid and worried about something.

"He'll be back soon enough."

With that the Sixth Hokage left the room, leaving Naruto alone with his thoughts for a moment before he collected himself enough to go back to the classroom.

Naruto's birthday and the two year mark of the end of the war came and went without any signs of life from Sasuke. He couldn't ask Kakashi-sensei about it every time they met; it was too much of a risk of someone overhearing them. Naruto kept stopping by the Hokage tower anyway, thinking that perhaps he could tell by Kakashi-sensei's mood what was going on. He couldn't. The Hokage was as calm and hard to read as always.

On one such visit, he bumped into the elders, Homura and Koharu. When he didn't bow or address them according to custom, they stared at him with displeased looks on their faces, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. These two people were such a big reason as to why Sasuke didn't want to be in Konoha. They also had enough power to keep him away, if they wouldn't pardon him.

Politics was such a shitty thing, but if he was going to become Hokage he'd have to learn to navigate it. This was not the day, though. He strode past them without a word.

 _You better pardon him_ , he thought. _You better pardon him or I'll_ …

_You'd do what, kid? Kill them?_

Naruto stopped in his tracks at the sound of Kurama's voice. _No… Just… I don't know_. He sighed. _I will have to do something about them. They are far from innocent. They shouldn't be in the positions they are._

_Agreed. But to do something you will have to be more cordial, and figure out what to do by the time you take office._

Naruto laughed, which scored him a few scared looks from passers by. _You're giving me advice on politics now? And about being cordial? What the hell, Kurama._

_Do with it what you want. Just be smart. Although I know that'll be extremely hard for you._

_Hey!_

Before Naruto could add anything else, he felt Kurama raise the barrier between them. He sighed. Kurama kept surprising him, but he had yet to warm up to the idea of Sasuke being a part of Naruto's life. He couldn't help but hope that would change when Sasuke came back, but it was a faint hope. It was all he had, though, so he clung to it.

He started to feel more and more like he had during his and Sasuke's first year together, but there was one big difference now; people who cared about him knew, and they did their best to distract him. Sakura, Sai and Iruka-sensei made sure he was busy, with social gatherings, studies, and the occasional surprise visit. Kakashi-sensei remained just as quiet about Sasuke as ever, but he still checked up on Naruto when he had the chance.

Overall, life was good. It would have been perfect if Sasuke hadn't been away. The longing started to burn in Naruto's chest during the day, only to turn into cold fear through the night. He knew he shouldn't worry. He knew Sasuke would eventually come back. He knew it. Yet his heart hurt more and more as time passed. Six weeks. Seven.

On the first night of the eight week, he was at last awakened by a hand, stroking hair away from his face. He opened his eyes to finally, _finally_ , lay eyes on Sasuke in the dim light. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, his mismatched eyes gleaming in the faint starlight that shone in through the window. Naruto blinked up at him, relief flowing through him like a wave.

"You grew your hair out", Sasuke whispered.

Naruto couldn't help but smile, although it felt weak. "Yeah…" he answered breathlessly.

It was as if time stood still, and they just watched each other in silence for what felt like both a mere second, and an eternity.

Naruto managed to find his voice. "Sasuke -"

"Have you been well?" The concern in Sasuke's voice was unmistaken.

Naruto let out a breathy laugh. "Should you really be the one asking that?"

"Why should I not?" He sounded puzzled.

"Because… Well, you're the one who was on a mission."

"Ah."

Naruto shifted and turned to see him better. "So? Is it done?"

Sasuke watched him intently. "Yes. It is done."

Naruto swallowed and let out a shaky breath. "And? Can you stay?"

"I don't know yet." Naruto's heart sank. "Kakashi is speaking with the council tomorrow. But I'm not going anywhere tonight."

Perhaps that was good enough, for now. Naruto reached up to grab Sasuke's cloak and carefully pull him closer. Sasuke obliged without hesitation, put his hands on either side of Naruto's head, and pressed their lips together.

"I read the letters", Naruto whispered when they parted.

There wasn't a lot of light in the room, but he could almost swear he saw Sasuke's cheek darken slightly.

"I see", he said.

"I can't believe you did that and never sent any of them."

Sasuke didn't answer, he just watched Naruto in silence until he spoke again.

"Thank you for giving them to me when you did, though. They helped."

"I thought they might", Sasuke mumbled, and pressed his face against Naruto's neck.

Naruto put his arms around him, and buried his face in the dark hair. "I missed you."

Sasuke only hummed in response, and Naruto couldn't help but smile. As talkative as ever, it seemed. He was also clearly tired. There was no meaning in trying to make him talk about the mission or what had happened right now. Naruto only had one more question.

"Did you find her?"

Sasuke lifted his head to look him in the eye. "I did. She's safe. They all are."

Naruto smiled. "That's amazing. You really did it."

Sasuke nodded. "Not alone. The Raikage came with forces from Kumo to bring the Coliseum down. It was situated within their borders."

"What?" Naruto's eyes went wide. The Raikage was one of the people who had refused to pardon Sasuke. He had even insisted on putting him up with a "kill on sight"-order in the Bingo book.

Naruto swallowed. "He did that? You met?"

"Yes."

"And he didn't try to kill you?"

"No."

"Well, shit. Kakashi-sensei must have really done a number on him."

Sasuke almost smirked. "I don't think so. I believe the Raikage wanted to bring the Coliseum down as much as Konoha did. He appreciated the opportunity."

Naruto was awestruck. If A could accept help from Sasuke, perhaps a pardon wasn't such an outlandish thought, after all. He reached up to kiss Sasuke again, happiness surging through him.

He was there. They were together. Kakashi-sensei was going to talk to the council in the morning. Kumo was coming around. The future looked brighter than it had in a long time.

"I love you", Naruto breathed against Sasuke's lips, trying to get used to saying the words out loud.

"I know, moron", Sasuke answered with a smirk.

Naruto laughed and tugged slightly at a dark strand of hair. "You absolute ass!" His wide grin turned into a soft smile as he caught Sasuke's gaze. "I know, too, now, you know."

"Yes, I believe you do", Sasuke murmured, a faint smile still on his lips. He watched Naruto carefully, seriousness seeping into his features. "Naruto. I don't know what will happen tomorrow, but no matter how it goes, if I have to leave or if I can stay; the way I feel about you won't change."

"Really? You promise?" Naruto couldn't help but grin at the familiarity.

Sasuke leaned in to press his forehead against his, and strands of dark hair brushed against Naruto's face.

"I promise."

_The end._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we have it. This has been such a strange journey for me.
> 
> When I started this back in May (perhaps April?) I was unsure if I'd be able to finish or not. This is the first fanfiction I have ever written, and the first piece of fiction I have ever written in English. First piece of fiction I have written since, like, 2008, as well. Geez, time sure flies. Needless to say, I doubted my own capability to write anything, and even more so to actually finish something. 73k words later, here we are. No matter the quality of this piece, I am proud that I finished. I have enjoyed writing about these boys and I'll most def do it again.
> 
> This piece is littered with writing habits that come from my native language, plus a mix of American and British English that I guess can be confusing. Perhaps one day I'll go through it and adjust the mistakes. That will not be anytime soon, though, lol.
> 
> In the later chapters I feel like I came more into my own, and I owe my beta a lot of that (Scorpions_Admirer here on Ao3). Without them I wouldn't have been able to grow as much as I did during this experience.
> 
> I had decided to take a break from writing, but of course as soon as I had written the last word on this fic, I got a new idea, lol. I will take everything I've learned while writing this, polish up my skills some more, and pour my heart and soul into this new fanfic. I believe it has some great potential, or will have if I can truly tap into mine.
> 
> Please subscribe to my profile if you want to come along for that ride as well.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has read and commented on this fic. You gave me the motivation I sometimes needed to go on, and I appreciate all of you so much!


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